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A couple of years ago, I moved from Southern California to the DC area and find myself missing California terribly. In fact, I started to miss it almost from day one, and have decided to return to CA in the coming months.
My parents and brother live in DC and the mid-atlantic area, and I am already feeling guilty about my decision to leave them (Mom is 62, Dad is 70, both are in good health).
Just wanted to hear comments from folks who live far away from parents and/or family. How do you deal with the guilt (or do you feel any at all?) I have already made the decision because CA is best for me for a number of reasons. Plus, I just feel like a fish out of water here (and yes, I am a pisces!)
Thanks for your thoughts and sharing your experiences.
Namaste!
PS: I also posted this thread in the CA section a couple of years ago, but also want an "east coast" perspective!
Last edited by Kalika; 06-24-2009 at 11:21 PM..
Reason: Add PS
I've lived in the area away from home for the first time for almost a year. I'm definitely homesick. I don't feel guilt though. I think with me my mom has actually been very encouraging. She misses me but has encouraged me to stick with it and not give up on the DC area specifically VA. When I told her that a friend was encouraging to quit and come back home she got mad. She paid for me to move up here and paid my first month's rent and the security deposit so she was a big supporter for me moving up here.
Now I will say that my mother is 51 and in good health. If she was older I might feel differently especially being an only child. I've already decided that if her health ever starts to fail I'd move her up here versus moving back to GA because there are more opportunities here.
I think that your parents will understand. They want you to be happy. Just make sure that you visit often. Either way good luck in CA.
im in ga now (metro atl) and ive never wanted to live here after college. my parents are older with health issues. im a single mom that feels guilty for wanting to leave. i am also the youngest of 4 children (im 36) ive made te decision to move to the va/dc area next summer. i can not continue to live in a place where i have NEVER been happy. i moved to atl at the age of 13 (with my parents) i had no choice. unlike my much older siblings, i never made the decision as an adult to choose atl as my home. i came back on a guilt trip.
im already concerned about how they will take my move. i havent spoken to them about it in yrs. ive decided to wait until i have been presented with an opportunity (job) and then announce.
but it still bothers me at times. i just want to be happy and i am not that living in ga.
My parents are extremely supportive of everything I do. My grandparents, however, are the ones I get crap from. I don't feel guilty for moving where I needed to move to do the things I needed to for my career. And plus, you're only young once, and living in new places is exciting. I deal with the guilt they try and get me feel by not talking about it. However, our relationship has definitely deteriorated . Not sure how it would be if my parents were the one with the huge problem, though.
I'm not sure if I'll stay here indefinitely though, I might move back to Denver eventually, not out of guilt but just because that's where my family and best friends are.
To the OP, honestly I think you should just do what makes you happy, especially if it would be something better for you financially, career-wise, etc.
I've lived in the area away from home for the first time for almost a year. I'm definitely homesick. I don't feel guilt though. I think with me my mom has actually been very encouraging. She misses me but has encouraged me to stick with it and not give up on the DC area specifically VA. When I told her that a friend was encouraging to quit and come back home she got mad. She paid for me to move up here and paid my first month's rent and the security deposit so she was a big supporter for me moving up here.
Now I will say that my mother is 51 and in good health. If she was older I might feel differently especially being an only child. I've already decided that if her health ever starts to fail I'd move her up here versus moving back to GA because there are more opportunities here.
I think that your parents will understand. They want you to be happy. Just make sure that you visit often. Either way good luck in CA.
Thank you for your kind words, Terrance. And your willingness to move your mother closer to you in the event that her health fails is quite noble. I'd like to think that when I have children, my mother and father will consider relocating to CA to be closer to their grandchildren. You are wise to stay where your opportunities are -- life's too short not to take advantage of every possible opportunity available to you.
Legs -- you are very lucky that you have the full support of your parents. With regard to your grandparents...just visit them whenever you can (like Terrance said).
Ambersmom -- You have to be happy in life...it is too short not to be. And no one can argue with you if you get a job that is appealing and fulfilling to you. Best of luck in your search! By the way, the DC/VA area is a very exciting area with countless things to do. There are so many beautiful communities in the area. I'm leaving simply because I miss California.
Legs -- you are very lucky that you have the full support of your parents. With regard to your grandparents...just visit them whenever you can (like Terrance said).
K
Thank you and I agree. I think my grandparents are still mad at my dad for moving to Denver 25+ years ago because that's where my mom grew up and there were better job prospects (we all live in different places). It's just hard b/c I have no money for travel right now and they refused to come see me at the last opportunity they had while I was still within driving distance.
I feel like your family will be understanding if you explain to them why you want to move back and that you still love them and will miss them (its super obvious but sometimes people need reminding)
After college I decided to move about 2 hours from my parents--they were in their 60s and in relatively good health. My mom did not take it well. We still communicate, celebrate holidays, etc... but it has never really been the same. I never liked the area I was from, so it did benefit me personally to leave and I have moved several places since. My sibling had a similar experience. So I don't really think it depends on your location--it depends on your family. My extended family has also pretty much refused to come visit me (with the exception of my sibling) and sees moving around as a personal failure.
I do worry about my parents health but, I would have been miserable living there and always would have felt like I "missed out" on life had I stayed.
Have always been made to feel guilty about moving away, so I feel guilty. I think it depends much more on your relatives and their flexibility than it does your location.
I'm about to move from NH to GA with my 2 sons and my family is taking this so hard and i feel guilty. But i don't feel guilty for wanting to better my life i'm buying a house. i have great job oppotunities and i'm so excited to start a new life and have a real life. i'm tired of being a nobody with nothing. this is for our future. but my father is taking this so hard. he has been the only father figure my kids have known and he's mad @ me for taking them away from him, he feels like i'm ripping his heart out and its killing me. but we have to do it. if we're going to have any kind of real future, NH has nothing to offer. i'm cofused and don't know what to do. i'm moving regardless. i'm not going to let life pass us by any longer. but dont know what to do for my father i offered him to come with us he said no way he needs to with his family. should i feel guilty for wanting a real future with a great job a nice house great schools and a real life?
I moved away for college out of state and stayed in the area after I graduated because I liked it and made a lot of friends there. My parents guilt tripped me everytime I went home because I was far away they missed me. I eventually moved back to be by my parents. Now I have no friends, hate it where I am now and would love to move back to where I went to college but can't seem to find a job there.
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. Not sure how it would be if my parents were the one with the huge problem, though.
