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Old 10-06-2007, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Another Day Closer
13,905 posts, read 3,377,879 times
Reputation: 3502

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HILLBILLY VOCABULARY

AGEN - against

AHR - hour

AHWNT - aunt

AIG - egg

AINTS - ants

ARN - iron

ARTHURITIS - arthritis

ARY - not any

BARREED - borrowed

BATTREE - battery

BOB WARR - barbed wire

BORNED - born

Breeches - a pair of pants

BRUNG - brought

BUB - bulb

CHEER - chair

CHOIRPRACTOR - chiropracter

CO COLA - Coca Cola

COME AND GO WITH US - goodbye

CRACK THE WINDOW - open the window

CUT THE LIGHT ON - turn on the light

CUTTIN UP - being comedic

CUZINTS - cousins

DAINTZ - dance

DECORATION DAY - Memorial Day

DEPPITY - deputy

DUBYA - W

EXTRY - extra

FANGER - finger

FAR - fire

FARN - foreign

FLARE - flower

FLUSTERED - frustrated

FUNNY TURNED - unusual/strange

HAINT - ghost

HARD - hired

HEARED - heard

HEP - help

HESH UP - be quiet

HOW DO - hello

I OWNT CURE - yes, I would like some

IFFEN - if

IGNERT - ignorant

IZZAHSO - is that so

JU HERE - did you here

KIN - relatives

LAIG - leg

LIEBURY - library

MAD AS FAR - really upset

MAMAW - grandmother

MEEMAW - great grandmother

MEER - mirror

MESS - a lot

MISRUS - Mrs.

MUNTS - months

NAR - narrow

NARY - not a one

NECKKID - naked

OLDTIMER'S - Alzheimer's

PACIFIC - specific

PANK - pink

PAPAW - grandfather

PEAKID - pale/sickly

PEEPAW - great grandfather

PERT NEAR - very close

PETERED OUT - exhausted

PLAIN SPOKUN - honest/genuine

POKE - bag

POLECAT - skunk

PONY ACK - Pontiac

PURDY - pretty

RANCH - wrench

RANG - ring

RECKON - guess

RICHEER - right here

RINCH - rinse

RETARD - retired

ROONT - ruined

SALARY - celery

SHORE - sure

SHURF - sheriff

SIMLER - similar

SKEERED - scared

SKOO - school

SMACK DAB - in middle of

SMARTS - hurts

STROLLOPIN - out running around

SUGAR - kiss

SWEET MILK - whole milk

TAR - tire

TARD - tired

TATERS - potatoes

THANKS - thinks

THAR - there

THARS - theirs

THEM THAR - those

THO - throw

UNGYUN - onion

WARTER - water

WHOOP - spank

WORSH - wash

WRASTLIN - wrestling

YONDER - that way

YUNG UNS - children

YORE IN - yours
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Old 10-08-2007, 08:15 AM
 
Location: MO Ozarkian in NE Hoosierana
4,682 posts, read 12,057,109 times
Reputation: 6992
lol, great ones there hill-lady

You might be a hillbilly,,, if your idea of a shower is to head for the nearest waterfall...

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Old 10-08-2007, 08:21 AM
 
10,178 posts, read 11,162,884 times
Reputation: 20928
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShadowCaver View Post
lol, great ones there hill-lady

You might be a hillbilly,,, if your idea of a shower is to head for the nearest waterfall...

That's a beautiful Pic-

I'm just in awe looking at it!
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Old 10-08-2007, 09:42 AM
 
Location: MO Ozarkian in NE Hoosierana
4,682 posts, read 12,057,109 times
Reputation: 6992
Quote:
Originally Posted by Torn2pieces View Post
That's a beautiful Pic-

I'm just in awe looking at it!
Yes it is, very much a shot,,, but not one of mine - this is one I snagged from the 'net that reminded me of one in the SE.
Don't have any of my photos of such here at work, but had the thought of the post, so borrowed that shot for now...
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Old 10-08-2007, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Another Day Closer
13,905 posts, read 3,377,879 times
Reputation: 3502
Hillbilly Wants to Fight


There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.

He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN"
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Old 10-08-2007, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Another Day Closer
13,905 posts, read 3,377,879 times
Reputation: 3502
Hillbillies Flying


Two hillbilly hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."

One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hillbilly said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other hillbilly. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"
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Old 10-08-2007, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Another Day Closer
13,905 posts, read 3,377,879 times
Reputation: 3502
HILLBILLY ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Friday, July 12th, 2007NOTE:

DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVELOF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS

1. How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at7:00 PM.Class

2. The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.Class

3. Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.Class

4. Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and TheFloor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.Class

5. Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginningat 7:00 PMClass

6. Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PMClass

7. Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.Class

8. Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes.Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.Class

9. Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determinedClass

10. Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.Class

11. Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.

12. How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.Class

13. How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.Class

14. The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. Check specials in your coupon books, and do not leave them laying around where the ol lady will find them.
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Old 10-09-2007, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Another Day Closer
13,905 posts, read 3,377,879 times
Reputation: 3502
Two hillbilly women meet in the afterlife:

1st Hillbilly: Howdy! My name is Wilma.

2nd Hillbilly: Hey I'm Gerdy. How'd ya die?

1st Hillbilly : I froze ta death.

2nd Hillbilly: That sucks!

1st Hillbilly: It wern't so bad. After I quit shaking' from the cold, I begun to geta lill' warm & sleepy, and finally ...............I jest died. What about you?

2nd Hillbilly: I died from'er massive heart attack. I suspected that my Billy was'a cheating, so I come home a' lil early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found
him all by his self on the porch a watchin' TV.

1st Hillbilly: So, whad ya do?

2nd Hillbilly: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere, so I started a runnin' all over the house a lookin'. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the chicken house and searched. Then I went back through every closet in the house and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere,
and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st Hillbilly: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer on the front porch-----------we'd both still be alive!
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Old 10-09-2007, 07:21 PM
 
Location: Another Day Closer
13,905 posts, read 3,377,879 times
Reputation: 3502
Once there was this big ol' hillbilly family that lived out in the boonies.
All these hillbilly's had was an outhouse to do there business in, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse right into that creek.

Just after a nice after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little boy decided it were time to push that old outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushin'. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated it away. That night his pa told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a whippin', the little boy asked why.

The pa replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son? The boy answered yep. Then he thought a moment and said, "Pa, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth. "Yep," the pa replied, "but son, George Washington's father werent in the cherry tree."
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Old 10-09-2007, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Another Day Closer
13,905 posts, read 3,377,879 times
Reputation: 3502
BULLETIN FROM THE PENTAGON REGARDING HILLBILLIES!


The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Hillbilly Special Forces. These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:



1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.

5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.



We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday
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