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As Gus has proved to be the most upstanding and helpfull of the kids, why , oh why, wont you give him his OWN room???Can't you put the twins together, I'm sure they'd manage, I don't understand why you refuse to do this for Gus.......the other kids can learn to DEAL WITH IT!!!
As Gus has proved to be the most upstanding and helpfull of the kids, why , oh why, wont you give him his OWN room???Can't you put the twins together, I'm sure they'd manage, I don't understand why you refuse to do this for Gus.......the other kids can learn to DEAL WITH IT!!!
Maybe the twins aren't the same gender. If they are the same gender, it makes perfect sense that the twins should share a room and gus should have his own room. It they're not the same gender, it makes sense why they have separate rooms though.
I have not read the whole thread...but I know this much, alot of the time, older male children and step-Fathers/Boyfriends...do not work...and the woman makes a choice, the kid or her new BF, usually the kid loses. Sounds like you choose the new BF over your kid, who was obviously having problems with the whole "new" family thing. He moved out, I don't know what your problems are at all...if you want a family back, then get rid of the new BF, and live with your son, and other child. Or continue the path you have chosen...with your new BF...but don't insist that your kid go with your choice as well...he has not broken up the family...you did....
I know it probably is too late to do anything. But I’m wondering how do other families do it? Why is Gus okay with my husband but not the boys?
Why does he remain friend with those two girls but never show interest in any others? Did they approach him right or have the right personality type?
I am not trying to fix anything, I am just curious.
Why is he maintaining his "friendship" with 2 older girls with whom he hangs out with at a beach house on weekends and has sex vs. hanging out with (same gender) step-kids with whom he has never showed any interest in connecting? Are those real questions.... because the answer seems very obvious to me.
It's sad that Gus has resolved to living in the shed. If the twins are both male, I would double them up and give Gus some privacy is this new "home" which he never wished to be a part of.
I don't think OP will be back since we shattered her illusions of a happy family. It's easier blaming her son then it is for her to see reality and what her actions caused.
I know it probably is too late to do anything. But I’m wondering how do other families do it? Why is Gus okay with my husband but not the boys? Why does he remain friend with those two girls but never show interest in any others? Did they approach him right or have the right personality type?
I am not trying to fix anything, I am just curious.
Because they accept him for who he is. Simple as that.
Gus does not sound like he needs outside acceptance to gauge his self-worth. It is hard for most people to undestand that some people do not need to fit into a particular mold. Even harder if the confident person is not boasterous and is male.
I am a stepmomma. My one to DH's two. 17m/12m/10f. There are different expectations due to different personalities. Each child has his/her own space. This is a MUST. Each person deserves a place to have solitude and peace. The oldest in our situation had his aloof stage, not to the extent of Gus, but he was annoyed by the exsistance of the younger two. Personal space was key to the oldest's security/stability/peace.
It seems that Gus has found his personal space outside of the home because he cannot find it in the home.
I would, however, have an issue with a child who comes and goes as he pleases. Yes, he has proven maturity, but to not know when your child is coming home IMHO is not responsible parenting.
The other kids, on the other hand, sound like they need to learn to live with the 'unfairness' of life, and if they want those privileges then perhaps they should reevaluate their own behavior.
The problem lies not with your son, but with his step siblings. dad needs to man up and let them know 'how things are is how things are' and they will have to deal with it.
Exactly what I was thinking, too.
Also, when a child is more mature than others his age - as it seems Gus is - it's common for them to form friendships with older people. And, girls usually mature faster than boys, so it makes sense to me that Gus would form friendships with older girls at this stage in his life. As long as they aren't doing anything illegal, I wouldn't worry about it. I would discuss your concerns with him, though, just so he's aware of how you're feeling and where you stand.
Maybe the twins aren't the same gender. If they are the same gender, it makes perfect sense that the twins should share a room and gus should have his own room. It they're not the same gender, it makes sense why they have separate rooms though.
I didn’t use Gus as a measure stick. The boys keep asking why Gus is getting away with what he did and when I told them why, they get upset. They basically set Gus as a measuring stick because they think if they do this and that, they can have the same privileges right away. It doesn’t work that way.
Why not give them specific criteria that they can work toward to have similar freedoms (e.g. getting and keeping a part-time job, getting certain grades in school, consistently meeting expectations around the house, volunteering, whatever)? Instead of lamenting that they're less responsible than Gus, give them concrete ways to develop responsibility...and if they don't do so, then they have no ground to stand on when complaining about restrictions.
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