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The problem with this is that there are no absolutes. Him being a grandpa does not exclude him from also being an abuser. Statistically, most of the time when children are abused? It is by a family member or close friend of the family. The vast majority of men who abuse children are married, have kids or step-kids (they arrange it that way) and appear to be decent on the outside. Yet no one can stomach the idea that their husband, brother or older child would ever do something like that, so they just don't think about it.
However, I would have tried to refrain from making judgments. You have no way to know if this kid will turn out normal and yours will be the one with lacking social skills. Additionally, you have to remember that very often abusers look like perfectly nice people, and that's how they get close to victims. If they all looked like monsters, they would scare the children off. So I don't think teaching the lesson that "grandpas" are harmless is necessarily a good one. If the mom was being social with him as they stood in line, it probably would have been okay to talk to the child. If the mom wasn't saying anything, I probably would have taken that as a cue not to initiate a conversation on my own with a child I did not know. How to parent is a very personal decision, often based on our own experiences. Perhaps this mom has her reasons why this is a sensitive issue for her. None of us can know.
I think your missing my point. This was in a supermarket check out line. With the child's mother right there.
Store employees right there, other customers right there.
I don't think child molesters walk up to children when the parent is standing right there and try and lure them away.
Children are molested when they're unattended or left in the care of a family member or family friend who is a molester.
I think your missing my point. This was in a supermarket check out line. With the child's mother right there. Store employees right there, other customers right there. I don't think child molesters walk up to children when the parent is standing right there and try and lure them away.
Children are molested when they're unattended or left in the care of a family member or family friend who is a molester. Not standing in a supermarket check out line. I thought it was teaching a child to be paranoid. It is overkill IMO.
No, I think you're missing my point. No one is saying an act of molestation was going to occur right there in the checkout aisle. My point is that it is up to you to decide how to parent your own child, me to parent mine, and her to do whatever the heck she wants, without nosy strangers deciding she's wrong for it. If mom didn't want a strange man talking to her kid, it's her own darn business. Some kids don't get it when mom *says* don't talk to strangers, but then every time they're with mom, it's okay to talk to strangers and they do it all the time. Maybe mom wanted to help her practice. I don't know, but it's her business, not ours.
Generally, I might start a conversation with another adult, but I wouldn't start a conversation with a strange child unless I was already talking to their parent and things seemed good. If the parent gave me the cold shoulder, I'd back off.
I teach my kids that people are good, with a few freaks. I read somewhere that The Center for Missing and Exploited Children now recommends against teaching "stranger danger," apparently kids were getting into trouble and NOT approaching unknown adults for help when they needed it.
I teach my kids that you don't (obviously) go anywhere with a stranger and that adults ask adults for help with directions or lost pets. I teach them that if anyone tries to touch them they should yell FIRE! and run as fast as they can to another adult.
Yes, that kid was rude, I don't care what the mother taught her, most people are good.
No, I think you're missing my point. No one is saying an act of molestation was going to occur right there in the checkout aisle. My point is that it is up to you to decide how to parent your own child, me to parent mine, and her to do whatever the heck she wants, without nosy strangers deciding she's wrong for it. If mom didn't want a strange man talking to her kid, it's her own darn business. Some kids don't get it when mom *says* don't talk to strangers, but then every time they're with mom, it's okay to talk to strangers and they do it all the time. Maybe mom wanted to help her practice. I don't know, but it's her business, not ours.
Generally, I might start a conversation with another adult, but I wouldn't start a conversation with a strange child unless I was already talking to their parent and things seemed good. If the parent gave me the cold shoulder, I'd back off.
Well first off no need to be so rude. I didn't say anything to the mother. I was standing right there waiting in line, there was no way I couldn't hear it.
Yes, if I turned around and said something, I would call that nosy and that would have been out of line.
I didn't do that.
I simply came on here to see how others felt. I found it a bit much and wanted to see what others thought.
Well first off no need to be so rude. I didn't say anything to the mother. I was standing right there waiting in line, there was no way I couldn't hear it.
Yes, if I turned around and said something, I would call that nosy and that would have been out of line.
I didn't do that.
I simply came on here to see how others felt. I found it a bit much and wanted to see what others thought.
When you start name calling you lose the debate.
It's a little ironic to watch someone suggest a stranger's child will grow up to have social problems after watching one interaction in the grocery store and then get so incredibly wounded over the idea suggested that it was nosy to judge strangers for parenting differently than they do.
This is a discussion forum, not a debate. There aren't winners and losers, just people offering different perspectives. I was always taught that if you enter a discussion with your mind already made up, then you weren't really listening with an open mind to begin with. Did you really come here to see what others thought or were you just looking for people to agree with you? If you're truly convinced your way is the right one then there's no need to judge what everyone else is doing. To do so is a sign of insecurity .
It's a little ironic to watch someone suggest a stranger's child will grow up to have social problems after watching one interaction in the grocery store and then get so incredibly wounded over the idea suggested that it was nosy to judge strangers for parenting differently than they do.
This is a discussion forum, not a debate. There aren't winners and losers, just people offering different perspectives. I was always taught that if you enter a discussion with your mind already made up, then you weren't really listening with an open mind to begin with. Did you really come here to see what others thought or were you just looking for people to agree with you? If you're truly convinced your way is the right one then there's no need to judge what everyone else is doing. To do so is a sign of insecurity .
I'm not wounded, just pointing out your rude.
You can get your point across without name calling.
I was asking for opinions. I did this post because I observed a situation, I didn't get involved in it. It would be out of line for me to say something to this woman.
That would have been nosy.
Unless I was deaf there is no way I wouldn't have heard the interaction.
I found it a bit much, and wanted to see what others thought.
It's just something that stuck with me. I realize it isn't 1957 anymore, but I think there is a thing as being over cautious and making children afraid of their own shadow.
I'm not wounded, just pointing out your rude. You can get your point across without name calling. I was asking for opinions. I did this post because I observed a situation, I didn't get involved in it. It would be out of line for me to say something to this woman. That would have been nosy. Unless I was deaf there is no way I wouldn't have heard the interaction. I found it a bit much, and wanted to see what others thought.
It's just something that stuck with me. I realize it isn't 1957 anymore, but I think there is a thing as being over cautious and making children afraid of their own shadow.
That's all.
Well, we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I try very hard not to judge people just for doing things differently than I might and we have no way to know this woman's history or any particulars about her child. Additionally, I think it's a little harsh and judgmental to jump straight to the conclusion her child will probably grow up to have social problems. Just because you don't agree with how she parents? I'd try to lighten up a little, if I were you.
Moderator cut: Removed unnecessary comment.
Last edited by JustJulia; 04-14-2011 at 05:33 AM..
Reason: Take spelling discussion to the Writing forum, please.
I realize it isn't 1957 anymore, but I think there is a thing as being over cautious and making children afraid of their own shadow.
Don't tell anybody, but kids got snatched, raped, and murdered in the 50's too.
I do agree with you however, many parents make kids paranoid. How often do you see kids playing in alleys or parks without parents around? It seems, not as often as when I was a kid.
When I was 10, my parents bought a beach house. I was gone almost every day we were there, from late morning until dusk, I only stopped in to eat lunch and dinner. We didn't even have a cell phone. We use to vacation at Disney World every Christmas, and my parents let me and my much older brother( 3 years older) go to the park by ourself.
Today, I struggle with how restrictive am I going to be with my own kids. I know that the danger they face in my middle class white suburbia is no worse than 50 years ago. But, the news and parent groups have drilled into my head that their is a predator behind every bush.
No, I think you're missing my point. No one is saying an act of molestation was going to occur right there in the checkout aisle. My point is that it is up to you to decide how to parent your own child, me to parent mine, and her to do whatever the heck she wants, without nosy strangers deciding she's wrong for it. If mom didn't want a strange man talking to her kid, it's her own darn business. Some kids don't get it when mom *says* don't talk to strangers, but then every time they're with mom, it's okay to talk to strangers and they do it all the time. Maybe mom wanted to help her practice. I don't know, but it's her business, not ours.
Generally, I might start a conversation with another adult, but I wouldn't start a conversation with a strange child unless I was already talking to their parent and things seemed good. If the parent gave me the cold shoulder, I'd back off.
At risk of being nosy myself I don't think the OP was or is at all being nosy. S/he was a third party observer to an incident that is of interest from a parenting perspective, and is posting on a forum about parenting. How is that being nosy?
While it's true that how a parent raises a child is their own prerogative, there is nothing wrong with discussing these kinds of things in a more general context. That's all the OP is doing.
So far this thread has prompted some thoughtful responses from both sides as to whether a child should under no circumstances talk to strangers...and this kind of discussion may be helpful to a prospective or new parent who is deciding how to handle this issue with their own children.
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I don't think the OP was or is at all being nosy. S/he was a third party observer to an incident that is of interest from a parenting perspective, and is posting on a forum about parenting. How is that being nosy? 
