Dealing with a rude personality (jealous, guilty, sister, Christmas)
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Pretend you're on the Ellen show and mug at the "audience" when she irritates you.
Did you ever watch The Office? Perfect the looks that Jim would give the camera.
You don't have to see her often enough to try to shut her down or escalate. At least you know that you're not the only one that she needles. At this point, she's not going to change even if you drop a bomb on her.
Don't risk damaging your good relationship with your stepmom over her mother's assy ways.
If it were me I would comment right back at em. There is no reason to tolerate that sort of behavior and maybe if the people she did it to let her have it right back, maybe she would get a hint and change her ways.
and if she didn't well at least I would feel better about it.
If it were me I would comment right back at em. There is no reason to tolerate that sort of behavior and maybe if the people she did it to let her have it right back, maybe she would get a hint and change her ways.
and if she didn't well at least I would feel better about it.
I agree and perceive people get away with BS because others enabled it.
But the OP seems like the type to not ruffle feathers. If he stood up for himself, I don't think this post would be here in the 1st place
See that’s the problem. I’m not super close with my dad (actually closer to my stepmom). I only see her occasionally, but my two brothers feel the same way that i do. I do remember at my graduation open house years ago my uncle (on my mom’s side) saying something to her about a remark she made and my dad has gotten into some spats with her over the years. And her other daughter (stepmom’s sister) has definitely put her in her place a few times.
I definitely get your point but fortunately, I don’t ever have to deal with her other than the holidays or a very special occasion like a wedding or funeral. It’s honestly not worth it to compromise the time I get to spend with my dad and stepmom over the holidays, which I do truly enjoy.
OP, have you ever asked your stepmom, why her mom is the way she is? Have you ever confided in her, that you find her mom difficult to be around, due to her compulsive rudeness? You might be able to ask your stepmom if you could skip whatever the usual gathering is, to spend time just with her and your dad, without grandma. Does her mom live with them?
Another approach you could take, rather than be silent, or the opposite--combative, is to ask your step-grandma, the next time she's rude, why she's consistently rude. Just put it out there. She won't be able to fight you, if you if, instead of being combative, you let her know (calmly!) that her rudeness comes across mean and deliberately hurtful. Ask her if she's not able to control herself, even in the presence of company on a joyful holiday. Let her know that she's spoiling the occasion. (hint: your demeanor here should be open-hearted and disarmingly honest about feeling hurt, rather than irritated/angry, with an edge to your voice. You may have to practice this in your mind, in order to lose the combative edge. Focus on the part of you that feels wounded, not the angry part. Anger will only give her more ammunition.)
Stand back. She may be sputtering and speechless, taken aback that someone dared to name the elephant in the room. Or she may get defensive and aggressive. Hopefully, your stepmom won't come to her defense. If the scene takes a very negative turn, and you end up being the bad guy for having expressed how hurt you are by her constant jabs, then -- you know where you stand, and you should leave, to refuse to take any more abuse. If everyone is taken by surprise for a moment, you could continue, by saying you really look forward to seeing your parents at this time of year, but the sour notes gratuitously tossed into the visits spoil your bonding opportunity with your parents, and you don't understand why that's happening. (Keep up the disarming, sad tone.)
This is what it is, OP; psychological abuse. IMO it's unreasonable for your parents to expect you to sit and take it every year. That's not what the holidays are supposed to be about.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-21-2018 at 12:10 PM..
I don't see a problem with the video. It was just a rushed cooking segment with lots of teasing and jokes. The comment about Nicole Kidman not knowing how to cook was actually a compliment, if I remember correctly - "And this from a woman who doesn't know how to cook!" (as hers was better than Ellen's) I'm not a big fan of Giada but there was nothing rude about the video, in my mind.
However, your stepmother's mother sounds like a very unhappy, crotchety person who takes out her misery on others. Does she do this to everyone, or just you?
If I were in your shoes, I would 1) talk to stepmother about it, to see if I could get a better handle on where the grandma is coming from, and 2) consider telling grandma that her comments hurt my feelings, and why.
Your post strongly suggests that you are ready to explode - even if you don't act on it.
How do you know that about the OP based on an initial post?
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