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My boyfriend and I are having a baby in less than 3 weeks.
We were about to be homeless back in February but we were able to redeem ourselves and find a place to live.
My boyfriend lost his job in early April and hasn't been able to find anything ever since. My hours at work change every week because of my high risk pregnancy that has sent me to the Hospital several times...but the money I make is enough to pay for what we need. No luxuries really. We are struggling.
We have gotten a lot of help from his dad (his parents are divorced), my aunt and cousin and even my co-workers who threw me a baby shower and gave us a lot of stuff.
His mother has not given us anything for the baby. Oh, I lied. She gave us a stuffed animal.
I don't like visiting her. All she talks about is buying this and this and this. Doesn't even want to know how we are doing or if we need anything for the baby at all. Whenever he brings something up, she changes the subject to something she wants to do for herself or buy.
I am not handling this very well. She just bought a house and paid the amount up front in cash, she doesn't work, lives off alimony his dad pays her and also disability. She doesn't have a care in the world really. So we know money is not the issue.
Last week she said she was waiting to find out what we needed first; so that she would buy it. She waited 9 months for that? Really? She waited until we got pretty much everything we needed to offer help.
I don't know how to deal with this situation. I am SO bitter.
I am afraid she is going to try and be "Super Grandma" when our daughter is here - don't know why since she hasn't done anything for us at all...and I feel like I am going to blow up.
She's not obligated to do anything for your baby. You have plenty of support from others, instead of focusing on what you're not getting from a woman who isn't even your mother-in-law, why not focus on all the love and support you -are- getting?
She has no rights to your child, but children benefit from grandparents who are loving parts of their lives. It could be that SHE is bitter, over being grandmother to a child whose mother isn't even married to her son. You being bitter won't help, it'll just contribute to the problem.
She's not obligated to do anything for your baby. You have plenty of support from others, instead of focusing on what you're not getting from a woman who isn't even your mother-in-law, why not focus on all the love and support you -are- getting?
She has no rights to your child, but children benefit from grandparents who are loving parts of their lives. It could be that SHE is bitter, over being grandmother to a child whose mother isn't even married to her son. You being bitter won't help, it'll just contribute to the problem.
So I shouldn't expect her to give a d amn about her first grandchild or even her son because I don't have a ring on my finger?
I figured she would be the first one to lend a hand seeing that she wasn't married to my boyfriend's dad when my boyfriend was born and they were poor as it gets.
She's not obligated to do anything for you, your baby or your boyfriend. The fact that she chooses not to speaks volumes about her and I'd steer clear of her, if possible. She is the type to only help when everyone else can see it and she can receive accolades for it.
She's not obligated to do anything for you, your baby or your boyfriend. The fact that she chooses not to speaks volumes about her and I'd steer clear of her, if possible. She is the type to only help when everyone else can see it and she can receive accolades for it.
I think you are right. My boyfriend's dad says she is a narcissist. Same thing goes for my mom who said she wants nothing to do with me or her grandchild. As much as I hate her attitude at least she was upfront about it.
I don't expect anything from her at all. I just don't know what I am going to do if she suddenly decides to act like a super grandmother when the baby is here. I have a hard time holding back my feelings...that's why I said I don't know what to do about this.
I think you are right. My boyfriend's dad says she is a narcissist. Same thing goes for my mom who said she wants nothing to do with me or her grandchild. As much as I hate her attitude at least she was upfront about it.
I don't expect anything from her at all. I just don't know what I am going to do if she suddenly decides to act like a super grandmother when the baby is here. I have a hard time holding back my feelings...that's why I said I don't know what to do about this.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Kids are perceptive. My children have a relative like this and the older they get the more they see how she really is. Let her dig her own grave. Sometimes that is the best way to handle things.
But don't ever let her do something you are not on board with - like over night visits, etc.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Kids are perceptive. My children have a relative like this and the older they get the more they see how she really is. Let her dig her own grave. Sometimes that is the best way to handle things.
But don't ever let her do something you are not on board with - like over night visits, etc.
Oh heck no. No overnight visits EVER.
She has a live-in boyfriend who also happens to be married to another woman and engaged to a 3rd one. He's got two felonies and he just gives me a bad vibe. I will never let our daughter spend the night at her house. He gives us the creeps.
I think maybe I am just being silly. I wasn't raised by my mother (who lives 20 miles away) and the brave lady who raised me passed away 2 years ago. I thought his mom and I would bond and we'd be able to share this miracle with each other since my nearest relative is in another country.
So I shouldn't expect her to give a d amn about her first grandchild or even her son because I don't have a ring on my finger?
I figured she would be the first one to lend a hand seeing that she wasn't married to my boyfriend's dad when my boyfriend was born and they were poor as it gets.
That is correct. You shouldn't expect -her- to do, or not do, anything at all. You have no right to expect anything from her, and she is not obligated to do anything for you.
The only thing you can change, is you. If you are not happy with the situation, you can only change your approach to the situation. You cannot change her, and you can't expect she will change for you. It may be unfortunate, but that's just how it is.
And no, I didn't say she shouldn't give a damn because you don't have a ring on your finger. I'll repeat it, since you chose to misread it the last time. I'll change only the bold for emphasis, and the caps back down to normal sized letters:
Quote:
It could be that she is bitter, over being grandmother to a child whose mother isn't even married to her son.
If that isn't the case, then it doesn't apply to your situation, and you have no reason to be upset that I typed it. If it -is- the case, then it -does- apply to your situation, and my advice stands.
What to do about it? I'd quit worrying about it and her. You are carrying a child..YOUR child. Undue stress can be harmful for you and the baby...you don't need it, don't accept it. Maybe she IS mental case...or maybe she just doesn't want to get attached to a granddaughter who could be snatched out of her life, completely and forever, if you and "your boyfriend", her son, break up. It could be self-centeredness, or it could be self-survival on her part. As far as not helping you two out when you were in a time of need, perhaps she was so caught up in her own home buying stuff at the time, and saw others stepping in...who knows. She is what she is...there's nothing you SHOULD do about it. Besides, it sounds like you've already made up your mind about her.
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Give her a list
