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Old 02-14-2011, 06:51 AM
Location: Ohio
2,178 posts, read 7,797,556 times
Reputation: 3890


Hovering too long is one thing.
Protecting and instilling values are totaly different.
Unfortunately some parents don't do either and leave their kids open to peer pressure, influence, and the dangers of being taken advantage of by those who unlike most of us really care about our children and want them to grow into responsible adults with common sense and the ability to know what is best for them.
I believe in giving them as much freedom as is deemed safe considering their maturity and ability to think for themselves about what is right, wrong, and recognizing their gullability factor.
I don't believe in micro parenting for tweens or teenagers. They are entering a new stage of growing and need to learn how to use their new and growing independence in a positive and responsible way.
But I do think they need to be monitored just because of the fact there is so much outside influence from so many different sources that want to take advantage of young, possibly gullible minds.
IMO that isn't hovering. That is protecting and teaching them the facts of living, decency, and being safe from others who's standards aren't what they should be.
I believe they should be able to grow and do new things.
But we all know there is evil in this world.
And untill our kids are fully capable of understanding that it can come from peers, social networks, strangers, cell phones, new friends that we don't really know, etc, etc, we need to monitor their surroundings and activities.
I'm not against letting them spread their wings and explore new heights. But I don't want them to fly into danger that they may not be aware of the consequences.
My kids have long been grown and I have tween and teenage g/kids now. Now my kids thank me and Mom for caring enough to monitor them and to keep them from doing what some of their friends back then tried to talk them into doing.
Even good kids can succumb to peer pressure.
One of the reasons I have said what I have is because today my Daughter and grandson came to visit.
I ask my 14 yr old g/son if he still had that pretty girlfriend he always talked about. He said "no, she got pregnant". (Not by my grandson)
I was in shock. This girl came from a respectable family and got involved, through peer pressure, with a bad crowd unknown to her parents and without their knowledge of what was going on.
Why? Maybe because they gave her too much freedom too soon and didn't monitor her activities the way they should have.
I am not implying in any way that this has anything to do with the OP's situation or subject.
It is just an example of what can occur even to good families down the road if they don't at least kind of keep an eye on things.
Again, I am not even trying to say anything like this might happen in the future to the OP.
But it pays for every parent to be vigilant in the activities of a child whether they are 7,8,12 years old or 16 just for their own safety. If they want to do something the parent knows is safe, let them.
Hover? NO
Monitor, teach, and protect? YES

Sorry for the long post but what I heard today upset me and I guess I ranted a little bit.
Not against the OP or anyone else that posted, just about what can happen in life if parents let go too soon and take for granted that everything will be ok without some parental subtle checking on things.
Lets just keep them safe and remember they have rights of passage but they also are vulnerable to outside influence just because they are still kids and we need to see that they don't fall prey to
Let them get out of the car and walk to the building. Let them go to the bathroom by themselves if they are old enough. Let them climb a tree or play youth sports. Let them go back in the store to get something and come right back. Let them know they are growing and can do things on their own that they are capable of doing. Let them grow. Let them explore and think and learn. Just keep them safe from people or situations that might harm them.
The wife and I raised 6 kids. We had no limits on letting them do whatever they could safely do. In fact we pushed them to do things and learn and to have confidence in themselves. But we never forgot, as much as we wanted them to grow and expand their horizens, that it was no benefit to them for us to hover over them 24/7.
But it was our job to protect and teach.
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Old 02-14-2011, 08:30 AM
3,395 posts, read 3,206,429 times
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My parents were definite "anti-hoverers". They let me watch whatever I wanted on television (HBO, Exorcist, Alien, etc when I was 8 yrs old). They let me stay out as long as I wanted when I was a teen, didn't wait up. Let me dress how I wanted, color my hair, wear as much make-up as I wanted. The list goes on.

The scary movies gave me nightmares and staying out all hours put me in some dangerous situations. Some of it was good, I learned self-reliance, chose my own limits regarding dress, makeup, etc.

The worst part was that I grew up with a sense that Mom and Dad didn't care. There is a fine line between encouraging freedom and neglect.
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