Luzerne County Ranks 3rd for Domestic-related Homicides (Kingston: 2013, home)

[Lehigh Valley Native]

In NEPA, I don't believe gender rigidity has much of a role in domestic abuse here in our own private paradise. It has more to do with with the alcohol, drugs, the lack of respect for themselves or the people they are beating.
There are areas of our country that still have well defined stereotypical gender roles, but don't have abuse issues. The difference, they respect themselves and the people around them.

[sheena12]

"Strong family systems" are very much connected to violence in the family.
And since the prevailing church is very tolerant of alcohol, this can be a volatile situation.

BTW, The Catholic Church is not the only denomination that does not actively frown upon alcohol.
The Lutheran Church, of which I am a member, and the Episcopal church do not preach against alcohol in moderation.

The United Methodist Church has a strong presence in NEPA, and they are a bit more restrained about Alcohol because they come from a holiness back ground. But they are not a "dry" church.
Many coal miners were Methodists.

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by Lehigh Valley Native

In NEPA, I don't believe gender rigidity has much of a role in domestic abuse here in our own private paradise. It has more to do with with the alcohol, drugs, the lack of respect for themselves or the people they are beating.
There are areas of our country that still have well defined stereotypical gender roles, but don't have abuse issues. The difference, they respect themselves and the people around them.

Which areas?

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by sheena12

Good point, Annie. But there ARE services available. Look in Kingston alone! My though - people are reluctant to use them! The Roman Catholic Church, and the presence of so many people who come from ethnic groups that are known for what are called "strong family systems" - families where people rely on one another through out the life span.Get together more than on holidays, speak every day by phone etc.

The flip side of these "strong family systems" come with the ethos that says "we keep things in the FAMILY" - so what does one do when the FAMILY IS the PROBLEM? (there is a lot more wrong with "strong family systems" but I am not going to give a lecture here)

I am NOT categorically against the Roman Catholic Church - they are after all providing my kids with a fine education - but their doctrine is very traditional - i.e. gender ridged. And I am not Catholic.
The Catholic Church IS one of the most tolerant when it comes to drinking and gambling - but NOT when it comes to divorce, which is sometimes the only way out of an abusive relationship.

I agree with you. But I also ask, why are people afraid to use them? Because there is such a stigma against getting help for any kind of issue in this area. You are perceived as weak or sucking off the system if you admit you need help.

It's not surprising that people won't get the help they so need.

[auntieannie68]

Originally Posted by Magritte25

I agree with you. But I also ask, why are people afraid to use them? Because there is such a stigma against getting help for any kind of issue in this area. You are perceived as weak or sucking off the system if you admit you need help.

It's not surprising that people won't get the help they so need.

ditto--this is what i said a few posts earlier------plus getting counseling privately on a sliding scale monetarily is pretty rare here---just look at how scarce the list of private counselors is---an oddity as the local colleges here all have undergrad and grad programs in social work

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by auntieannie68

ditto--this is what i said a few posts earlier------plus getting counseling privately on a sliding scale monetarily is pretty rare here---just look at how scarce the list of private counselors is---an oddity as the local colleges here all have undergrad and grad programs in social work

Yep. Even having private insurance isn't a guarantee one can afford the care. I know people who sought out counseling but couldn't even afford to pay up to the deductible til it kicked in.

[sheena12]

Counseling is available, but it is not inexpensive. It is a sort of sacrifice.
And in many cultures today, there is still a stigma attached to therapy.
I happen to think it is one of the most important forms of health care that can actually prevent many stress related, substance abuse and domestic situations that can be far more costly to the individual, and to society.

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by sheena12

Counseling is available, but it is not inexpensive. It is a sort of sacrifice.
And in many cultures today, there is still a stigma attached to therapy.
I happen to think it is one of the most important forms of health care that can actually prevent many stress related, substance abuse and domestic situations that can be far more costly to the individual, and to society.

I agree. Another overlooked way to prevent stress and depression is physical activity.

[W-B proud]

there is alot of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, depression, and people with chips on their shoulders around here. Along with the feeling of hopelessness, financial difficulties, mental illness, and being in a dead end situation and area. There is alot of contributing factors. This area has been one of hardship and stuggle since before the coal industry. I has never been an area of affluence, and i think this feeling is passed down from generation to generation. Plus, the ever expanding influx of newcomers add's to the problem. There are a few bad apples with every bunch. Also, the feeling of being betrayed and mugged by our suppossed leaders only adds fuel to the fire. I can see why we are third on the list.

[sheena12]

Now that I live here full time I can see what you are saying W-B Proud.
But I have also met many, smart, warm resourceful people!
There are some with "chips on their shoulders", and there are some people who have an attitude of hopelessness, but not all do. My neighbors are welcoming and helpful, for example!
I am a newcomer, and as a family, none of us plan to "add to the existing problems".

I am a person who does not "look at the world through rose colored glasses," as I have been accused on this forum by some, but medical study after medical study have proven that a positive and optimistic outlook on life are positively correlated with health - physical and emotional, and with longevity.

Also, surrounding one's self with people who see the proverbial glass as "half full", rather than "half empty", can't hurt! I do this.I have neither the time nor the need to listen to the Debbie Downers of the world!

I also happen to think that the words that we speak contain power. For me, this is a spiritual principle, but if spirituality is not your thing, just think of it this way - ever hear of a person with a bad reputation? It may be true and it may have a grain of truth - or it may be false. But the more it is repeated the more "true" it becomes. People will avoid that person socially and the person will be stigmatized.

Now think of a place - North East PA is where I am so I think of it a lot. It has many good features and I choose to speak MORE about those - especially with outsiders - than about the negatives.
I do not want to ignore the negatives aspects of NEPA - I would instead, want to help to improve the area in ways within my realm of ability.

There are many good people and wonderful resources - natural beauty, institutions of higher learning, affordable housing, proximity to state parks, - just so many good things here!
I refuse to become enmired in negativity and hopelessness.

That is my choice.
It is my hope that others choose to do the same.