Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The employer hired her knowing she had a job at BB&B and was attending community college. The employer said they would work around her work and school schedules.
But unfortunately, without anything in writing, it doesn't really matter what anybody said, or believed would happen. The problem right now is, she lives there, has debt and no viable options for moving anywhere immediately. Not a great negotiating position. I agree she cannot just go in guns a blazing demanding this schedule and that. Nor should she up and quit. She would be smart to look at what is important to the other party and try to figure out ways to make those things happen in ways that also work for her not the other way around.
But unfortunately, without anything in writing, it doesn't really matter what anybody said, or believed would happen. The problem right now is, she lives there, has debt and no viable options for moving anywhere immediately. Not a great negotiating position. I agree she cannot just go in guns a blazing demanding this schedule and that. Nor should she up and quit. She would be smart to look at what is important to the other party and try to figure out ways to make those things happen in ways that also work for her not the other way around.
I agree. But I think people need to quit acting like she's not working lots of hours. She is. I'm not saying she shouldn't work the hours she works. It's wrong for people to mock her and accuse her of whining about working 32 hours per week when she's really working 57+ hours per week.
As for the BB&B issue, the fact she doesn't have anything in writing is unfortunate, but that doesn't mean that people should trash her for trying to talk to her employer about her schedule with BB&B when the agreement was that they would work around her BB&B schedule.
Since she has debt, the BB&B job is the most important job. The nanny job provides her with housing, but it doesn't provide her with much money. If push comes to shove, the BB&B job should be protected at all costs because she could move back to her mother's house. It's not like she will be out on the streets if the nanny job doesn't work out. But if she jeapordizes the BB&B job, she won't be able to pay her grandmother.
She should definitely try to work things out with the nanny employer instead of avoiding confrontation by giving up and quitting. They need to sit down and talk---at a scheduled meeting so these people know she's serious and not just whining and complaining.
I'm actually proud of her. Few of us thought she could hack it more than a few weeks. She's working 57+ hours and was going to school too! Who would have imagined. She deserves a lot more credit than most people are giving her. She's not perfect, but she has come a long way over the past few months. And it will be great if she can learn how to effectively discuss issues with employers too!
Berating her isn't going to help her learn how to approach the employer. Giving her suggestions on how to initiate a meeting, what to say at the meeting, etc. THAT'S the type of advice she needs.
But unfortunately, without anything in writing, it doesn't really matter what anybody said, or believed would happen. The problem right now is, she lives there, has debt and no viable options for moving anywhere immediately. Not a great negotiating position. I agree she cannot just go in guns a blazing demanding this schedule and that. Nor should she up and quit.She would be smart to look at what is important to the other party and try to figure out ways to make those things happen in ways that also work for her not the other way around.
That's exactly right. This could be a mutually beneficial relationship for both parties if they all adjust their expectations and figure out what would work best for everybody going forward. Looking at what's important to the family is paramount to making this work, but you can negotiate from that position without signing yourself into the equivalent of indentured servitude in order to do it.
The employer hired her knowing she had a job at BB&B and was attending community college. The employer said they would work around her work and school schedules.
Yeah but they didn't guarantee that she would never have to babysit at 8AM just because she had to work late the day before. She just has to suck it up. I am pretty sure that all of us have had to do things until midnight and then be up early for something else the next day. She needs to grow up. Life does not guarantee you 8-10 hours of sleep a night.
It is my experience that the reason having 2 jobs rarely works out is that both employers see their job as the highest priority and they can't both be the highest priority. The OP needs to decide which job is the highest priority and let the chips fall from there.
The OP wants expensive things, new cars, etc, but she doesn't want to work for those things. Most people in their early 20s who are still in school are not driving brand new cars and sleeping late every night. Most of them work retail jobs (like she does) and live with room mates in crappy apartments and drive crappy cars. They eat cheap food, wear cheap clothes and have fun in cheap places. They also function on little sleep since the combination of school and work leaves little time for sleeping 10 hours a night.
Something has to give. She has to decide to do some or all of the following:
1. Lose the car payment.
2. Lose the expensive phone.
3. Move back with her mother.
4. Suck it up and sleep less.
5. Quit school and work full time.
6. Quit the nanny job and share a cheap place with someone.
She can't have it both ways. She can't have 2 jobs, go to school and still sleep 10 hours a night.
She can't live in a nice place rent free and not have to do SOMETHING to earn her keep.
She can't drive a brand new car without working for it.
GIVE A LITTLE?!?!?!
I work 32 hours + A WEEK. I stand on my feet for 8 hours a day, catering to customers whims and bending over backwards to accommodate them. I work till midnight now and then they want me to start work at 8, so I need to get up at 7am and don't forget I get off work at 12, there's drive time home, maybe get food because we all I know I barely eat now, I simply do not have time. When I get home I am practically ripping my clothes off and putting whatever sweats and t-shirt I can find and pouring my self inbetween my sheets just to have a dream about getting to visit my grandmother and being in the beach just for a tidal wave to come out of no where while I run in panic towards the hotel.
The other night I slept away from home just to be woken up by PING PING PING PING (blackberry sonar ping) of my cell phone going off and a list of chores they wanted me to do on my non scheduled day as well as being told that they want me to work every morning till Christmas WHILE I am working every night until midnight till christmas...
I told them it was too short of notice and that I was doing something else at that time.
And how am I paranoid? I get the stressed part and dude I've reached 21 already.
When I was your age I was delivering Domino's Pizza to pay for college. I'd be up til 1 or 2 a.m. most nights and had class at 9 a.m. I felt like if I slept more than 6 hours a night I was wasting time. Life is difficult, but with hard work and some good luck you graduate from college, get a decent job and it starts to get better.
If you move out from living with them, you're going to have to work more hours somewhere to pay for an apartment and utilities. It will be six of one or a half dozen of the other. Try to be realistic and deliberate about what you're doing. Stop thinking in terms of what you "deserve" and start thinking about what you're going to have to do, and sacrifice, to get the life you want to have.
In any case, if you've already had a yelling discussion with the husband, I predict that they'll be asking you to leave soon. It's rare for a situation like yours to improve when it's already started going downhill.
I agree. But I think people need to quit acting like she's not working lots of hours. She is. I'm not saying she shouldn't work the hours she works. It's wrong for people to mock her and accuse her of whining about working 32 hours per week when she's really working 57+ hours per week.
As for the BB&B issue, the fact she doesn't have anything in writing is unfortunate, but that doesn't mean that people should trash her for trying to talk to her employer about her schedule with BB&B when the agreement was that they would work around her BB&B schedule.
Since she has debt, the BB&B job is the most important job. The nanny job provides her with housing, but it doesn't provide her with much money. If push comes to shove, the BB&B job should be protected at all costs because she could move back to her mother's house. It's not like she will be out on the streets if the nanny job doesn't work out. But if she jeapordizes the BB&B job, she won't be able to pay her grandmother. But is she willing to do that? I've asked, she hasn't addressed that. That's what I mean by figuring out where she stands. I don't get the idea that she considers that an option.
She should definitely try to work things out with the nanny employer instead of avoiding confrontation by giving up and quitting. They need to sit down and talk---at a scheduled meeting so these people know she's serious and not just whining and complaining. Agreed but she needs to understand what her postition is and right now frankly, it isn't a position of strength. And that is directly related to her choices.
I'm actually proud of her. Few of us thought she could hack it more than a few weeks. She's working 57+ hours and was going to school too! Well sort of...I'd guess that school is winding down for the semester and she is counting chores among her working hours. If she were living in an apartment, she'd still be doing chores. I also have to wonder if some of those babysitting duties amount to simply being in the house, while her employers are not home. So presumably, she can study or wash dishes while the kids are sleeping? Not to mention, I'd venture to guess that her hours at BB&B will decrease in the next month or so. Then what? She is PT there - she is not guaranteed a set amount of hours. That makes it pretty difficult to budget.
Who would have imagined. She deserves a lot more credit than most people are giving her. She's not perfect, but she has come a long way over the past few months. Agreed And it will be great if she can learn how to effectively discuss issues with employers too! Agreed
Berating her isn't going to help her learn how to approach the employer. Giving her suggestions on how to initiate a meeting, what to say at the meeting, etc. THAT'S the type of advice she needs.
People are simply frustrated that she rarely takes seriously any of the advice she is given. We try and try and try to explain things and she always comes back with some comment letting us know how grown up she is because she had a glass of wine with her employer or her boyfriend fixes her eggs in the morning. That doesn't make one an adult. Rather than try to make better decisions, she still repeats poor decisions and then whines about the consequences.
Everyone is just tremendously frustrated for several reasons.
1) A ton of us worked tremendously hard when we were her age. A ton of us continue to work tremendously hard. If we're blessed to even have a job. She comes here with the "Woe is me!" attitude that she's the only person on the planet working and going to school. I think we're trying to say, "No, you aren't! Grow up."
2) Several of us told her something was wrong with the whole nanny set-up. She either didn't respond or told us what she had for lunch from Taco Bell that day.
3) She made sure we all knew she had a brand new $17,000 car. I'm 90% sure that she also once told us her grandmother is paying for school. It's pretty hard to garner sympathy for someone who is constantly playing the "broke" card but lists all of the goodies she has.
4) She's told us more than once that she is "sleeping over at a friend's". Why isn't she making arrangements to live with one of them?
5) She wants to take a vacation. She's worked for the family for a short while and already she wants time off? Has she got vacation time coming from BB&B? Why am I thinking she is just planning on saying, "Bye! I want to go see grandma." I've got 5 bucks on she doesn't have any paid leave stored up.
6) She comes here asking for advice. Then creates tremendously long posts that don't respond to some fabulous advice but disintegrate into "I'm going to be packing heat."
7) She's not a child. But she wants her hand held. Until it interfers with her doing exactly what she wants to do consequences be danged.
That's exactly right. This could be a mutually beneficial relationship for both parties if they all adjust their expectations and figure out what would work best for everybody going forward. Looking at what's important to the family is paramount to making this work, but you can negotiate from that position without signing yourself into the equivalent of indentured servitude in order to do it.
Absolutely - but the key is - they are the ones who are employing her and she needs to understand that for the work to continue, she most likely will have to work around them, not expect them to cater to her.
Yeah but they didn't guarantee that she would never have to babysit at 8AM just because she had to work late the day before. She just has to suck it up. I am pretty sure that all of us have had to do things until midnight and then be up early for something else the next day. She needs to grow up. Life does not guarantee you 8-10 hours of sleep a night.
It is my experience that the reason having 2 jobs rarely works out is that both employers see their job as the highest priority and they can't both be the highest priority. The OP needs to decide which job is the highest priority and let the chips fall from there.
The OP wants expensive things, new cars, etc, but she doesn't want to work for those things. Most people in their early 20s who are still in school are not driving brand new cars and sleeping late every night. Most of them work retail jobs (like she does) and live with room mates in crappy apartments and drive crappy cars. They eat cheap food, wear cheap clothes and have fun in cheap places. They also function on little sleep since the combination of school and work leaves little time for sleeping 10 hours a night.
Something has to give. She has to decide to do some or all of the following:
1. Lose the car payment.
2. Lose the expensive phone.
3. Move back with her mother.
4. Suck it up and sleep less.
5. Quit school and work full time.
6. Quit the nanny job and share a cheap place with someone.
She can't have it both ways. She can't have 2 jobs, go to school and still sleep 10 hours a night.
She can't live in a nice place rent free and not have to do SOMETHING to earn her keep.
She can't drive a brand new car without working for it.
I'm sure in the employer's mind they think they are doing a lot for her - she even said they treated her like part of the family - they even put her friend on their cell phone plan! She went in there and became a part of the family - she was happy about that - and now they are treating her like an older daughter that should babysit when ever. Hmmm.... I think we all knew that the lose agreement was going to be the undoing.
When (if) she sits down with both of them at the same time, in a rational manner, she needs to make them see why working something out in writing and agreeing on what's expected - thus keeping her there - is in their best interest. Otherwise, it's too easy for them to find someone else who was as willing as she was at the start. They really haven't invested anything - so can easily tell her they will need to find someone else who is more flexible. She has to be prepared that will happen so she's not left flat footed.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
