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You've described this sister several times before OP. If it wasn't just venting what will change? If she's not changing maybe you need to. Change where and how she occupies space in your life. That, at least is within your control.
This. Lower your expectations & then she will not disappoint you.
Sounds like envy to me, OP. You'd really like to tell her friends and admirers what a crappy person she actually is.
And yet she is loved and you're...not.
There's nothing to be gained from this line of thinking. It's corrosive and will only eat away at you.
I understand where the OP is coming from - a childhood wound - and "life isn't fair."
WHY is her sister so loved? It escapes logic. That's part of what makes understanding it difficult. Maybe ask someone why they like her, despite the fact that she's a horrible person. It might be interesting to actually hear others reasoning or experience of her.
Many people are good in some areas of life and not others. It sounds like the OP’s sister is good at having lots of shallow relationships but horrible at building deeper relationships. That is not uncommon. The OP’s problem is that she keeps expecting her sister to change and suddenly become better at building deeper relationship when she hasn’t shown the inclination or ability in more than 40 years of life so far.
Yes. A few people have said that. She is on depression meds and she drinks and smokes pot a lot which I know can be part of it.
Yes, I think bipolar also, however, depression meds won't work.
Depression meds treat depression, not the depression associated with bipolor. Same symptom, but different underlying disease.
Bipolar people are willing to treat the low and will willingly acknowledge it, but will fight furiously to protect the high by hiding the high from their psychiatrist. You could call her psychiatrist and express your belief that she is bipolar and not depressed. What he does with that information will be on him, not you, as it should be.
I have a sister to whom people are drawn. If she's in the room, I'm invisible to mutual friends and family. I think part of the attraction is that she is very entertaining and funny - but also that it's tough to get and keep her attention. If you're not in her daily path or sight, you're kind of off her radar - a bit of love the one you're with. It's not that she doesn't like you, but she lives very much in the present, so if she's not seeing you in her normal flight path, she may only think of you now and again. This means she's very bad at keeping in touch with people and loses the thread of contact unless the others are willing to always be the one to make the effort. Some people wind up feeling as if they're treated badly or become frustrated and mutual friends or acquaintances have in the past complained to me about it.
So while our sisters are different, to some extent our situations are similar. I have and will make an offer to stay in touch with people - the very people who will then ignore me if she's in the room. Another sister will lament to me about how our sister doesn't respond to her or even remember her special days, but she would run me over to get to her. You wonder why people are so willing to overlook careless treatment but then run to get more. In my case, my sister is more colorful than I am - and they only get her attention now and again. People often want what is illusive - and with your sister, it sounds like her image and their impression of her is a bit of an illusion.
For all the people who seem to admire and think your sister is so wonderful, it doesn't sound like many have gotten to know her well - or that she's happy. My guess is that she knows that what she tries to represent to others is just as you see it - not rea/fakel. It is probably who she WANTS to be, but in presenting herself as something other than she actually is, I'd guess it may actually make her feel bad about herself because she's not able to authentically be the person she wants to be. An act is always hard to maintain - and it doesn't sound like she's happy. The real her probably has few interpersonal connections or REAL friends.
I hope you can find some peace in dealing with your sister. I can see where it might inspire some envy to have mutual acquaintances admiring the façade she is presenting to them and the world. In some odd way, it may be easier to accept that it's not real than it might be if she really was that wonderful and the admiration was justified - but then you'd probably enjoy having a relationship with that wonderful person. LOL. It doesn't sound like she's happy with her life and hopefully you are with your own.
Are their different degrees of bipolar? I mean she hasn’t gone off the rails or ended up in a hospital. I just notice the drama with her boyfriends and her mood swings.
I definitely don’t think she is a horrible person. Selfish but doesn’t deliberately try to hurt people. She tries to make excuses I feel. Like if I say she really hurt me, she will say something like. “You choose to be hurt”
I once was in love with someone like this. He was very charismatic. People flocked to him, in part because he was a very talented musician/singer, but also because he had the ability to make each person who he is with feel like they are his best friend. He told me how easily he became infatuated with me, even though it was me who was infatuated with him. Then when you are not physically with him, you might as well not exist. He was very "in the moment" and being with him in that moment was incredibly exhilarating, and you became swept up in his whirlwind personality.
He hurt me very badly, several times. I fell for him over and over again, only to end up feeling abandoned each time. He was SO careless with the feelings of others. I ended up cutting him from my life. It would be hard to do that with a sibling, but what I recommend is to simply stop expecting anything from your sister, except disappointment. Expect that things will probably not go well. Just don't count on her for anything. If she shows up, great, if not let it go. This is how she is and you will never change her, so change yourself. Stop being her doormat, and letting her wipe her feet on you.
I'm not an expert, but I think the medical profession has come up with at least a half dozen varieties of bipolarism.
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