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I worked for 3+ years at a company in the States. I’m in my mid-20s and mostly hung out with coworkers my age. We added each other on social media and hung out at lunchtime. After seeing the same people for more than 900 days straight, you’d think we were close. I thought so, anyway.
After I voluntarily left the company for family reasons (moving to Europe!), I reached out to a few of them who’d sent me their personal emails to stay in touch. Zero replied. INCLUDING my old boss, who had cried the day I left. Now she’s fallen off the radar and doesn’t even acknowledge me.
What’s weirder, I noticed two coworkers completely deleted me from their social media profiles. One even went so far as to block me out of the blue. I hadn’t spoken to that person since I’d left the company, so I have no idea what caused this.
I am a shy person by nature, and I always try to be nice to people for fear of rocking the boat. I’d genuinely thought these people were my friends. I feel sort of sliced open right now. I’d included a bunch of them on my farewell company email, and had put a lot of thought into it, and this is what I get. Lol.
Maybe someone more experienced can shed advice and commiserate?
Out of sight, out of mind. Which is pretty typical for friendships formed at work. And when you go back to visit, you might be able to get some to come out for a happy hour. But I doubt most really want to keep in touch. Sure, you might form a deeper friendship with one or two people and you'll keep in touch via SM and texting.
It's nothing personal. They are friendships formed out of convenience and it's no longer convenient.
I worked with a bunch of women for eight years, and we became close. We hung out in our personal lives, and one in particular and I were like sisters. Then our company was bought out, and they got rid of us one by one. When I lost my job, I could no longer afford health care and became very ill. Not one of them ever came to see me or call to see how I was doing. However, they hung out together without me, and posted their outings on social media. I was never invited, and it hurt. After a while, the one that was like my sister totally ghosted me even on social media.
While I understand the whole "work buddies" idea, I have also had friends that continued the relationship even after we no longer worked together. I met my best friend when we worked together in a bank, and we are still close after almost 40 years. All the ups and downs, marriages, kids, divorces, death, we were there for each other, and we still are even though we now live 900 miles apart.
I guess the folks that no longer wish to be your friend outside of the workplace were never really your true friends to begin with.
There was a farewell party for me and my boss gave me her business card with her home number, cell and address on the back. These were her words, "I'm going to let you decide if you want to keep in touch or not."
I didn't. I realized that she was a little more cutthroat than I was used to and didn't want to fake the funk.
When I lost my job, I could no longer afford health care and became very ill. Not one of them ever came to see me or call to see how I was doing. However, they hung out together without me, and posted their outings on social media. I was never invited, and it hurt.
Sorry this happened to you. A lot of work-friends sound like fair-weather acquaintances at best, though there are the rare gems. It could also be they felt awkward when you fell ill, and didn't know how to approach it (e.g., "does she want sympathy or to be left alone?").
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OP where were you working previously in the states? Maybe that is the clue needed to understand.
I was in the New England - Boston area, and the company was very big. That could have also been a factor.
I feel sort of sliced open right now. I’d included a bunch of them on my farewell company email, and had put a lot of thought into it, and this is what I get.
I feel like you are having a way stronger reaction than what is normal to this.
I worked for 3+ years at a company in the States. I’m in my mid-20s and mostly hung out with coworkers my age. We added each other on social media and hung out at lunchtime. After seeing the same people for more than 900 days straight, you’d think we were close. I thought so, anyway.
After I voluntarily left the company for family reasons (moving to Europe!), I reached out to a few of them who’d sent me their personal emails to stay in touch. Zero replied. INCLUDING my old boss, who had cried the day I left. Now she’s fallen off the radar and doesn’t even acknowledge me.
What’s weirder, I noticed two coworkers completely deleted me from their social media profiles. One even went so far as to block me out of the blue. I hadn’t spoken to that person since I’d left the company, so I have no idea what caused this.
I am a shy person by nature, and I always try to be nice to people for fear of rocking the boat. I’d genuinely thought these people were my friends. I feel sort of sliced open right now. I’d included a bunch of them on my farewell company email, and had put a lot of thought into it, and this is what I get. Lol.
Maybe someone more experienced can shed advice and commiserate?
Well it is too bad but it happens, even if you don't leave the area just the company.
At least one or two would have been smart to stay in contact in case they ever wanted to visit you.
If you only hung out with them at lunch, and not as friends outside of work, they likely thought of you as a coworker, not a friend. Most of us have lives outside of work, and outside of the context of work even the coworkers that I regularly eat or chat with aren't classified in my head as 'friends', and I would certainly never think of them as "close".
I think it's rude that they never replied, but at the same time I think you may have made to much out of office buddy-time.
I guess the folks that no longer wish to be your friend outside of the workplace were never really your true friends to begin with.
Well, no, in the OP's case they had lunch together and were friends on social media. How that would translate to anyone as 'true friendship' is beyond me.
Thanks for the advice everyone! I feel better now. Looking back, my topics of conversation would mostly be about work with those people. You are right, they were work acquaintances, nothing more. Some of you mentioned Americans in general tend to act like BFFs at first, then disappear as soon as the common tie is cut. I think this is true too.
Regarding the blocking on social media, the two guys who did it do seem to have a chip on their shoulder. One of them was always talking smugly about how he's too good for our company, and flaunting about his "first-class trips" to exotic parts of the world. I don't know the other person's problem. But it's their issue, not mine.
Those coworkers were just making the best of it at work since they knew they had to work w/ you. Now whether they really liked you or not is a totally different story & as you're seeing now, they don't care at all & don't want to be bothered. And regarding the "crying", etc. on your last work day, that was still part of the "act".
People at work aren't REAL FRIENDS, unless maybe you're in one of these 2 situations:
- you were close friends BEFORE you started working at the same place
- you actually hang out & talk on the phone OUTSIDE OF WORK on a regular basis w/ the person
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