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Many work relationships, no matter how cordial, if they are work-only are simply a matter of circumstance and evaporate as soon as the circumstances change.
You no longer work at your old place, you live in Europe now. (Welcome, by the way!).
One door has closed in your life, another has opened. Make the most of your life here. Enjoy!
Thanks for the advice everyone! I feel better now. Looking back, my topics of conversation would mostly be about work with those people. You are right, they were work acquaintances, nothing more. Some of you mentioned Americans in general tend to act like BFFs at first, then disappear as soon as the common tie is cut. I think this is true too.
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... the deleting you from social media is pretty strange (I assume something like facebook or instagram). This is completely weird since you left to go to Europe and being the curious person I am I would be looking for photos and if you posted a lot and it was annoying I would just unfollow not delete.
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Could there also be an element of jealousy? Perhaps they don't like where they are at compared to you.
Regarding the blocking on social media, the two guys who did it do seem to have a chip on their shoulder. One of them was always talking smugly about how he's too good for our company, and flaunting about his "first-class trips" to exotic parts of the world. I don't know the other person's problem. But it's their issue, not mine.
I worked for 3+ years at a company in the States. I’m in my mid-20s and mostly hung out with coworkers my age. We added each other on social media and hung out at lunchtime. After seeing the same people for more than 900 days straight, you’d think we were close. I thought so, anyway.
After I voluntarily left the company for family reasons (moving to Europe!), I reached out to a few of them who’d sent me their personal emails to stay in touch. Zero replied. INCLUDING my old boss, who had cried the day I left. Now she’s fallen off the radar and doesn’t even acknowledge me.
What’s weirder, I noticed two coworkers completely deleted me from their social media profiles. One even went so far as to block me out of the blue. I hadn’t spoken to that person since I’d left the company, so I have no idea what caused this.
I am a shy person by nature, and I always try to be nice to people for fear of rocking the boat. I’d genuinely thought these people were my friends. I feel sort of sliced open right now. I’d included a bunch of them on my farewell company email, and had put a lot of thought into it, and this is what I get. Lol.
Maybe someone more experienced can shed advice and commiserate?
They took it personally after you left their cult.
Op:you are a rare gem in this world! You value friendship and the influence others shared. You honestly have a handle on who/what is important. I hope you refrain from being jaded by their dismissive attitude. Continue being a decent being.
I to this day value some folks from 30 years ago. We don't chat or text. I do know that they meant something.
And yes after 15 years at one job... (it felt like family!), none call or care . So it goes. It was a rude awakening.
I worked for 3+ years at a company in the States. I’m in my mid-20s and mostly hung out with coworkers my age. We added each other on social media and hung out at lunchtime.
My guess is they hung out with you at lunchtime more out of necessity and you hung out with them because you chose to. You don't indicate that you spent any time with them off hours away from work so it seems like very casual acquaintances. Back when I worked for others there were people I might chat with at lunch of whom I would never in a million years want to really hang out with for a variety of reasons. Perhaps where you are from in Europe things are done differently.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Hate that you found this out the hard way but the workplace is usually not a place where you make long lasting friendships. Your coworkers will mostly only give the appearance of friendship while your there to “be a team player.”
If it makes you feel any better, I left a job 3 months ago where supposedly I was “highly respected” per my manager. I didn’t get one call or message from any of them. Of course, I knew most of them were fake a$& people anyway so this was hardly a shock.
I can give another example. I remained friends with an old coworker but that was because we worked together on a project outside of work on *occasion*.
Whereas, there was another group of friends at the same place who worked together heavily in the workplace, and even hung out with each others families. Once they even joined together to host a party for everyone at work, outside the workplace. But after some of them left that job, their relationships almost ended.
It's not anything personal. They just don't have anything that ties them together. That can be difficult in adulthood sometimes.
OP where were you working previously in the states? Maybe that is the clue needed to understand. As NorthOfHere said "This is completely weird since you left to go to Europe and being the curious person I am I would be looking for photos " Most would be curious. I would be! I love looking a people's travel or foreign (to me) photos!
Maybe your boss had a crush on you?
Were you in Southern Cal? I have a friend from there-Asian who just got bad news in the health realm and she found the majority of her friends she camps with-abandoned her! I asked her it might be related to being Type A and she said no she thought it was a Southern Cal thing.
Americans are all over the place related to keeping up friendships, even those from the same city. So many different backgrounds and ethnic variations that have different manners and from parts of the country with different ways of looking at things-all shifting over decades.
Many Americans keep up friendships with people from school rather than work. I tend to be more that way. Looking back, I have let lots of friendships go from work. If I had seen those people regularly and kept up with them by phone after working with them and they had turned into sincere friendships-I would not have. In fact this friend in Southern Cal was a work friend of my husband and her and I hit it off and she had small social groups she would get together and we got closer over time.
You seem to be a good person and quality as they say. Focus on the now and getting some friends in real life off work.
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