Which Do You Value More, Friends Or Family? (jealous, spouse, father)

[Willamette City]

I'm kind of with movingvanmorrison. My family kicked me out when I was 18. I don't have much if anything to do with them. I have a few good friends. My SO's family on the other hand are my friends and my support. I would give my life for them.

[kevxu]

With the single exception of an aunt, friends have been the best support in my life.

[Sonic_Spork]

My friends ARE my family.

My relatives are people I don't have a whole lot of interaction with, except for my sons. And I expect once they move out, we'll drift apart, too.

[jburress]

For me it's no doubt my family.

If including relatives that I rarely see, then friends.

[sas318]

Originally Posted by karen_in_nh_2012

I will never understand this kind of "logic." So these people who make you "extremely angry" are still more valuable to you than those who make you "happy" -- simply because of the total accident of birth that made you related?

That is so very bizarre to me.

For my immediate family at least, my parents live with us (I have my own family. Please don't ask me why they live with us) and I stay far away from my mom as much as possible in the house.

She has disgusting habits, is a slob, sneers and jeers at my dad and treats him like her slave, has said very, VERY hurtful things to me over the years and has caused endless amounts of stress and very bad guilty and resentful feelings inside me, and our personalities clash and we get on each other's nerves. So maybe I don't want to spend my free time with her, but if she's in trouble, has a health problem, I'll be there for her. I will hate doing it, feel resentful, and then feel guilty for feeling guilty and resentful, but I will do it because she is my mother. While she is everything bad that I just listed, she is who she is and cannot change her personality, and she has only loved me my whole life. She has also continued to help me today; when I need help, she agrees easily and never complains about it. So I cannot turn my back on my own mother.

While I am easily jaded to anyone who has ever offended or hurt me, like my brother recently, I psychologically work hard to see him in a neutral light again. Why? Because he's my BROTHER, and I don't want a bad relationship with my own brother.

Like I said, there is an unspoken connection with family members, even distant ones like my aunts, uncles, and cousins who live in another country that I've only met once. Family is like your own personal clique. No one else is qualified to be in this clique because no one else is related to you. So none of these relatives and I will become best friends, but psychologically, I know that these few people in a country of millions and I have an unspoken connection.

My husband has best friends, but when he needs help, he doesn't call his best friends first. The first people he calls are his siblings. Sure, he has best friends, but you can ask family certain things that you can't ask your friends, especially at the last minute, at least based on the people in my own life.

I once was a juror in a battery case. The defendant was homeless and a drug addict. His brother was on the stand and when the attorney asked why he would care about a homeless drug addict, the brother on the stand choked up and said, "Because he's my brother." That's what I mean.

[JrzDefector]

I always say that family is biological accident, but the shared experiences and bonds I have with my cousins are precious. My love for them is a visceral thing. But I got lucky with them (many people don't), and I'd say my friends are my family of choice. They are amazing people. Again, those same visceral feelings.

I don't think it comes down to entirely different methods of classification for me. 1) People for whom I would do terrible things to keep them safe. 2) People I am fond of. (Default setting for the rest of the population.) 3) People who don't signify.

[Chairmaker13]

Family without question. I don't have any friends to speak of. I have trusted many people and given them friendship and they have kicked me in the stomach in return. My family has always been there for me. There are no such things as friends...at least in my little world, there aren't. Yes, I get lonely, but loneliness isn't as painful as the kick in the stomach I mentioned.

[tijlover]

I'm guessing, perhaps wrongly, that those that choose family is they live in closer proximity to them.

I've been away from my family for 25 years now, living in the Southwest alone. Without the crutch of having family close by, you need to be tough to survive by yourself, and you have no choice but to invest your time and energy into friendships, close neighbors. It's unlikely any of my close family will move out here, let alone visit.

I do have a cousin 70 miles north, and when I moved down to Tucson last June, she promised to come visit after the summer, when it cooled down, and now we're heading into summer, and where is she? She's the same cousin that came to Las Vegas, when I lived there, with her husband to the Nascar races and not even a phone call.

I have a friend who I grew up with in MN, been friends since age 7, we're still very close, she lives in Arkansas and is planning to move into my co-op community next year so if that won't make me happy!!!

I do have a roommate that's been with me for 19 years and I can't even call him a roommate anymore, not even a friend, but a close family member.

[JonathanLB]

Well, I don’t know, I mean it’s about individuals as others said. Family doesn’t mean anything to me at all honestly, it’s still about the individual. I have usually had a great relationship with my dad, we get along well and despite the roads bumps and frustrations (especially the last few years), he’s my dad and I love him nonetheless. But my sister and I don’t talk much anymore, we are cordial at this point but I have nothing in common with her and she’s doing her own thing. I wish her the best but we live in the same general area and I never see her except for holidays or some occasional family dinner. When I move especially it’ll be different lives and that’ll be that. No ill will or anything, just too many negative times in the past and I can’t trust her. People I can’t trust won’t be part of my life. Period.

My best friend is someone I value more than anyone else besides my fiancé and dad, and I’d say I have a better, less complicated relationship with him than my dad. He’ll also be around longer and is very even keel. We have went through many periods of change and remained friends. When I lived in LA, he visited me, I visited him often. We lived in the same city before that and after that. Now he lives a few hours south and we visit each other often. Same will be true after I move, I intend to fly and visit him frequently.

[MinivanDriver]

Originally Posted by Parnassia

Neither. Individual people, regardless whether I was handed the association or cultivated it on my own, are the ones I value more or less. Every relationship is unique.

This.