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Out of curiosity, how is facing a wall degrading? One of the points of a time out is to remove attention from the child. If they cannot see what is going on, then attention is removed.
That's why we used a step on the stairs. You can't see anything from there. I think it's more humane than standing in the corner.
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
Even though we most always use a chair or step for our kids, both my husband and I remember being made to sit/stand in the corner.
My parents didn't do that but they were always rather progressive for their time.
We always did the little plastic chair FACING the corner. I agree with the timeout starting when they quiet down. You aren't thinking about what you did while you are screaming and trying to climb or manipulate your way out of it. 2-3 minutes is a fair amount of time to sit and think. Being removed from the "action" is achieved by facing away from the room.
The rule of thumb for time-out is 1 minute per age, as has been mentioned. I also agree with another poster who said just put her in a chair and stand in front of it for the 2 minutes to make sure she stays - she'll probably figure it out soon enough at 2.5 years I think. Kids develop differently though and have different cognitive abilities, so you'll have to determine for yourself if you think she understands. My younger daughter is not-quite-two and wouldn't get it yet, and we do not use time-out with her yet because of that. My older daughter understood much more at this age, and would stay in time-out without a problem.
I don't know how often you are having to do time-outs, but I also think that if you are having to do it very often, that it probably isn't working and maybe you should look for other methods of discipline instead. (Please do not take this as a suggestion for "harsher" discipline such as spanking, because it most certainly is not!)
Also keep in mind Kids can't tell time (or How long time has passed). Get a 3min Egg timer so she can watch the sand (or a little kitchen timer) go down.
^^^^In my mother's house, for example, the stairs are off of the open kitchen/family room, so if one of my children were made to sit on the bottom step, they would not be removed from "the action".
If one of the goals of a time out is to separate the child, then the placement of the stairs in the specific home would make a difference.
All I am saying is "stairs" may not be a solution for everyone. A chair, bathroom, or corner may work better. Especially if one lives in a single-story home.
Last edited by calgirlinnc; 03-18-2011 at 01:15 PM..
We put our son in his high chair (he has outgrown it and uses a booster seat now). We would face it away from everyone and strap him in (otherwise he'd just climb down from a regular chair. We set our microwave timer to 2 minutes and tell him that when he hears the beep he can ask to get down. He typically yells and screams while in timeout, and he can't always hear the timer when it goes off, so he has to calm down enough to tell us that the timer is up.
One of you doesn't let a 2 year old climb the stairs? They can learn at that age how to do it safely, trust me. We've only ever lived in a 2 story house and kids can learn early how to go up and down the stairs safely if you help them.
so he has to calm down enough to tell us that the timer is up.
That's brilliant!
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OP: I hadn't realised you lost the baby only a month ago. Your wife (and you) must be experiencing enormous ammounts of grief. I'd strongly urge you to join a grief support group if you haven't already.
The fact that your wife "hates" your daughter and that you are still having problems with discipline is heartbreaking. But I think there's so much underlying emotion for you as a family that A.B.C. in disciplining your toddler isn't going to work. I really hope you can find a way to deal with the underlying grief that appears to be affecting all of this. Also, has she seen a doctor since the loss and told him her emotions? Her hormones are probably nuts right now and that can be corrected. A decent OB/GYN will be able to help her.
Again, my condolences. I can't imagine what you are going through.
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We're talking 2-3 minutes in (presumably) the child's own home.
