Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The reason that she is here is because she has no where else to go. I'm not about to throw her out into the street with a kid.
So does that give her the right to swear in front of your kids? You are doing her a favour by letting her stay with you and you are letting her walk all over you. If you don't want to give her the choice of not swearing or leaving then you're going to have to suck it up and stop complaining about her swearing.
Yikes. I understand you do not want to toss her out. She needs to understand that the swearing needs to stop. Have a conversation with her again and tell her you know she is stressed out but the swearing has to stop. If she gets pissed off, oh well. It is your house and your child comes first. You may have to have this conversation many many times. Keep driving it home.
Your child will swear if this continues. My SIL who is highly educated by the way, swears all the time at her kids. Her kids swear too.
Be sure to let your kids know not to repeat those words, explain that they are naughty words.
Then grow a couple and set the rules of the house. I understand you don't want to throw her out, but she doesn't know that does she? Lay down the law, and if she doesn't like it she can stay at a shelter (you can always offer to let her child stay with you).
The reason that she is here is because she has no where else to go. I'm not about to throw her out into the street with a kid.
Let her kid stay but throw her out.
You have every right to make your home a safe and sane refuge for your children. You don't need someone verbally abusing your kids or any kid that lives in your home.
Okay. First step is to establish your place in your own home. Whould you allow your neighbor to come into your home ans swear at your child. You may say the difference is that this is your sister, but that should actually make it easier because you have the ability to speak to her as a sister.
Do you, as adults in your home, hold yourself to the same standards that you expect for your children? Keep a bar of soap handy and wash your sister's mouth out when she swears.... make sure the kids see it so they know there are consequences to foul language.
You have a sisterly obligation to you sister, but you have a parental obligation to you kids.... which is more powerful?
All the posters are right about this OP. She is family however, your home, your children, your husband comes first before the family you grew up with. You need to protect your children before family members. If this is what you value, you be sure to let her know and if she doesn't take heed, then it's time for her to go.
I'd make sure ALL the kids were someplace they couldn't hear us. Like the Moon. Because I'd get pretty loud when I backed her up against the wall and said, "Look, sister, this is MY house and we are playing by MY rules here. I love your kids more than you will ever know and I am NOT going to allow you to use that language in front of any person in this house that is under five feet tall. I care about you. That's why I'm letting you stay here. But you are not going to continue to use those kinds of words in MY house. Your kids don't deserve to have you taking everything out on them and neither do my kids and neither do I.
"If you can't abide by a few simple rules then you WILL leave your kids here where they are safe while you find someplace else to go. Alone. I'll fight you on this if I have to. But you need to get your act in gear and part of that is that you are not going to continue to talk to them like they don't matter. Because they do. And so do you and that's why we're having this little talk. Got it?
Good. Now, please grab a dish towel because we're going to do the dishes."
Then I'd give her a hug and look her in the eye so that she knew I meant every word I said.
I'd make sure ALL the kids were someplace they couldn't hear us. Like the Moon. Because I'd get pretty loud when I backed her up against the wall and said, "Look, sister, this is MY house and we are playing by MY rules here. I love your kids more than you will ever know and I am NOT going to allow you to use that language in front of any person in this house that is under five feet tall. I care about you. That's why I'm letting you stay here. But you are not going to continue to use those kinds of words in MY house. Your kids don't deserve to have you taking everything out on them and neither do my kids and neither do I.
"If you can't abide by a few simple rules then you WILL leave your kids here where they are safe while you find someplace else to go. Alone. I'll fight you on this if I have to. But you need to get your act in gear and part of that is that you are not going to continue to talk to them like they don't matter. Because they do. And so do you and that's why we're having this little talk. Got it?
Good. Now, please grab a dish towel because we're going to do the dishes."
Then I'd give her a hug and look her in the eye so that she knew I meant every word I said.
Then we'd do the dishes.
I like this one. Make your point directly but let her know you are still her sister and care about her - but there will be rules in your house.
If she can't follow these THEN is when you think about alternative arrangements (including kicking her out if it comes to that)...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.