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OK, Just wondering why my new neighborhood is not friendly. Thought that since there are so many of us that are from other states people would be anxious to make new friends, or at least make an introduction. Not really. Didn't meet my right next door neighbors on either side until 2 months in I introduced myself and brought over cookies. The other side never came over to say hi and she is the president of the HOA. The only people who introduced themselves are the ones that happen to be walking on the street as I was outside. They say hi, where are you from and then never to be heard from. I even started a Next door website and can't get people to participate.....a friend of mine says it is a microcosm of what is going on in the bigger world. People aren't as apt to reach out. He says that the generation that is over 40 had the experience of wanting to welcome new people in, get to know them and offer advice on the new area. The younger generation is not interested in this and has not been coached to be hospitable in this way. Save me the "be the neighbor you want to meet" speech. I am really looking for people who have experienced this also and what their thoughts are. I am tired of bringing the cakes over to the newer people and never hearing from them again. I seriously want to look into that "retirement" community only to get into a neighborhood that is at least friendly if my friends thoughts are right. I told my military wife friend that I thought maybe the neighbors move too often so they don't want to invest themselves in relationships. She said that is more reason to get to know someone. 6 months here and no prospect of friends so looking elsewhere. It is difficult when not employed and 1000 miles away from the old home. A welcome would have been so nice. Some thoughts on why people are so to themselves would be interesting to hear.
Signed
Not Baking any more cakes
I'm sorry to hear about your experience but unfortunately I don't think it's that uncommon. Alot of people move here thinking I'm surrounded by other transplants we'll all bond together. Well alot of people move here to get away from whatever they left, some just want to come down and sit in the Florida sun and be left alone. However, although not uncommon, is also not the rule. I grew up here and knew most of my neighbors growing up, I mowed their yards, went to school with their kids etc. My family bought a new home in a new community a few years ago, they know almost all their neighbors. The kids play together, they bring each other food, and during our last freeze while house sitting while they were in the hospital, I came home and all the plants had been covered. The next door neighbor, thinking my family was away, came by and covered all of our flowers and plants. My family's neighbors are full of locals or long time CFL though. There's a couple houses of transplants and they tend to keep to themselves but the rest of the neighbors are very friendly. They look out for each other and get together. Halloween is the biggest holiday on the block, we all sit around eating, handing out candy and drinking. I know not every neighborhood is like this, but they do exists. For what's it's worth it's located in the northside away from all the tourists areas.
I think it depends on the neighborhood. Where are you located- is it old or new? Established areas are probably going to be more friendly than the newer ones, I think.
I've lived in so many apartments so it doesn't bother me. I don't like the idea of someone just "dropping by" on a regular basis or something. I like a safe and friendly (people waving while outside) type of neighborhood, but I don't need to be friends with my neighbors.
Well, I understand what you are feeling, but at the same time, I think you may be thinking too much.
Since you aren't employed, you have plenty of free time on your hands. Your neighbors might be the exact opposite, where they have very limited free time. I know a lot of people who have hectic schedules and when they come home, they just want to relax and aren't in the mood to socialize with new people because they have been doing it all day.
I don't consider this unfriendly behavior because being neighbors isn't much of a difference than going into Zara and expecting other people who are shopping in the same store as you to be open to making friends. Just because you live in the same area doesn't mean you need to go out of your way to find a connection to be friends.
This brings me to my next point, connections! It's a very nice gesture to bring baked goods to your neighbors home, but that act of kindness doesn't mean those neighbors are now be obligated to be your friend. I can usually tell within a couple minutes of talking to someone whether or not I would want to be their friend. I have tons of neighbors where I currently live that we have small chit chat when we run into each other outside, but that's as far as it goes because there is no connection. I have no desire to invite them to my home to hang out.
I think this is the main reason for your experience. It's a combination of them already having a "complete" social life and a lack of a connection with you. I would recommend possibly having a neighborhood block party. You can invite your neighbors, tell them you are going to have a big bbq and they can feel free to bring any snacks or drinks. It will make those who come feel relaxed and you can talk to everyone since you are the host and maybe you'll come across some neighbors where you "click".
You could also join meetup.com and join any group that meets your interest such as photography, hiking, etc. (meetup.com is not a dating website)
One place we were people just wanted to know if you played tennis or golf. They wanted new people to play with to change up or improve their game. If you didn't do either, they moved on. But there were also others interested in other things.
Some people are aware of those who are staying for a shorter period and not really sure who is who so they are cordial but not too friendly to all.
But this is definitely something to keep in mind...good reason to try places out first.
Have you joined clubs...even outside your community? There you can often find instant bonding of those with similar experiences... veterans for example.
It's more an issue in the new construction neighborhoods in my opinion where people come/go via car in and out of their garages. People in those neighborhoods don't have any roots since it's new and people drawn to that type of neighborhood seem like the types who want privacy and aren't especially social. I live in an older neighborhood where many residents have lived there for awhile and there's always some kind of communal activity going on (BBQs, etc) or people out walking dogs together or chatting. My best friend lives in a similar neighborhood and much the same occurs there as well. It's definitely something to ponder when looking at all the shiny McHouses in the shiny new McNeighborhood.
It's more an issue in the new construction neighborhoods in my opinion where people come/go via car in and out of their garages. People in those neighborhoods don't have any roots since it's new and people drawn to that type of neighborhood seem like the types who want privacy and aren't especially social. I live in an older neighborhood where many residents have lived there for awhile and there's always some kind of communal activity going on (BBQs, etc) or people out walking dogs together or chatting. My best friend lives in a similar neighborhood and much the same occurs there as well. It's definitely something to ponder when looking at all the shiny McHouses in the shiny new McNeighborhood.
BMW you said, "Since you aren't employed, you have plenty of free time on your hands. Your neighbors might be the exact opposite, where they have very limited free time. I know a lot of people who have hectic schedules and when they come home, they just want to relax and aren't in the mood to socialize with new people because they have been doing it all day. "
Yes, this is sad.
"I don't consider this unfriendly behavior because being neighbors isn't much of a difference than going into Zara and expecting other people who are shopping in the same store as you to be open to making friends. Just because you live in the same area doesn't mean you need to go out of your way to find a connection to be friends. "
Don't know what Zara is but never expect to make a friend at a store. Making a friend in a neighborhood would be a reasonable thought. Yes, it takes going out of our way to do acts of kindness. Guess that is part of the problem.
"It's a very nice gesture to bring baked goods to your neighbors home, but that act of kindness doesn't mean those neighbors are now be obligated to be your friend."
Silly thinking. The point you missed is to be welcoming.
Yes, people are busy, even the retired ones. Making new friends who are neighbors shouldn't have to be a burden, it should be a pleasure. Check them out, see if you have anything in common, exchange a phone number in case of emergency, etc. I do think that at some point they will be sorry not to have reached out. There are many nice people to get to know and invest your time in. After all is said and done life is about relationships. Maybe people have to be a certain age to slow down, think and understand that.
So far, the people who I have met don't seem to be ones we would hang with but first impressions aren't always right. It takes time to get to know someone. Oh, heres that time thing again!
BMW you said, [color="Blue"]"
"I don't consider this unfriendly behavior because being neighbors isn't much of a difference than going into Zara and expecting other people who are shopping in the same store as you to be open to making friends. Just because you live in the same area doesn't mean you need to go out of your way to find a connection to be friends. " Don't know what Zara is but never expect to make a friend at a store.
Zara is pretty much one of the last places one would/could expect to walk into and find a new friend, lol.
Don't know what Zara is but never expect to make a friend at a store. Making a friend in a neighborhood would be a reasonable thought. Yes, it takes going out of our way to do acts of kindness. Guess that is part of the problem.Silly thinking. The point you missed is to be welcoming.
Yes, people are busy, even the retired ones. Making new friends who are neighbors shouldn't have to be a burden, it should be a pleasure. Check them out, see if you have anything in common, exchange a phone number in case of emergency, etc. I do think that at some point they will be sorry not to have reached out.
There are many nice people to get to know and invest your time in. After all is said and done life is about relationships. Maybe people have to be a certain age to slow down, think and understand that.
So far, the people who I have met don't seem to be ones we would hang with but first impressions aren't always right. It takes time to get to know someone. Oh, heres that time thing again!
1) I think you are missing my point. Being a friendly and welcoming neighbor is simply smiling when you see them and asking how are you today, maybe some small chit chat here and there, but that's all it takes. You don't have to invite your neighbors over for dinner once a week. You don't have to try to force a friendship out of them either. Friendship will come naturally if you connect.
2) I agree, it shouldn't be a burden making friends with your neighbors. However, if your neighbor expects you to give their phone number to you and have weekly dinners, than yes it COULD be a burden if you don't connect with them. I have tons of neighbors that I like running into and make small chit chat, but none of them that I would want to talk on the phone with or have dinners with. However, I have lived in some neighborhoods where there were multiple neighbors I would love to have dinner with on weekly occasions and some I even went on vacations together. Once again, my point is people are not obligated to go out of their way to try to force themselves to be friends with their neighbors. All they need to do is be welcoming and friendly.
3) I also agree, life is about relationships and I would also add the memories you make. I've moved 10 times in my life and can confirm that life is about relationships and the memories you make out of them. Sometimes people build on you over time, but until that relationship builds to a point you feel comfortable or have a desire to sit down with them for dinner or go on a trip together, there is no reason to force yourself to like them.
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