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Any help please. I am a single father of a 16 year old daughter. She has been living with me about three months now. Prior to moving in with me, my daughter has always stayed with her mom - my ex-wife of 14 years. For many years, when the children were smaller, we lived in the same small town and I was around my kids often (we have two boys together as well, one 18 and one 14).
Four years ago, my ex got remarried and moved off to a very large town over 3 hours away from me. Shortly after moving there, all my kid began to have behavior problems. Such things as skipping school, taking beer to school and getting suspended for a year (my daughter), slipping out of the house at 2 a.m. and being brought home by the cops, using marijuana and failing urine tests on a monthly basis, and just in general being defiant, became common place. Most of the trouble came from my daughter and younger son. I have been able to keep grips on my older son during my every other weekend visitation and he is now in the military and doing well. I suppose he was older when they moved away and that helped. The other two eventually got tired of me fussing at them when they came for weekend visitation and just stopped coming unless I forced them - which I didn’t want to do. It just didn’t seem right to me
My ex, as primary caretaker, in my opinion, has not done a good job teaching them discipline. I also think she allows them too much freedom to come and go as they wish. This is apparent to me by what the kids are doing. Her lack of control over the kids has been the source of many fights between the two of us and she will not discuss it with me or try any ideas I may offer.
Well, three months ago my ex called me at work and told me to come get my daughter. She just couldn’t deal with her any longer she said. I did. Since that time, I have been trying, with little luck, to get her to change her behavior patterns. I have taken everything away you can take – cell phone, internet, car, friends over, her going to friend’s house – I mean everything I can think of. She literally gets up, goes to school, comes home, stays in her room until dinner, eats, and goes back into her room until its lights out. I know she is miserable. I have tried spending time talking to her and she seems to want to do right but soon as I give her something back she’s right back at the unwanted behavior – mostly talking to her old dope friends on phone and internet that I have forbid her to communicate with. So, I take it away again. It’s an over and over again thing.
The other problem is that her mom, when she goes to visit, has not changed and allows her to talk and visit with the very people I forbid her to communicate with – the dope buddies. Her mom promises me she wont, but she does anyway. Her mom tells me she feels guilty for sending her to me to live and just doesn’t want her to be mad at her when she comes to visit. My daughter came home from spending this Thanksgiving week with her mom and she had gotten a tattoo on her stomach (jailhouse looking crap about the size of my hand) and also failed a urine test for marijuana (she had passed one the day before she left to go there). I also learned that my 14 year old son (still living with his mom) also got two tattoos the same night my daughter did. They were done in a trailer by my daughter’s “friend’s” dad.
I told my ex that my daughter was not coming back to visit and she brought up the “I got custody” issue and tells me she will do as she wants. I feel I’m fighting on three fronts: (1) my daughters behavior problems and the fact she hates living with me in this, as she puts it, “God forsaken town!” and the fact that she is trying to make my life miserable because she’s miserable, (2) my ex who allows her to do the things that I forbid her to do even though she’s the one who called me to come get her because she could control her any longer, and (3) my 14 year old son who is skipping school, failed 5 urine tests in a row, being brought home by the cops on several occasions at 2 to 5 a.m., and now has two tattoos now. I want to just go over there and bring him back to stay with me as well but I know I’ll end up in jail for kidnapping him – or so my ex has threatened.
People, I know this is a damn mess. I am at my wits end to help my daughter before it’s too late and my 14 year old also. If you have any ideas at all they will be greatly appreciated.
Any help please. I am a single father of a 16 year old daughter. She has been living with me about three months now. Prior to moving in with me, my daughter has always stayed with her mom - my ex-wife of 14 years. For many years, when the children were smaller, we lived in the same small town and I was around my kids often (we have two boys together as well, one 18 and one 14). Four years ago, my ex got remarried and moved off to a very large town over 3 hours away from me. Shortly after moving there, all my kid began to have behavior problems. Such things as skipping school, taking beer to school and getting suspended for a year (my daughter), slipping out of the house at 2 a.m. and being brought home by the cops, using marijuana and failing urine tests on a monthly basis, and just in general being defiant, became common place. Most of the trouble came from my daughter and younger son. I have been able to keep grips on my older son during my every other weekend visitation and he is now in the military and doing well. I suppose he was older when they moved away and that helped. The other two eventually got tired of me fussing at them when they came for weekend visitation and just stopped coming unless I forced them - which I didn’t want to do. It just didn’t seem right to me. My ex, as primary caretaker, in my opinion, has not done a good job teaching them discipline. I also think she allows them too much freedom to come and go as they wish. This is apparent to me by what the kids are doing. Her lack of control over the kids has been the source of many fights between the two of us and she will not discuss it with me or try any ideas I may offer. Well, three months ago my ex called me at work and told me to come get my daughter. She just couldn’t deal with her any longer she said. I did. Since that time, I have been trying, with little luck, to get her to change her behavior patterns. I have taken everything away you can take – cell phone, internet, car, friends over, her going to friend’s house – I mean everything I can think of. She literally gets up, goes to school, comes home, stays in her room until dinner, eats, and goes back into her room until its lights out. I know she is miserable. I have tried spending time talking to her and she seems to want to do right but soon as I give her something back she’s right back at the unwanted behavior – mostly talking to her old dope friends on phone and internet that I have forbid her to communicate with. So, I take it away again. It’s an over and over again thing. The other problem is that her mom, when she goes to visit, has not changed and allows her to talk and visit with the very people I forbid her to communicate with – the dope buddies. Her mom promises me she wont, but she does anyway. Her mom tells me she feels guilty for sending her to me to live and just doesn’t want her to be mad at her when she comes to visit. My daughter came home from spending this Thanksgiving week with her mom and she had gotten a tattoo on her stomach (jailhouse looking crap about the size of my hand) and also failed a urine test for marijuana (she had passed one the day before she left to go there). I also learned that my 14 year old son (still living with his mom) also got two tattoos the same night my daughter did. They were done in a trailer by my daughter’s “friend’s” dad. I told my ex that my daughter was not coming back to visit and she brought up the “I got custody” issue and tells me she will do as she wants. I feel I’m fighting on three fronts: (1) my daughters behavior problems and the fact she hates living with me in this, as she puts it, “God forsaken town!” and the fact that she is trying to make my life miserable because she’s miserable, (2) my ex who allows her to do the things that I forbid her to do even though she’s the one who called me to come get her because she could control her any longer, and (3) my 14 year old son who is skipping school, failed 5 urine tests in a row, being brought home by the cops on several occasions at 2 to 5 a.m., and now has two tattoos now. I want to just go over there and bring him back to stay with me as well but I know I’ll end up in jail for kidnapping him – or so my ex has threatened. People, I know this is a damn mess. I am at my wits end to help my daughter before it’s too late and my 14 year old also. If you have any ideas at all they will be greatly appreciated.
Well first off you not forcing them is showing them that you don't care. So if it's your weekend you drag them kicking and screaming. Next see an attorney and sue for full custody as she is unfit. And the problem is she undoes what you do whenever your daughter comes to visit. Also next you should break this post into paragraphs as it's hard to read :-P.
I agree, file for custody and save your kids from themselves while there's still a chance. Who signed the consent for your underaged kids to get tattoos? If the answer is nobody, than the guy who did it is an idiot, and can face charges.
your daugter talks to her old friends because she doesn't have any new ones! Besides smoking dope and getting illegal tattoos (I think I would remind friend's Dad that is illegal and threaten calling the cops on him-so maybe he will think twice before doing that again) is there anything else she likes doing?
Horses, pets, dancing, singing, art, writing, reading, musical instuments, cooking, swimming, sports, pagents, anything??? You need to get her involved in something she likes doing where she can meet new people.
Also you need to get the custody changed through the courts. I went to live with my Dad when I was 16, but him actually fighting for me and me knowing I wasn't going to be sent back to my mom at any point meant a lot.
I love riding lessons myself, you never out grow that and all ages, children to adults still love horses. Cleaning stalls is a good way to stay out of trouble and earn some extra riding time ;-)
There is something about the outside of a horse, that is good for the inside of a man-Winston Churchill
She spends too much time alone, you need to get her active in something. Does she want to go to college? what does she want to major in?
Tattoos were done without our concent - mine or ex. I am pressing charges on the guy at this time. My ex doesn't want me to however. She says it will only cause problems betwen my kids and their friends. I'm pressing them anyway. In Mississippi it is only a fine however. Sucks there is no jail time for it. Thanks.
I think I would sue in civil court for the money for them to be removed (or at least threaten) it may end up costing more to sue than getting them removed
Good thing about home made tattoos is they are easier to remove. Still will probably take 6 months to a year but less sessions to pay for-My friend got a huge homemade tattoo when she was 16, had it removed in her 20's took up her whole right bicept. Did it with a motor on a mechanical pencil-teens are dumb!
Yea I see what you mean. I have tried to get her in situations where she can meet new kids but she always messes it up somehow. Example - my girlfirend found a nice young boy that was interested in getting to know my daughter. She arranged a controlled meet for them with her 23 year old son watching. My daughter talked about dope and cussed to the extent it embarressed the 23 year old and the boy has not called back.
She does the same at her new school (a private academy that costs dearly) and the kids don't want to have anything to do with her.
I don't have any animals but I did buy her motorcycle riding gear (about 400.00) so she could ride. She said she wanted to but she stays grounded all the time. Should I let riding the dirt bike be an exception to the grounding??
Touching on what you said also. You said it ment a lot to you that your dad fought for you and that you would never have to go back to your moms. I assume you didn't want to go back, but my daughter and 14 year old son don't want to live with me. I think it's because they can't do what they want at my house and they have free reign at their mom's. I think they will hate me even more if I take them away from her. What you think??
I am talking to a lawyer about civil suit, but the guy is an ex con that doesn't work and almost judgement proff.
Yea I see what you mean. I have tried to get her in situations where she can meet new kids but she always messes it up somehow. Example - my girlfirend found a nice young boy that was interested in getting to know my daughter. She arranged a controlled meet for them with her 23 year old son watching. My daughter talked about dope and cussed to the extent it embarressed the 23 year old and the boy has not called back.
She does the same at her new school (a private academy that costs dearly) and the kids don't want to have anything to do with her.
I don't have any animals but I did buy her motorcycle riding gear (about 400.00) so she could ride. She said she wanted to but she stays grounded all the time. Should I let riding the dirt bike be an exception to the grounding??
No i would just sue for custody...and don't bend on the rules.
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Paganmama80
