Paternal Grandparents get no quality time with 7-month old grandson and will not be allowed to share in his First Xmas (person, holiday)

[MooksterL1]

Maybe you will still get good news!

[vinca]

Maybe, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Let's face it, if this option was acceptable to the baby's mom, then our son would have called back that evening as promised and we would have already made our reservations. It's not going to happen... it's time to move on...

Going forward, we will remember our grandson with a small gift on all special occasions, the rest of the money we would have spent will be deposited in a saving account for him. When we send the small gift with a card, we will include the most recent balance of the savings account... that way they can't accuse us of being cheap...

[malamute]

Originally Posted by NCN

Well, on that note, how about delivering the Christmas presents with the excuse that since this is such a special Christmas, you wanted to make sure the child got its Christmas presents on time. If they don't invite you in they are totally classless.

I would make sure that they get each and every present that you bought, whether you feel like it or not. The way to overcome evil is with good. I also would ask when they are planning to get married to give the child its proper name. This is not out of line, it is just normal. I would make sure to mention this when everyone is present including the other grandparents. I think something is going on here that you do not know about. Grandparents do have rights. Being nice is not getting it done. It sounds to me like this couple is taking advantage of both grandparents. They have been doing grownup things, so they need to grow up. You might want to join together with the other grandparents to help them do that. I think you and the other grandmother need to become friends.

I think something is going on too -- not so much from the young couple but from the non-in-laws.

It doesn't seem that normal to me that they would encourage their daughter's boyfriend to just move in but never marry the girl. It seems that they may be manipulative, putting the boy (man) in a spot by providing his room and board but allowing him and the girlfriend to spend money on frivolous things instead of supporting their new family.

I think they have their grabs on this baby. They don't want a marriage, are not encouraging much responsibility from either parent -- for their own selfish reasons. What better way to get the young mother to lose respect for her boyfriend and eventually drop him than to encourage him to have no financial responsibility and spend his money like a single kid living at home.

It sounds like the young father is kind of stuck in the middle. He has no position of power at all even though it's his child involved. He's living off these people, but maybe that's his only way of staying in the picture if her parents have convinced her not to marry but she can have a shack up boyfriend living in their home for as long as she wants him there, then it's out he goes. They keep their daughter and they keep her baby.

[malamute]

Originally Posted by vinca

Maybe, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Let's face it, if this option was acceptable to the baby's mom, then our son would have called back that evening as promised and we would have already made our reservations. It's not going to happen... it's time to move on...

Going forward, we will remember our grandson with a small gift on all special occasions, the rest of the money we would have spent will be deposited in a saving account for him. When we send the small gift with a card, we will include the most recent balance of the savings account... that way they can't accuse us of being cheap...

I think you're best biding your time. At some point you should try to talk to your son, find out if this is actually the way he wishes to live his life, or if he's feeling as though he's not able to have a say.

Legal action at some point may be necessary -- even for his sake. He may just being "kept" for now to be pushed out of the picture when it suits them.

Things can change but I would still check on grandparent rights but not all states have them. You may have no rights but at some point he may have to get his parental rights.

[PeachyMJ]

If I were you, I'd just send them a note telling them that you've started an acct for the baby. I don't think I'd keep them in the know as to the balances.

[mommytotwo]

I am so sorry for your situation. That is terrible. i had an uncle who was married to a woman that alienated him from his family and we didn't see my cousin but a few times (one was a disaster of a birthday party) until my uncle divorced when my cousin was 11. He was so happy to see all of us (uncle had custody).

Originally Posted by mrstewart

This is such a sad story. I am so sorry.

The savings account sounds like a good idea...send a small trinket and open up an account with the other money you would have spent...

Keep the savings account in your name only. You probably cannot put it in the baby's name anyway because you'd need the social security number to do that.

If you want to include the baby in your will, put whatever you want for him in a trust he can't get to till he's 18 or 21.

Originally Posted by malamute

Otherwise, your probably better off without a close bond with this child as sad as that might be. They don't sound like a very stable pair that will end up making it.

This is sad but true.

The good thing is that if it all goes to hell, then your son is going to need somewhere to go and he will get visitation rights, and as long as there is no problem between the two of you you will be able to see your grandson.

Originally Posted by mrstewart

That's a good idea too! Just show up around 9am and walk on in with gifts and a big hug and smile! What can they say??

We're going to get you in there to see that sweet baby come hell or high water

I was thinking the same thing. Just show up with the gifts. Only the most Jerry Springer family would do anything but invite you in. You do know where they live, don't you? So I'd just stalk them till I knew the baby was home, then sweetly ring the doorbell with a pile of presents in my hand.

You are really in a difficult position. But, take heart, the child is onlly a baby and will never remember this. Save your energy for later when he grows up a bit.

I really like the savings account idea. Set it up in your name, and put in money periodically that you would have spent on the child. Then send a small gift for all holidays with a note that you made a deposit into the account.

[vinca]

I do realize that this situation does not look good for the future. I think our son will eventually get the boot and he will have to fight for his parental rights. If the adults in this situation would just behave like adults, then this would be a non-issue. What is in the best interests of the baby? I feel like he is being used like a pawn in this situation and I don't like it one bit. That's why I'm throwing in the towel on this fight. We will not see our grandson on his First Christmas. Who knows when we will get to see him again. Until our son decides that he will not stand by and allow his family to be excluded from his son's life, we will need to continue our lives without contact with our son and his family. I know someday he will come to his senses and he will apologize for what has happened.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by vinca

Our grandson is being made the innocent victim here and he should not go without the gifts that we bought for him. As for his parents, they have a choice and if they choose to not even spend a couple of hours with us at Christmastime, so be it. Their gifts will be ready for them, whenever they decide to behave like adults.

Please don't be mad at your son. I don't think he has control over the situation.

Did you read what I said about the car loan?
Please protect yourself & son from her getting a piece of the car.

Originally Posted by mommytotwo

Keep the savings account in your name only. You probably cannot put it in the baby's name anyway because you'd need the social security number to do that.

Our GD's is in her name with my husband. Yes we have her SS #
Hopefully her son will give her the baby's SS #

Originally Posted by mommytotwo

If you want to include the baby in your will, put whatever you want for him in a trust he can't get to till he's 18 or 21.

For a trust, I would go older then that; especially since it will go to her when you're gone and not around to judge whether she is old enough to manage money.

Originally Posted by mommytotwo

The good thing is that if it all goes to hell, then your son is going to need somewhere to go and he will get visitation rights, and as long as there is no problem between the two of you you will be able to see your grandson.

If her son moves out, while he may get visitation, the girl & her family may stop it like what's happening to my SS. From what I am reading, they sound controlling and if that is the case, they may never see the child until they are old enough to decide themselves

[Twinkle Toes]

Vinca, which state do you live in? Are your son and the baby in the same state, if not which state are they in? I work in the legal profession and I have many, many resources and would like to point you in the right direction. You need to take action NOW. I am not saying you need to drag anybody into court just yet, but you need to start gathering your ammo. Your son, even more so than you, needs to start getting his ducks in a row. You can PM me if you'd like.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by vinca

I do realize that this situation does not look good for the future. I think our son will eventually get the boot and he will have to fight for his parental rights. If the adults in this situation would just behave like adults, then this would be a non-issue. What is in the best interests of the baby? I feel like he is being used like a pawn in this situation and I don't like it one bit. That's why I'm throwing in the towel on this fight. We will not see our grandson on his First Christmas. Who knows when we will get to see him again. Until our son decides that he will not stand by and allow his family to be excluded from his son's life, we will need to continue our lives without contact with our son and his family. I know someday he will come to his senses and he will apologize for what has happened.

I give you credit for being open minded and knowing what is going on and who is controlling who. We've said all along it's been the parents in our case; what do they care as long as they have their grandchild?

What was the circumstances of the baby?
Like how long were they dating?
Did you know the girl before she got pregnant?
Baby wasn't planned? Did you ever say anything negative that may have gotten back to her?

Rereading your 1st post, I had an 8 hr drive in my head; and hour and a 1/2 is nothing. This is worst then what we're going through. Ours is a few states away. We'd have a restraining order against us if they were in the same state lol. While it did help to keep us feeling like we couldn't do anything, I'm afraid if they were closer we would have done stupid things a long time ago.

After the Christmas was taken away from my SS that year, I wrote her a note in a Christmas card; don't remember what I said exactly but something about sharing the child and how I know how hard it is but the child needs to know both sets of grand parents and parents.. it may have made things worst for my SS.

Originally Posted by vinca

Well, it's Sunday morning and he has not called back. So, the excuse about the long drive was lame. We offer an alternative that is less than 3 miles away and we hear nothing.

Not for nothing, how reliable is your son returning phone calls anyway?
My son is the pits some days as are a lot of kids I know that age.
Then if he is home on weekends, I'm sure she has him busy with other things then calling his mom. There are girls out there that don't like their guys to have a relationship with their mother, my son's last GF included; thankfully he never got her pregnant.. the guy she cheated on my son with did and I hope my son is finally done with her. My son did not act like himself with this girl.

Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes

Vinca, which state do you live in? Are your son and the baby in the same state, if not which state are they in? I work in the legal profession and I have many, many resources and would like to point you in the right direction. You need to take action NOW. I am not saying you need to drag anybody into court just yet, but you need to start gathering your ammo. Your son, even more so than you, needs to start getting his ducks in a row. You can PM me if you'd like.

You're right but if she drags her son into it, he may turn on her like what happened to us. My hubby tried to speak to his son, some days he listened, eventually it back fired and he was accused of disliking the wife. Of course the SS said something to the wife so now she knows how he felt, which made things worst for us too. It's a very fine line and unless the son is ready to get his rights known, it's better to just leave alone until the son comes to her.

I say this because right now it seems like the son hasn't complained to his parents about the situation; so he's quietly living with the situation. Her son is taking responsibility for his actions even if it means he has to live like this.


I found this online. I think this is where the GP live..

Visitation Rights of Grandparents
August 15, 2008 by admin

I do not have a good relationship with my adult child, and she will not allow me to see my grandchildren. Under Massachusetts law, what visitation rights, if any, do I have? -- Various readers

The issue of visitation rights for grandparents is controlled by Massachusetts General Laws, c. 119, s. 39D. Grandparents may petition the probate and family court for visitation rights with their “unmarried minor” grandchildren if: (1) the parents are divorced, married but living apart, or under a temporary order or judgment of separate support; or (2) one or both parents are deceased; or (3) if the child was born out of wedlock, the parents do not reside together and the paternity of the child has been established by a court or by a signed acknowledgment. (Maternal grandparents may proceed under Section 119 even when the paternity has not been established.)

To gain visitation rights, the grandparent(s) must file a petition at the Probate and Family Court in the county in which the divorce or separate support complaint or the complaint to establish paternity was filed. The Grandparent(s) must demonstrate to the court that an order allowing visitation would be in the best interest of the child. Note, however, that Massachusetts law does not provide a mechanism for grandparents to obtain visitation rights in situations where the parents are alive, living together, and in agreement that the grandparent(s) should not see the child. In such cases, the only way the grandparent(s) can visit the child is if some agreement is reached with the parents.