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for someone to even broach the topic is rude and as such they deserve to be told, "mind your own friggen business". For all anyone knows you guys could be trying but are having problems. My daughter has opted to not have children. She doesn't like children,she's all up into her career and she enjoys traveling. When someone asks her when she's going to have kids, she asks them when are they going to learn some manners and why do they care what she does? I think some people are just jealous that childless couples can pretty much do their own thing. Once you have kids they become top priority. I love mine, but there were days..............
for someone to even broach the topic is rude and as such they deserve to be told, "mind your own friggen business".
Agreed!
My wife and I are expecting any day now, but for a time we were ambivalent about the whole thing. I did not mind the question from friends and not even so much from colleagues. But its that more times than not, people keep pressing you on it.
I am looking forward to our child arriving, but life would have been ok without children. There are pros and cons to both. Whatever turns you on.
What kills me know is that people are astonished we are stopping at one kid. FFS, we are 40 and 42 years old. Another would kill us after bankrupting us!
As for relating to friends with kids while you do not: I found that you must merely accept the change that began when the friend got married. When my varios carrousing pals all got married, I made sure to befriend their wife and make them feel welcome. Lifewise I try to know what's going on with my friends' kids.
I give you credit for not jumping into the fire just because relatives and friends want you to. My daughter and her new husband will probably opt out of having children. Her health is fragile and she loves her job. She has never liked being around kids, so why would she choose to have them? We would not dream of putting any kind of pressure on them, there is plenty of that with just day to day living.
Been married 34 years and no kids. I just said confidently and with a smile "never had any, never wanted any and will never have any". Only a bore will continue. My mom says it was a smart decision. Hmmm? :-)
My wife and I are getting more and more flack from so called friends and family because we have decided to not have children. Many of the more religious ones are saying that my wife is not fulfilling her role as a female on the human race.
Fundies who only see women as breeding vessels *puke*
I have yet to personally encounter one of those people. I know I'd laugh until I p'd my pants if someone said that to me. Indeed, I've specifically looked up the fundie articles on "willfully childless" just for the comedy. In those articles, the childfree are scolded for being "morally rebellious". WOO!! I'm a REBEL!!
Anyway, what you and your wife need are other CFs for validation and support. You can start by doing a google on the word "childfree". You'll come up with many sites that discuss the issue and provide support. Then you need to connect with CFs. Check out No Kidding! A social club for childfree singles and couples There are chapters all over; I don't belong to one but hear from those that do who say they have some fun get-togethers where everything but the subject of children is talked about.
Good luck and much sympathy on your family situation.
Moth, congrats to you and your wife. You sound like a nice and decent person and should make a wonderful dad. There are advantages to waiting until your 40s to have a child. Good luck with everything!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moth
Agreed!
My wife and I are expecting any day now, but for a time we were ambivalent about the whole thing. I did not mind the question from friends and not even so much from colleagues. But its that more times than not, people keep pressing you on it.
I am looking forward to our child arriving, but life would have been ok without children. There are pros and cons to both. Whatever turns you on.
What kills me know is that people are astonished we are stopping at one kid. FFS, we are 40 and 42 years old. Another would kill us after bankrupting us!
As for relating to friends with kids while you do not: I found that you must merely accept the change that began when the friend got married. When my varios carrousing pals all got married, I made sure to befriend their wife and make them feel welcome. Lifewise I try to know what's going on with my friends' kids.
good answer, good answer!! No one should ever have a kid if they don't want one. Heck I wanted mine and somedays wished I had never had any
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetana3
Been married 34 years and no kids. I just said confidently and with a smile "never had any, never wanted any and will never have any". Only a bore will continue. My mom says it was a smart decision. Hmmm? :-)
your family size, whether you have no children or a bus full.
If you have no children, then people bug you about when you will or how selfish it is not to. I think this attitude is particularly unfair to people who are experiencing infertility.
If you have one child, then there will be people who will wonder when the next one is coming, or why you will be selfish and not give said child a sibling.
If you have 2 children and they are a boy and a girl, then "they" will assume you are "done" and if not, wonder why. If you have 2 children of the same gender, then its okay to keep trying for the other, but then stop.
Once you have 3 or more, then people comment that you are crazy and "don't you know what causes that?" and "how can you afford all those kids?" and "time to get fixed, now right?" I have 9 kids, so I know about this one very well.
Its nobody's business why you have no children or a lot. I know some people with psychological issues that prevent them from committing to having a child, but it's not something they are going to share with people who criticize them for being childless. Your family should love you and respect you no matter what, even if they don't understand your decision not to have kids.
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off topic,but have to say
good answer, good answer!! No one should ever have a kid if they don't want one. Heck I wanted mine and somedays wished I had never had any
