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Just wondering - as I sit here fuming from ear to ear after yet another altercation with my mother-in-law...How many of you have in-laws that are so intolerable you cannot stand to be around them for more than a few minutes?
I am in a positon where I have to live with mine, and am counting the days until I can get out of here. Ever met someone who is so hateful they just ooze anger from their ears? That's Her! Rude, nasty, busy-body, and always slamming me every chance she gets.
Please tell me I am not the only one!
Ok...I think I am breathing again now. Breathe in and out, pray, pray, pray.
I'd rather live in a box than with my in-laws.
My mother-in-law (who is actually my husband's stepmother) is fine. A little too chatty, but it's not a big deal. My father-in-law is a classic misogynist. He can be nice for short visits but anything longer than that and his true colors show. Also they used to have a rottweiler and it bit me twice, on two different occasions; thank goodness it was winter and both times I had on a thick coat so I only bruised. Knowing the dog had a history of biting myself and others, they refused to lock it up...the dog died and now they have a new rott and it is nicer, hasn't bitten me...but it still makes me angry to think of.
Been there, done that.
My deepest, sincerest sympathies to both of you ladies.
My mother in law has since passed away. We definitely had our moments.
She was frustrated with her husband (who my own husband resembles!) and I would, like it or not, become a sounding board for her.
I used to get so mad at my husband because he couldn't deal with her either, and would leave me to it! Family reunions inevitably resulted in high drama.
But over the years I did develop a respect not only for her obvious intelligence but also for her insight into and appreciation for my sons. She understood them very well. And it was sad to watch her become ill and then die.
Still, I think I have somewhat of an idea of what you are going through..
I didn't know it growing up, but my mother and her mother-in-law, my grandmother, didn't like each other AT ALL. My grandmother's name was Margaret and I found out as an adult over martinis one day with my mother that she called her "Maggot"...
When my grandfather lay dying of cancer in 1974, my mother went to see him in his hospital bed and left his room crying (she loved him). My grandmother said to her: "Sure, you cry for him but you wouldn't cry for me would you". My mother replied: "Nope, you're right".
My mother never liked my sister's husband. She detested him actually. Yet my brother-in-law thinks his mother-in-law loves him! I think that's good that she keeps her true feeling to herself as she's moderated somewhat over the years toward him as he's proven himself a reliable and devoted husband to her daughter/my sister. I didn't like him much either at first, but now I love him. I think my mom is coming round Imagine had she shared or shown her true feelings early on when they were strongly against him how he'd feel about her now!?! It was smart to keep it to herself. (I knew, but I would never have told anyone else ).
mine are great. Moved many states to live near them. Now my own parents are a different story!
I can relate to your experience! Let's just say I've been married more than once and I truly loved 2 of my mothers-in-law. I was closer to them by a long shot more than my own mother.
I have a wonderful relationship with my mother in law. I dearly love her and she loves me. She has never tried to but into our business, she is always there to help us when we need her. She does sometimes ramble when she talks, but compared to what I've read here and heard from others I am truly blessed.
For those of you who have had good relationships - I can understand that, too. My first mil was wonderful. She taught me all ther was to know about being a wife and mother (I married at 17), and when she died in 04, part of me died, too. Even though my 1st husband and I had been apart 10 years, I was still part of the family. I miss her so much.
This time it is a total different story, and hubby doesn't help. He is 36 and refuses to let go. We separated for a while, and she was a big part of it. He will side with her and tell me he took care of it. Right.
I have barely said two words since the 'explosion' this afternoon. I told Mark what happened when he walked in the door - because had I not, she woudl have gotten to him and lied, lied lied. That is what she does best.
And - she then has the nerve to go behind my back and try to make herself look better to my son who was within ear shot when she opened her mouth. Little does she realize he can't stand her either.
I have never hated anyone in my life - and my beliefs usually keep me in check . I dug through my Bible tonight looking for words of wisdom, and could only invision myself tap dancing on her grave. God forgive me...I am really losing it.
Oh well - tomorrow is another day - and if I look at it from the other point od view - she has taught me everything NOT to do with my sons and their future wives. So I guess she has been worth something afterall.
Sorry so upset - if I could only type what she said to me!!!!!!
Thank You God that it is bedtime, I will sleep, awake early and avoid her the rest of tomorrow.
I lucked out. My MIL and FIL are the sweetest people. It makes me sad that my DH can't claim to enjoy his in-laws so much (my parents).
Years ago my mother was the MIL from h*ll to my brother's first wife and to my DH at the beginning of our marriage. My brother is remarried to a lovely woman now, and I told dear old mom that she may NOT give her the same treatment as the first one. She started to once, but I told her to stop it.
DH and I once had a terrible argument, and I just about had it with him. I told him he could leave, never come back and I wouldn't care EXCEPT I get custody of his parents! They are lovely grandparents too.
They live nearby and when DH and I discuss relocating out of NJ in a couple of years - the only thing I feel badly about is leaving them.
Sorry so upset - if I could only type what she said to me!!!!!!
Thank You God that it is bedtime, I will sleep, awake early and avoid her the rest of tomorrow.
Kimmie, I know you're upset...really upset!!
But...
Is there any way that when your anger lifts a bit that you can grab a pen and paper and try to write a list of TEN things about your MIL you admire or like. They can be anything from the quality of her skin (if you admire it), overcoming adversity at some point in her life you're aware of, how she handles or treats certain people, even your husband or child (qualities as a mother?), maybe her mannerisms (elegant movements, determined walk, whatever it is), great cooking ability, personal style, how she maintains her favorite plants, garden, how she is with animals...
WHATEVER it is from WHATEVER part of her life that you can independently acknowledge as an admirable trait. List ten of them.
Do not put anything on the list you don't truly think or believe. Only things that despite her behavior you like or admire about her or what she does/has done.
Then approach her the next day when you're calm and resolute. Make certain to not bring up the previous days issues though wildly tempted to. No blaming, no accusations, no replays of what made you so angry.
Simply tell her that you've thought long and hard and here's what you like and/or admire about her. Let her know you are speaking from your truth and heart.
Tell her the ten things and look her in the eyes while you do it.
Let her know that you were hurt and angry the day before and don't want that relationship with her and that you want a happy and relaxed relationship going forward with her. That's your goal.
Ask her if she'd like to say anything to you. Be prepared to have old issues thrown at you and for your blood pressure to rise but REMEMBER...you're prepared for this conversation, she's not! So stay resolute and calm and acknowledge anything that she might have a point with while summing up her points by verbally telling her back what you heard.
If you are able to keep the hurt feelings and past issues out of it from your side, she may do a quick reassessment of her own behavior and you may have a breakthrough. It may even occur (if it does) later after she's had time to rethink what happened.
I think it would be interesting to ask her also, what does she like or admire about "me" if anything and see what happens?
It can't hurt, but it is hard to do. I wish I did this more often, but I often let anger and the "need" to be right overrule my own advice. I'm working on it!!!!! I'm getting better at it! When I'm 80, I should have it reasonably down!
Now, if after all this there's no movement...well..you did your very best!
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) and I would, like it or not, become a sounding board for her.
).
Happy for those with good experiences...
They are lovely grandparents too. 
