When should GF/BF be able to act like a parent? (step-mom, child support)
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I know a couple has been together for 4 years now, they just got engaged 4 months ago, have been living together for 3 years. The women has a 10 year old son from a previous marriage, he gets to see his dad I think two weekends a month, there is no structure there, just playing video games 24/7, swearing, etc... She will not allow her now fiance to disciple him. She allows her child to scream at him, call him stupid, back talk him, etc... But when her fiance disciplines him with proper reason, sending him to his room or telling him he shouldn't act like that, she goes off on him, telling him he has no right to do that to her son.
I don't understand how he can stand being in that situation, he pays most of the bills around the house, takes care of what he needs to, nicest guy you'll ever meet, but she will not let him take charge as a parent.
It's getting awkward for us to be friends with them when we see this happening. Just wondering when would you guys allow someone your dating, in a relationship with start acting like a parent towards your child?!
I disagree with the whole "step-parents not allowed to discipline" theory. Just from my experience growing up with step-parents, I think in your friend's situation, the fiance should have some ability to speak up. My step-father was never the chief disciplinarian, but he stepped up if my mom needed back-up or we were totally out of line with him. Of course, my parents always stressed that we were to treat and listen to their step-counterpart (mom/stepmom, dad/stepdad) as we would them though. If I had acted like your friend's child, my step-father would have nipped it in the bud, my mother would have backed him up and told my father about it when he picked me up and he would have "spoken to me" about my behavior as well. This was all before all the experts telling step-parents they weren't supposed to discipline though.
that is a ridiculous situation. My DH is stepfather to my daughter. she was 5 when we married. He started diciplining as soon as we moved into the house. we also married just a few months later. with that being said it was expected that he did not dicipline when I was around, at least the first couple of yrs. she 13 now, and he steps up all the time. Her father is also a big part of her life and thank goodness both "dads" talk about issues with her and come to agreements.
this woman is allowing her son to disrespect the man of the house and how does she expect him to grow into a good man/father/husband in that situation. not only is she causing problems with her fiance but will create problems for her son as well.
I agree completely with the first 2 responces. My DH is my childrens step-father. He disciplines them whenever they need it. I do the same with his children, as their step-mom. He told them right from the get-go that they are to follow my rules and listen to me. I have them a lot when he isn't around. I will and have yelled at them, sent them to their room, ect. I also tell Dad when he gets home about the big stuff!! He has said in the past "You will not treat my WIFE with disrespect!"
My kids are with us full time. They were told right from the beginning also. We've put it like this: I may not be his kids Mom, he may not be my kids Dad, but WE ARE THE MOM AND DAD IN THIS HOUSE.
Mom definitely should be calling her son out on the disrespect..that most definitely is going to cause some big time issues. It can be a sensitive subject, my DH is really good about backing me up when the kids don't listen but it is still hard for me to hear him disciplining them. I think its just a Mom gut reaction. However, I know its important they respect him as well as me and I don't undermine that.
I wouldn't stick around if my Hubby let his kids treat me that way. I know he wouldn't either. It's too bad the Mom doesn't do anything about this kids lack of respect.
Mom definitely should be calling her son out on the disrespect..that most definitely is going to cause some big time issues. It can be a sensitive subject, my DH is really good about backing me up when the kids don't listen but it is still hard for me to hear him disciplining them. I think its just a Mom gut reaction. However, I know its important they respect him as well as me and I don't undermine that.
I think it is a mom gut reaction. If my dh goes off on my daughter I still have to force myself to keep my mouth shut. it can be difficult sometimes.
I think it is a mom gut reaction. If my dh goes off on my daughter I still have to force myself to keep my mouth shut. it can be difficult sometimes.
I agree...it is a Mom gut reaction. I have it too, and its usually DH just backing me up, but that need to protect just kicks in! I also have to remind myself to not say anything.
I know a couple has been together for 4 years now, they just got engaged 4 months ago, have been living together for 3 years. The women has a 10 year old son from a previous marriage, he gets to see his dad I think two weekends a month, there is no structure there, just playing video games 24/7, swearing, etc... She will not allow her now fiance to disciple him. She allows her child to scream at him, call him stupid, back talk him, etc... But when her fiance disciplines him with proper reason, sending him to his room or telling him he shouldn't act like that, she goes off on him, telling him he has no right to do that to her son.
I don't understand how he can stand being in that situation, he pays most of the bills around the house, takes care of what he needs to, nicest guy you'll ever meet, but she will not let him take charge as a parent.
It's getting awkward for us to be friends with them when we see this happening. Just wondering when would you guys allow someone your dating, in a relationship with start acting like a parent towards your child?!
My oldest son is in the same boat - and it is ridiculous. Why he puts up with it, I have no idea, and now that they are expecting another together, I am scared to death to see what will happen.
In his situation, it is more like she would not discipline, he stepped in, then the absent bio-father made the discipline stop. Bio even went so far as to press abuse charges against my son (they were dropped - no evidence of anything) and mom did nothing to stop any of it. She very easliy could have as bio has no legal rights to the child and pays no child support.
There also is no discipline at my step-grandson's father's house, and I can tell every time he has been there. I let him have it if he needs it, and he realizes what he is doing and usually stops. I have popped him a time or two and mom doesn't say a word. Yes, my son has made his bed, but he loves her and the child, and is very kind hearted. I imagine he will live this way forever.
All I know is this situation NEVER gets better, especially if the mom is not willing to change. My advice - the BF needs to run for the border now. He will be in for a lifetime of misery if not.
This is true, but does the DH ever "Go off" on the kid when they've done nothing wrong? No. I have to remind myself that the kid did "_____" and deserve the "talking to" that they are getting.
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