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By thankless I mean you are not as close to the baby as the mother. Of course my wife loves me, and she tells me every day that she appreciates what I do for the family. I love my wife. I love how she dotes on our baby (he's under 6 months) takes care of him, etc. However, sometimes I feel beat up by life, the demands of life that keep me away from my boy.
I am up early in the morning and out of the door. I have noticed that the only time the baby responds to me is when I spend more than a few hours with him, something I am not able to do much during the week as I am out before the Sun rises, and by the time I get home he is asleep. Only on the weekends does he seem to realize that I am "Daddy" and not some random person that wants to hold him.
My lack of time with him has led me to resent a bit that my wife's Dad often gets to spend more time with him than I do. This wouldnt bother me if not for her Dad and mom's comments which read as though he's their long awaited boy (they had four girls, desperately wanted a boy and this is their first grandchild AND a boy! - you do the math).
Added to that I am living with my wife in a foreign country with no family of my own to support me. They havent even held my boy yet (they dont want to visit because of some of the email exchanges they have had with my MIL. She's..ummm off.
I dont want to make this about them though. The real issue is not being able to spend time with the boy I helped to create.
I'm not a dad but I think it's pretty common for Dad's to not get as much out of the infant stages as Mom. Most Dad's that I know enjoy the toddler and older stages much more as the child is much more interactive and much more interested in Dad after a certain age. It's very normal for young babies to have a stronger bond with Mom then Dad. It gets better and much more fun ime with time and things even out later on.
You have to make time and enjoy the moments you do get. As the single earner in the household (I am that as well), you are providing for the needs of your child just as much as your wife is. The difference is that the baby can't say "thanks dad for working that 14 hour shift so you could buy me diapers".
The only thing I can tell you is that it does change as they get older and realize the sacrifices that you do make to provide. Your son is still very young, but just wait a few more months and you will get to feel the joy of his face lighting up when you come home as he crawls or toddles over to you. Each day I get greeted by 3 smiling faces yelling daddy when I come home and it makes the sacrifice worth while.
When my kids were sons age I always did what I could when I came home to spend time with them. Feed him his last bottle, give him a bath and put him to bed. Somedays you will not feel like doing it, but just remember that you don't get a lot of time together and while it may be routine stuff it will help build the bond. You can't come home from work, toss your feet up on the couch. flip on the TV and say your tired AND complain about not having time. Not saying that's what you do, just reinforcing that getting time in with the kids means sacrificing in other ways.
I understand where you're coming from. It is hard, especially with a first-born, to leave your child and to know that mom and baby are lucky enough to have all that time together. But don't worry, as he grows he will know who dad is. You will get more awake time with him. You have a lot of fun ahead of you. In the meantime spend time with him and cuddle him when you can. If you can spend alone time or family time (the 3 of you, not the inlaws too) in the weekends to bond, that's a good idea.
You have to make time and enjoy the moments you do get. As the single earner in the household (I am that as well), you are providing for the needs of your child just as much as your wife is. The difference is that the baby can't say "thanks dad for working that 14 hour shift so you could buy me diapers".
The only thing I can tell you is that it does change as they get older and realize the sacrifices that you do make to provide. Your son is still very young, but just wait a few more months and you will get to feel the joy of his face lighting up when you come home as he crawls or toddles over to you. Each day I get greeted by 3 smiling faces yelling daddy when I come home and it makes the sacrifice worth while.
When my kids were sons age I always did what I could when I came home to spend time with them. Feed him his last bottle, give him a bath and put him to bed. Somedays you will not feel like doing it, but just remember that you don't get a lot of time together and while it may be routine stuff it will help build the bond. You can't come home from work, toss your feet up on the couch. flip on the TV and say your tired AND complain about not having time. Not saying that's what you do, just reinforcing that getting time in with the kids means sacrificing in other ways.
Wow, that was a really nice post! If he is awake when I come home, I pick him up and take him out into the garden where we stare up at the stars or the trees blowing in the wind. Also I dont HAVE to get up as early as I do, but I get up an hour earlier than necessary so I can have some play time with him when he wakes up. Its heartening to hear that things will change when he's a toddler. He's already a rough little kid. screaming and kicking and whatnot, just like I would want a boy to be, and I know my wife wont be able to relate to that like I will. It will be just us boys! I dont mean to exclude her, I mean that I will finally have some time with him.
I'm not a dad but I think it's pretty common for Dad's to not get as much out of the infant stages as Mom. Most Dad's that I know enjoy the toddler and older stages much more as the child is much more interactive and much more interested in Dad after a certain age. It's very normal for young babies to have a stronger bond with Mom then Dad. It gets better and much more fun ime with time and things even out later on.
Wow, that was a really nice post! If he is awake when I come home, I pick him up and take him out into the garden where we stare up at the stars or the trees blowing in the wind. Also I dont HAVE to get up as early as I do, but I get up an hour earlier than necessary so I can have some play time with him when he wakes up. Its heartening to hear that things will change when he's a toddler. He's already a rough little kid. screaming and kicking and whatnot, just like I would want a boy to be, and I know my wife wont be able to relate to that like I will. It will be just us boys! I dont mean to exclude her, I mean that I will finally have some time with him.
FWIW my son (the oldest, 5 almost 6) was very much a momma's boy when he was younger. The sun rose and set with mom. Sometimes I felt like a real outsider or a "third wheel" in their relationship. As he has gotten older all of that has flipped around. He still prefers mom for things, but when it comes to playing and socializing he much prefers to be with me. There really is no difference as my wife will have a lightsaber battle just the same as me, he just prefers to do "guy stuff" with dad.
His younger sisters however have given me the dose of being the preferred parent. They are "daddy's girls" and want me to do all the things my son used to want only my wife to do. I imagine as they get older though, they will associate more easily with mom. Let me just tell you it isn't easy being loved, lol.
FWIW my son (the oldest, 5 almost 6) was very much a momma's boy when he was younger. The sun rose and set with mom. Sometimes I felt like a real outsider or a "third wheel" in their relationship. As he has gotten older all of that has flipped around. He still prefers mom for things, but when it comes to playing and socializing he much prefers to be with me. There really is no difference as my wife will have a lightsaber battle just the same as me, he just prefers to do "guy stuff" with dad.
His younger sisters however have given me the dose of being the preferred parent. They are "daddy's girls" and want me to do all the things my son used to want only my wife to do. I imagine as they get older though, they will associate more easily with mom. Let me just tell you it isn't easy being loved, lol.
At what age did things turn around with your sons?
If he is awake when I come home, I pick him up and take him out into the garden where we stare up at the stars or the trees blowing in the wind. Also I dont HAVE to get up as early as I do, but I get up an hour earlier than necessary so I can have some play time with him when he wakes up.
You're doing good
He will know who dad is. My older two children as toddlers/pre-schoolers both sort of waivered with preference at different times. My son was about 3 by the time he really wanted to know what dad was doing all the time and what he could do with me. The little guy was stuck to my side.
At what age did things turn around with your sons?
I'd have to agree with jb03 that 3 is the age when my son started being more into hanging out and doing things with dad. It wasn't that he didn't like me before that, but that's when I started to notice him prefering to be with me.
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