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This thread reminds me of my now MIL's early gifts to me. The first year was granny panties about 3 sizes too large (I was 18). Another year was a pack of copy paper. The ridiculousness continued well after we were married. I moved beyond the hurt feelings and required that my hubby "screen" all gifts and only pass along any he thought were appropriate. Needless to say, I haven't seen anything come my way in over 3 decades. HAHAHA
When I was in graduate school, my mother gave me a set of kitchen towels for Christmas, but gave my then-husband (also a graduate student) a very expensive, monogrammed leather briefcase. I was kind of baffled - after all the pressure to go to graduate school, somehow once I got married I only rated homemaker gifts.
Anyway, I digress. Anyone who comes to my house for Christmas, which is rarer and rarer these days, gets a gift.
I'm going to go against the grain and say less is more. Keep it to one edible or quickly usable gift, max. As the significant other in that situation for many years, I would rather not have participated in the gift giving. A lot of us would rather not be put in the spotlight like that, and gifts that aren't a candle or a bag of specialty coffee are usually destined for the landfill.
Someone said it's very awkward to sit around with nothing to do while a family unwraps gifts. I disagree. I say it's very awkward to open several unasked for and impersonal gifts in front of people who are not your family, feeling like you have to put on a performance of delighted gratitude because these people are constantly judging you on your suitability for their precious child.
I may be projecting just a hair. Seriously, though, not every significant other or friend home from college wants to be put in the spotlight like that. It's not just the spotlight, but wondering if they should have brought something. And kids in college don't have the time or money to buy things for people outside of their own immediate circle. It's best to give a single small token gift and leave it at that.
I'm going to go against the grain and say less is more. Keep it to one edible or quickly usable gift, max. As the significant other in that situation for many years, I would rather not have participated in the gift giving. A lot of us would rather not be put in the spotlight like that, and gifts that aren't a candle or a bag of specialty coffee are usually destined for the landfill.
Someone said it's very awkward to sit around with nothing to do while a family unwraps gifts. I disagree. I say it's very awkward to open several unasked for and impersonal gifts in front of people who are not your family, feeling like you have to put on a performance of delighted gratitude because these people are constantly judging you on your suitability for their precious child.
I may be projecting just a hair. Seriously, though, not every significant other or friend home from college wants to be put in the spotlight like that. It's not just the spotlight, but wondering if they should have brought something. And kids in college don't have the time or money to buy things for people outside of their own immediate circle. It's best to give a single small token gift and leave it at that.
I don't think you're going against the grain, most responses are to keep the gifts small and low key. Once our kids had graduated and seemed more serious about their SOs, we still struggled with what to gift girls we didn't know well. We chose experiences over piles under the tree. Restaurant gift cards, movie tickets, zip line tours, etc were all well received, and we addressed them to the couple which eliminated awkwardness. I still prefer to gift this way.
If they will be there during the present exchange, then it would be appropriate to have some small gift for them. It could be a little bag with some lotion, or a nice candle, or something generic. If they will not be there during the present exchange, I would not worry about it.
When we still exchanged gifts with folks outside the family, we used to keep a closet shelf filled with prewrapped gifts....or should I say re-gifts? They were the same stuff that people kept giving us, the exact same stuff. I finally realized that passing around the same old (sometimes literally, sometimes only figuratively speaking) candles, lotion, and "coffee cup with a bag of coffee" gifts was really silly. It costs folks money to buy things that the recipients already have and don't need more of. I would honestly rather have a plate of home-made cookies, or a gift card to the movies or something. It's not the cost of the gifts that matters really, it's just the thought, or rather lack of, that the gifts reflect. Your KIDS should be the one buying a gift for their girlfriend./boyfriend. They know them, presumably love them, and their gift will be meaningful to the recipient. Another Yankee Candle? Through it in the closet with the other ones we've never used.
Our children never had serious, long lasting boyfriends/girlfriends during high school so it wasn't an issue. If they did, I would have bought them some small gift if they were spending part of the holidays with us. I wouldn't have expected anything.
The first college boyfriend had been around about a year by the first Christmas together so of course I bought him gifts. He spent that first Christmas with us.
I sent our son's girlfriend gifts since I was sending them to our son the first year he didn't come home for Christmas.
ERH's post reminded me of a memorable gift from my mother-in-law. It was the late 80's. Husband and I were in grad school. She bought me this long, quilted skirt. It was what I thought of as a hostess skirt. I'm pretty sure she found it at a garage sale. Not quite sure when she thought I'd have a need for a hostess skirt since most of my time was spent working, in class or at the library.
Anyone who spends the holiday at our home gets a gift, whether it's a friend or someone they're dating. My go-to for high school or college age boyfriends has been a fast food or gas gift card and a bag of homemade chex mix. I usually keep a nice blanket or some Bath & Body Works products on hand in case a friend joins us.
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