Is it wrong to throw away "memory boxes" from your youth? (sister, relatives)
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"Just livin' day by day"
(set 23 days ago)
Location: USA
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Before throwing "junk" away, it would be wise to check to see if it's worth anything valuable. Some vintage stuff can be sold for a good amount of money.
Also, it would be good to check with other family members to see if they want it in case it gets brought up.
I'm not one to keep stuff. Sometimes, I wished to kept a few things. oh, well, life goes on. One thing I hate is pictures. I don't really like being reminded of my past.
Meh, I had a bunch of childhood stuff that I recently got rid of (tossed, donated, or sold - depending on what it was). I got to the point where I realized that it was just going to sit in a bin or box for ages and get in the way, so the hassle would've been more than the sentimental value. I simply hate clutter and extra "stuff" that just sits around.
The seller of my recent purchase is struggling... going through a lifetime collection and downsizing... I can see how this burden can make people ill.
Some I know go to extraordinary measures to have everything in order and others could care less.
My seller put out a family wide call to come get what they want but it is slow going...
Sure the tools are finding homes... the vehicles have not been a problem... but furniture and furnishings are plus collections acquired over a lifetime... they both grew up quite poor... the wife was one of 6 kids and Mom, Dad and 6 kids lived in a two bedroom rental growing up... she couldn't wait to get out of the house... and everything she owned at 18 fit into one suitcase...
Contrast this to some much younger I know... expensive bikes and sports equipment... quads etc... all sitting out exposed to the elements... with a little maneuvering all could easily be under cover...
Personally, I would have kept them for as long as your parents are living. After all, what will you do if they come over and ask to look at the boxes and reminisce with you? If the trash men haven't come yet, I would go out and bring them back inside. Of course, if they're gone, it's too late. But you may have to deal with a couple of very sad parents who will have seen their cherished memories of you as a kid tossed to the curb.
In my opinion you should not be expected to be the keeper of someone else's treasures/memories. If they meant that much to them then they should have kept the boxes themselves. You said in a later post that they had sat untouched for years so I'm guessing they kept it out of habit more than sentimental value. Some people are just pack rats, it doesn't mean we all have to be.
In 2016 when I was selling my house and doing a major downsizing I came across a box in my shed that my parents had given to me when they moved into my guest house in 2003.
It contained twelve manila envelopes containing report cards, bus passes, standardized test scores etc from each school year. There was also a lot of art projects and other school stuff.
The stuff was in a mover's box, still sealed, from when they moved to Florida-in 1983.
^^^ Don't know what's with parents anyway... why would they think little Johnny would care if they saved momentous from childhood?
On the other hand... therapists couches are filled with adults with parent issues simply because they never saved or cared...
Really. I find it kind of mind boggling that some folks are so dismissive of this "junk" rather than seeing it as an indication that the parents valued (oh, I don't know, even loved) their child. It wasn't so much the "stuff" as the memories the stuff conjures, and, I suppose, in most instances, their hope was that some day, it would bring the adult child good memories, too. [But, I've been around C-D long enough that I'm sure there is someone who will take me to task on this statement.]
But if the stuff doesn't bring good memories or one regards it as nothing more than trash, no one will stop you from dumping it.
That said, I realize that I was fortunate to have a mother – who, though we had our differences and difficulties – I never once doubted that she loved me. And that certainly influences my view.
Really. I find it kind of mind boggling that some folks are so dismissive of this "junk" rather than seeing it as an indication that the parents valued (oh, I don't know, even loved) their child. It wasn't so much the "stuff" as the memories the stuff conjures, and, I suppose, in most instances, their hope was that some day, it would bring the adult child good memories, too. [But, I've been around C-D long enough that I'm sure there is someone who will take me to task on this statement.]
But if the stuff doesn't bring good memories or one regards it as nothing more than trash, no one will stop you from dumping it.
That said, I realize that I was fortunate to have a mother – who, though we had our differences and difficulties – I never once doubted that she loved me. And that certainly influences my view.
I don't equate my disposing of this stuff as some sort of diss on my parents.
It did bring me good memories to see it but then what? The stuff had been packed away, forgotten about and untouched, for 33 years. The trip down memory lane was nice but we were moving into an RV and it made no sense to keep it any longer.
My folks saved this-and other stuff for "someday". That "someday" arrived and I sold some, kept some, trashed the rest.
If you want to keep your stuff then fine, but don't keep it for your kids. They don't want your stuff. That was a big lesson I learned.
One of my Grandparents did a total scrub... I was too young at the time but they offered to anyone to come and pick up things... it was a farm so there was a lot of stuff... really antique then and now more so... lot of things went to a bonfire.
When I was maybe 25 we went to a farm muesuem... my Grandmother could tell us how each and every item was used... they had had all the same spinning wheels, butter churns, wagons, harnesses... even a buck board that a neighbor bought/was given... etc...
To me it was such a loss... it was not as if the items in the old barn were in anybodies way... it was just my Grandparent's way of not leaving behind a burden.
My city grandparents did not have a big home... but they had several large old trunks full of things... military records and medals... uniforms, marriage licenses, awards, letters with postage stamps from the 1800's... as kids we were fascinated by it... even reports my Dad did on family history when he was in grade school...
My hobby is antique cars and tractors... and I think a lot of the reason is the farm heritage on Mom's side of the family... I would have loved to have some of the hand tools that burned up...
My aunt that was married kept one of the spinning wheels... one made by hand by my Great Grandfather... something destined for the bonfire is now a treasured family heirloom... who would have guessed?
Maybe 20 years ago I was at a large charity car show... during the wine country event one of the exhibitors that had just won first place with a magnificent 1931 Deluxe Rumble Seat Roadster approached and asked if I was any relation to the person he bought the car from... turns out it was my Grandfather and he paid $85 for it because he needed a cheap car to get to work...
Sure enough... I later came across papers in the trunk with pictures of the Model A from the many years ago...
I asked to let me know if he would ever consider selling... he said no... several in his family want the car and it will probably go to his Grandson...
My parents who are in their 80s just gave me several boxes of junk from when I was a kid, "memory boxes." They were full of old toys, books, schoolwork, awards, etc. that I had as a kid. I smiled and thanked them but as soon as I got home, I set all of the boxes out for the trash. Of course, I won't tell them that because I don't want to hurt their feelings.
Was that wrong of me?
Definitely not wrong. I did the same thing two moves ago. Embarrassed to admit the volume of junk I kept! My mom saved every report card, all my handwritten notes to friends, journals, yearbooks, souvenirs, and postcards. Trashed it all and was fabulously liberating! I took pictures of some of it as a memory, yet have never looked at them once.
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