The Odd Couple: Country vs City (sister, college, roommates, friendship)
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Actually, I think it goes the other way....it usually does. That is, in our socialist world, it is rather like "I have needs, you have the resources, it's a perfect match!" where the other person is assuming for you.
If that’s how it happened, that person seems to be the aggressive type. If you do not want to do this, just be very firm and blunt in telling her no, being roommates is not what you want and you prefer your current living situation.
Depending on the nature of your relationship and her needs, you may offer other suggestions, if you have them. But stand firm on your resolution.
If that’s how it happened, that person seems to be the aggressive type. If you do not want to do this, just be very firm and blunt in telling her no, being roommates is not what you want and you prefer your current living situation.
Depending on the nature of your relationship and her needs, you may offer other suggestions, if you have them. But stand firm on your resolution.
It has been sort of like that over the years, such as when they wanted to borrow a piece from me and I did say no (and that is another reason of why to say no to the roomie bit). As to the actual borrowing and the answer of No, there were several reasons behind that answer.
I'm sorry that there doesn't seem to be "The Odd Couple" in country and city.............for saying, "Because I said No, that's why!"...........may sound powerful, but it really doesn't help in the long run when one questions themselves, ether because of constant attacks or because something has happened and there are now doubts.
I was told before I moved out to the country that if you were the kind of person who like to hit the clubs, go out for dinner, you will starve in the country.
When I brought up that there was no TV, the response was, "I don't watch TV! Just NetFlex and Hulu." So then I hit them with the no streaming, that I have only 5G of download quota a month which hit them with an "Oh........". I suppose one could always find a way to do it but as I said in the OP, will it mean bringing the city into the country, which is something that I am not too thrilled about?
So if in shooting down those reasons, does it mean changing one's way of life?
You're trying to find a way to say no without saying no, but it sounds like they're determined to move in with you. Just say, "That doesn't work for me, I like living on my own too much to change now," and when they try to persuade you (because they sound pretty determined), just keep saying the same sentence. You are being way too easygoing and they are taking it as vacillation or weakness.
You're trying to find a way to say no without saying no, but it sounds like they're determined to move in with you. Just say, "That doesn't work for me, I like living on my own too much to change now," and when they try to persuade you (because they sound pretty determined), just keep saying the same sentence. You are being way too easygoing and they are taking it as vacillation or weakness.
Well, I am the nice one..
Right now, they haven't come back on another approach but rather, there is talk of the two of them moving in with each other......in the city. While the point has not been brought up with me again (and hence, not to talk on it all since that is likely to, at least , boost BP), I am grouping my reasons for the next battle.
So far, in no particular order
1. Secrets I wish kept
2. Protect my cats, especially in that, to put it one way, they certainly have me wrapped around their dew claw.....I know other people don't see cats necessarily like that (my brother being one of them).
3. Protect the sanctuary of my home from their "mannerisms" (far right wing, anger, etc) that I have to endure in the office.
4. Less than rosey feelings of them in the vicinity of the armory.
5. An escape from the modern world and not bringing it out to me (ie, me, no streaming, wireless, TV, etc)
6. I come to work fed at home while I watch these two with picked up fast food or meals from the snack bar.
7. The question of having visitors.
8. When I started working directly with them, one complimented me on how much better shape I was in. I think our approaches to life are vastly different and I certainly don't want to go over to their side.
9. I have adopted, to an extent, a cowgirl mentality (or a Red Riding Hood Witch). There is both the belief filed it takes to create such and the environment, my environment to be able to find peace in such.
Now, some of that is directly expressable even if saying some of it is not diplomatic. Other parts of it, however, are not.
Simply said, say to them, "I don't believe we are compatible."
Them, "Why not?"
"A, B, C, D..........."
I find that makes a better argument than just saying, "Because I said so.".
Right now, they haven't come back on another approach but rather, there is talk of the two of them moving in with each other......in the city. While the point has not been brought up with me again (and hence, not to talk on it all since that is likely to, at least , boost BP), I am grouping my reasons for the next battle.
So far, in no particular order
1. Secrets I wish kept
2. Protect my cats, especially in that, to put it one way, they certainly have me wrapped around their dew claw.....I know other people don't see cats necessarily like that (my brother being one of them).
3. Protect the sanctuary of my home from their "mannerisms" (far right wing, anger, etc) that I have to endure in the office.
4. Less than rosey feelings of them in the vicinity of the armory.
5. An escape from the modern world and not bringing it out to me (ie, me, no streaming, wireless, TV, etc)
6. I come to work fed at home while I watch these two with picked up fast food or meals from the snack bar.
7. The question of having visitors.
8. When I started working directly with them, one complimented me on how much better shape I was in. I think our approaches to life are vastly different and I certainly don't want to go over to their side.
9. I have adopted, to an extent, a cowgirl mentality (or a Red Riding Hood Witch). There is both the belief filed it takes to create such and the environment, my environment to be able to find peace in such.
Now, some of that is directly expressable even if saying some of it is not diplomatic. Other parts of it, however, are not.
Simply said, say to them, "I don't believe we are compatible."
Them, "Why not?"
"A, B, C, D..........."
I find that makes a better argument than just saying, "Because I said so.".
You're making this far more difficult than is necessary. All you need to say is "I'm not interested in having any roomates." Period. End of discussion. You don't even need to say "Because I said so." You owe them no explanations.
You don't want to do this, but you also don't want to lose their friendship. You cannot control how they will react. You have to accept that doing what you want (which is saying "no") may cause you to lose what you want to keep (their friendship). You can't have it both ways. Be honest with them and let the chips fall where they may.
What the suggestion was that us three workers in the section, who are getting on in years (that's how it was said, it is not how I think!), who live alone, should live together so if one is injured, the others can respond. Since I have the big house in the country, something I am not likely to leave, my place was suggested.
As Oprah once said, "no" is a complete sentence. If safety is the issue, it would be just as easy to check in with each other by text if someone is unexpectedly out-of-contact. Make sure that your contact info is up-to-date, etc. If these are coworkers and not friends, you don't need to do any more than that.
A text message isn't going to save someone who can't respond to it. I get what you're saying fleetiebelle, but the OP's coworkers have the right idea. People need support. And if this was back in the day, the OP probably would have had extended family or friends living out in the country with her. Living alone is not compatible with country living, IMO. To be honest, it doesn't sound like the OP even likes these women that much. But she wants their companionship. Just on her terms. Relationships are give and take. This could be an opportunity for the OP to grow, but she wants to hang on to the life she's always known. That's her choice, and there's nothing wrong with it. But she should be prepared for these women to choose not to be in her life anymore. From the limited info I have, it sounds like this "friendship" is destined to end either way. Sounds like the OP just tolerates them.
A text message isn't going to save someone who can't respond to it. I get what you're saying fleetiebelle, but the OP's coworkers have the right idea. People need support. And if this was back in the day, the OP probably would have had extended family or friends living out in the country with her. Living alone is not compatible with country living, IMO. To be honest, it doesn't sound like the OP even likes these women that much. But she wants their companionship. Just on her terms. Relationships are give and take. This could be an opportunity for the OP to grow, but she wants to hang on to the life she's always known. That's her choice, and there's nothing wrong with it. But she should be prepared for these women to choose not to be in her life anymore. From the limited info I have, it sounds like this "friendship" is destined to end either way. Sounds like the OP just tolerates them.
People in the largest cities in the world die and no one notices until the stench coming from their apartment causes someone to call the police. Living in the city or the country has nothing to do with people noticing or not noticing if you've dropped off the face of the earth.
She never said she doesn't like them, just that she doesn't want to live with them. Plenty of people I like very much but I don't want to live with them. I can't think of anyone I'd like to work with AND live with. Living together could just as well be the cause of the friendship's demise as not doing so.
I also think the OP is making this more complicated then it should be. My mother is 79 and has lived alone out of town since my father passed 5 years ago. Plenty of people have suggested that she have someone move in with her or she sell her house and move into town. Her answer: NO. No explanation, no bargaining, no negotiating just no. She's in good health and sound mind so she's certainly capable of being able to decide where and with who she want's to live and if that's only the dog then that's her right. She or the OP shouldn't have to argue and defend it.
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But she wants their companionship. Just on her terms. Relationships are give and take. This could be an opportunity for the OP to grow, but she wants to hang on to the life she's always known. That's her choice, and there's nothing wrong with it. But she should be prepared for these women to choose not to be in her life anymore. From the limited info I have, it sounds like this "friendship" is destined to end either way. Sounds like the OP just tolerates them.
