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The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained....
The North has Bloomingdale’s, the South has Dollar General.
The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's
The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .
North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.
The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH. .....
In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do not buy food at this store.
Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive
Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners.
After all, if the cat has kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.
If you want hot tea in the South be sure to say so. Be prepared for a strange look from the server. This is iced tea country.
We call them French fries. Yankees call them cottage fries.
We shorten "Howdy" to "Hi-dee." We do not think your name is "dee." We are simply being friendly-like.
If you are from Cook County, IL. practice adding a word or two after you end a sentence with "with."
For instance, "We're going to the movie. Want to go with?"
Southerners will be waiting for the end of the sentence. With what, with who. After a year in Chicago I started ending sentences with "with."
If you run into my relatives on Long Island please tell them that "No. She does not have marbles in her mouth when she talks."
Folks down here often change one syllable words into two or more syllables. For instance. My BIL's name is Chris and my sister pronounces it as two syllables. It's down right funny. I almost bust a gut when I hear it.
When we say "fixin" we do not mean be are repairing anything. We are simply getting ready to do something. "I'm fixin' to go to the store."
Some of the older folks in these parts will be glad to "carry you to the store." That means they will give you a ride in the car to the store. My grandmother could not have possibly picked you up physically.
Hi-dee, y'all. Be sure to come back now, ya' hear?
You need to do one about southerners moving up north. My friend is from Georgia and he's a fish out of water up here. I always get a kick of it too when I see someone in a cowboy hat and a NASCAR-themed suitcase trying to read a subway map.
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