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Old 03-24-2019, 02:25 PM
 
5,369 posts, read 2,241,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABQConvict View Post
You may be projecting. Try doing nice things for people. Regard people, even perfect strangers, as valuable people, and act accordingly. Let your words and actions reflect that so they know you recognize them.

Society, especially in densely populated areas, does lend itself to people guarding themselves and finding themselves in a bubble... and it shows in their behavior. But I find it is not hard to draw people out of that bubble, often with just a kind word.

But don't stand there and wait for a response to your kind gestures, just be nice and move on. Your transition from misanthropy to being a part of society is an internal part of your psychology, and should not demand verification or validation from others.

Yep. By and large, these are people who are holding up a mirror to themselves, especially when they are looking at the motivation of others.
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Old 03-24-2019, 02:28 PM
 
5,342 posts, read 3,385,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver View Post

Yep. By and large, these are people who are holding up a mirror to themselves
, especially when they are looking at the motivation of others.
I think completely blaming people who voice this feeling, opinion, or belief is not accurate nor fair. There is plenty of evidence for their feelings and their view. It's just that one can choose to look for all the good in the world, and there is plenty of good to view.

And I don't feel they are just " holding up a mirror to themselves".
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Old 03-24-2019, 04:14 PM
 
13 posts, read 3,936 times
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Wow, thanks for your contributions everyone. So many wonderful points made. I even found myself walking down the street yesterday repeating “look for the good, look for the good”. ☺️ I am really going to try. And more therapy is on the cards too. ��
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Old 03-24-2019, 05:46 PM
 
5,369 posts, read 2,241,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I think completely blaming people who voice this feeling, opinion, or belief is not accurate nor fair. There is plenty of evidence for their feelings and their view. It's just that one can choose to look for all the good in the world, and there is plenty of good to view.

And I don't feel they are just " holding up a mirror to themselves".

I said, "by and large," not "all." But, yes. To your point, there is rarely the clear-cut evidence you seem to offer up. Instead, there are just interpretations of actions based on one's existing biases. I mean, hell, how many time have you and another person witnessed a conversation and heard two completely different things? Your interpretation of that conversation was based entirely on the baggage you brought with you.

Let's use a hypothetical example. Let's say you have a friend who gets fired from her job. This friend has a constant litany of complaints about her work, her boss, how much she has to do, how little she gets paid, you name it. I bet you know someone just like that, because I have. You know, the kind where NOTHING IS THEIR FAULT.

But you're willing to believe her because, hey, you've had some terrible bosses too. And you're being a loyal friend. So because you want to be a supportive friend and have all your own baggage in your work history you're naturally wanting to impute the worst possible motivations to her boss.

However, if you start looking at it from his perspective, you might find that your friend was never on time, made the same mistakes over and over again, took way longer to get her work done than her colleagues, indulged in gossip, and was given multiple chances in reviews to clean up her act. She never got her work done because she was always on the phone, was always late to work, and generally ran her life like a flibbertigibbet. Her boss actually kept her on far longer than was wise, despite her being dead weight in the office. He never gave her raises because he kept hoping she would look for work. Finally, after losing a couple of pieces of business due to either her bumbling or outright laziness, he finally has to let her go.

But because of your biases in this hypothetical situation, he's a terrible person. In truth, he's actually proved to be rather generous and patient, keeping her on far longer than a normal boss would to the detriment of his operations.

This is actually similar to a situation I saw play out in one of my client's companies. When the recession hit in 2008, his company was getting hit hard. This guy had to let a third of his staff go. Holy smokes, you could have heard the hue and cry from those who remained. Mike is greedy. Mike is cruel. Mike is a hard-hearted bastard who doesn't give a rip that the rest of us will have to work harder for the same amount of money.

It never occurred to these people that Mike went without a paycheck for the next three years, digging his company out of the hole. He burned through his savings, and leveraged his personal assets to the hilt, when the easy thing might have been to just fire more people. Nope. He kept signing their paychecks while he wasn't making a dime. They groused about it for a year until the office bookkeeper quietly set them straight one day. Their attitude changed after that.

Those are precisely the kind of situation I'm talking about. When you make assumptions about other people and their motivations, you are indeed working from your own set of biases and your own worldview. Textbook cases like the kind you describe are rare.

Last edited by MinivanDriver; 03-24-2019 at 06:13 PM..
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Old 03-24-2019, 09:32 PM
 
Location: NYC
3,899 posts, read 1,621,879 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥Delaney♥ View Post
I have an incredibly low tolerance for most human beings.

Welcome to the club.



Instead of trying to fight your misanthropic inclinations and pretending to gain an appreciation of meaningless, pretentious people whose meaningless lives you couldn't give less of a damn about, just embrace it and try to find like-minded, logically-inclined misanthropic people. If you can't right away, then oh well, just find strength in your own solitude and find activities you can enjoy solo for the time being.
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Old 03-25-2019, 12:34 AM
 
6,859 posts, read 3,806,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥Delaney♥ View Post
I have an incredibly low tolerance for most human beings. I feel like everyone is only out for themselves and no one cares anymore. Even every small unacceptable action I see (e.g. a perfectly able bodied person parking in a handicapped spot, people in the cinema playing on their phones with no consideration for anyone around them, a girl working in a clothing store, chewing gum and not even acknowledging you as she ďservesĒ you etc) makes me hate people even more. I think the internet has exposed just how many awful people there are out there too.

As a kid I didnít have many friends but I had some. Now as an adult I virtually have none. The ones I do have Iím not close with, and I might see once a year. Iím not sure youíd even consider them a friend.

I do want more friends. I want to be more accepting of othersí opinions and just accept people can sometimes be garbage but that everyone has flaws.

Does anyone else feel misanthropic sometimes? Any tips?
Here's a tip - start with the small things; why should a person chewing gum inspire you to even make the keystrokes necessary to write it here? Then move on to all those other things you mention and decide why such things that most would simply find a bit annoying inspire you to HATE. Those things don't rise to the level of awful acts, much less make them "awful people" or "garbage."
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Old 03-25-2019, 07:50 AM
 
6,383 posts, read 2,290,358 times
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2 pieces of advice.


Step away from your computer and social media for at least an hour a day. Every day.


Get out and take a walk for that hour. Every day. Fill your head with endorphins. If not an hour, than 20 minutes, and build up to it.


If you are consistent, you will come to enjoy your walks, and the "feel good" that comes with them.


And take a break from exposing yourself to everyone else's opinions. I honestly think that social media stresses people out, needlessly.
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Old 03-25-2019, 08:02 AM
 
5,369 posts, read 2,241,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
2 pieces of advice.


Step away from your computer and social media for at least an hour a day. Every day.


Get out and take a walk for that hour. Every day. Fill your head with endorphins. If not an hour, than 20 minutes, and build up to it.


If you are consistent, you will come to enjoy your walks, and the "feel good" that comes with them.


And take a break from exposing yourself to everyone else's opinions. I honestly think that social media stresses people out, needlessly.

I agree. I will add this: Have one conversation with someone you normally wouldn't. You know, the cashier at the grocery store. The guy who always gives you coffee. It just isn't that hard.
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Old 03-25-2019, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
26,846 posts, read 5,742,047 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I think Mr. Rogers had the best idea.

Look for the good.

When you go out in public, LOOK for the person who is behaving the most kindly, and mentally give them an award.

If there's someone who somewhat is pleasing to you, think of 3 things that are really positive about them.

Look for the person who is exuding the most joy.

Seek and ye shall find, Delaney.

Very nice response, ClaraC.....
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Old 03-25-2019, 01:01 PM
 
13 posts, read 3,936 times
Reputation: 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
2 pieces of advice.


Step away from your computer and social media for at least an hour a day. Every day.


Get out and take a walk for that hour. Every day. Fill your head with endorphins. If not an hour, than 20 minutes, and build up to it.


If you are consistent, you will come to enjoy your walks, and the "feel good" that comes with them.


And take a break from exposing yourself to everyone else's opinions. I honestly think that social media stresses people out, needlessly.
I walk 5 miles to work most mornings, but I find sometimes that just gives me more time to brood on things.

I hate social media. I have gotten rid of all apps bar Instagram, because I like to cook and they have some good recipe pages, but it is a killer.

Just this morning I saw a post from a girl I used to be very close with, announcing sheíd gotten a new role in her line of work. I left a comment congratulating her which was ignored, while the comment of a girl she didnít like very much when we were close was met with a ďLetís catch up soon! XĒ I am always trying to catch up with her but she says sheís very busy.

I know people who make friends at places like the gym and exercise classes. I try to suggest catching up for a coffee with a fellow woman in one of my classes and Iím looked at like Iím a total creep. If I go to a party and end up having a great conversation with someone, often I will send them a message on social media saying how lovely it was to meet them. 99% of the time these are ignored. Thatís when the paranoia always kicks in. Is it me? Do I exude misanthropy and people donít want to be around me? I donít talk about negative topics, why canít I ever connect with anyone? Is each of these failed attempts making me even more misanthropic? Why can everyone else seem to make friends so easily?

I have had many close friends over the years but never really been able to KEEP any.
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