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There was a day a few weeks ago when I found my 2½-year-old son sitting on our building doorstep, waiting for me to come home. He spotted me as I was rounding the corner, and the scene that followed was one of inexpressible loveliness, right out of the movie I’d played to myself before actually having a child, with him popping out of his babysitter’s arms and barreling down the street to greet me.
I didn't read through all 6 pages, but got through the first few.
IMO, the reason that people with children are less happy than those without is that people have children more for status and trophies than they did before. Children are a lot of work when the parent has high expectations of them from the moment of conception. It takes a LOT of effort from the parents to mold their children to their liking and the way they believe will show others that they are good parents.
In generations before, parents had children for completely different reasons.
I didn't read through all 6 pages, but got through the first few.
IMO, the reason that people with children are less happy than those without is that people have children more for status and trophies than they did before. Children are a lot of work when the parent has high expectations of them from the moment of conception. It takes a LOT of effort from the parents to mold their children to their liking and the way they believe will show others that they are good parents.
In generations before, parents had children for completely different reasons.
I think a of people also want babies. Not so much a bitchy 16 year old who wants to sneak off with her boyfriend at 4 am.
One quote that always rings in my head was by a girl on Dr. Phil (shush ), it was during the Dr Phil Family segment and she had chosen abortion (if you watch the show you are familiar with Alex and her who situation) anyways, the girl said "A baby is more than just little shoes and cute clothes".
Not so much a bitchy 16 year old who wants to sneak off with her boyfriend at 4 am.
It amazes me to see that most people today simply take for granted that teenagers will be bitchy, horrible, terrible, unbearable - how else are they going to be and how unreasonable can you be to expect anything different?
And yet, before the New Age, post-1960's parenting style was ushered in, teenagers were NOT the nasty creatures that we expect them to be today just like we expect the sun to rise every morning.
They were quite responsible, respectful and infinitely more mature compared to the "perfectly normal" spoiled brat of today.
It amazes me to see that most people today simply take for granted that teenagers will be bitchy, horrible, terrible, unbearable - how else are they going to be and how unreasonable can you be to expect anything different?
And yet, before the New Age, post-1960's parenting style was ushered in, teenagers were NOT the nasty creatures that we expect them to be today just like we expect the sun to rise every morning.
They were quite responsible, respectful and infinitely more mature compared to the "perfectly normal" spoiled brat of today.
I hate to say it's true. I consider myself a good kid who always followed rules just because I enjoyed being a good kid, however I still have my bitchy days. And I am sure when I was first learning how to deal with PMS and all that I wasn't a ray of sunshine to be around.
I want to say that the bitchiness comes from them wanting to grow up too fast, but my mom tells me stories of things she did when she was 16 and I could never imagine. Not bad things, just responsible things she would do for her brothers and the rest of the family. Like working delivering phone books with a wagon when her father was laid off. I think biggest problem to me in hindsight is teens want to be "grown up" (i.e. no rules, do whatever I want) but they still want their mommies and daddies to foot the bills, clean up after them and take care of all the dirty work.
I hate to say it's true. I consider myself a good kid who always followed rules just because I enjoyed being a good kid, however I still have my bitchy days. And I am sure when I was first learning how to deal with PMS and all that I wasn't a ray of sunshine to be around.
I want to say that the bitchiness comes from them wanting to grow up too fast, but my mom tells me stories of things she did when she was 16 and I could never imagine. Not bad things, just responsible things she would do for her brothers and the rest of the family. Like working delivering phone books with a wagon when her father was laid off. I think biggest problem to me in hindsight is teens want to be "grown up" (i.e. no rules, do whatever I want) but they still want their mommies and daddies to foot the bills, clean up after them and take care of all the dirty work.
I am 37 and grew up in a place where parenting style in the 70's and 80's was still somewhere where American parenting style (or let's call it "child rearing") was prior to the 1960's: authoritative, with ALL parents naturally EXPECTING respect from children through adolescence and onwards. Or else. We were never treated as equals to our parents simply because we were not their equals, and neither would we have wanted to be. Perhaps, as someone here said, we had a leash on since day 1, and by the time we reached 14+, the leash was something completely comfortable and normal. Well, I am glad we had the leash.
Both of us today are perfectly comfortable with challenging authority (the wrong kind, of course, not just any kind, for the sake of being pains in the bu**).
But neither I nor my sister ever had any problems of any sort as teenagers with our parents. Same applied to the VAST majority of our age peers.
Adolescence just wasn't THE ISSUE I hear Americans talk about in complete horror, all the time.
As I have heard "wait until they are teenagers!!" one too many times now, I have involuntarily started to imagine my 5yo and 2yo as these horrible monsters at the ages 14+, that I will just want to squish when time comes.
Unfortunately, stories about teenagers on this forum do not help and in all honesty, I often have nightmares.
Other times, I just wish I could join the Amish.
So it is cultural and generational, not biological - without a doubt. Americans have done a lot of things right, but ushering in the "Enlightened", permissive, democratic, child-centered family model post 1960's, WAS NOT one of them. In fact, that was a tragedy - as far as I am concerned.
Just because people complain about teens and teenage behavior doesn't mean that teens are so terrible today; much of that is shaped by the media and by cultural stereotypes or myths, not reality. I'm not yet the parent of a teen, but have worked with many of them; they are (mostly) not "spoiled brats," although I know that they do have their moments at home and their run-ins with their parents. As far as kids being on a "leash," I think today's kids are on a tighter one than ever before: the amount of over-scheduling, of micromanaging, and of fear to let kids develop a sense of independence and the ability to transition gradually into adulthood, seems to be, generally speaking, much less than in the past. I'm more worried about that than I am any perceived lack of respect for adults.
As for the research cited in the article, it sounds like there are enough different studies that you can twist the research to show whatever you want.
“They’re a huge source of joy, but they turn every other source of joy to ****.”
I'm on page 5 of 6 and this is my favorite line so far. IMO kids turn your entire life into a series of "have to's" (anyone seen Parenthood, the movie with Steve Martin? He says "my entire life is a have to").
It is a thankless job. Making meals and snacks all day, cleaning up after them, laundry, diapers, wet sheets, discipline... All of this is have to, not want to. The fun things like taking them to the park or museum turn them into spoiled brats. I love to take my kids on outings, but all they do is complain that we didn't stay long enough or didn't go to the right park, or whatever. and they expect a fun outing every day.
For the first few years, at least they make doing things like traveling, exercising, having lunch with your friends, or a date with your husband nearly impossible, or so much trouble it doesn't seem worth it.
Yes, there are moments of joy, but they are few and far between compared with the daily grind. I'm trying to figure out how to make those moments overshadow the bad ones.
I think biggest problem to me in hindsight is teens want to be "grown up" (i.e. no rules, do whatever I want) but they still want their mommies and daddies to foot the bills, clean up after them and take care of all the dirty work.
You just described the big banks. They don't like rules being imposed on them, they want to do whatever they like, but when they make a mess or something goes wrong, they want mom and dad (or in this case the government) to come bail them out. You'd think policymakers who probably have teens of their own would've recognized the similarities.
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), it was during the Dr Phil Family segment and she had chosen abortion (if you watch the show you are familiar with Alex and her who situation) anyways, the girl said "A baby is more than just little shoes and cute clothes".
