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IMO, I think some of you are latching onto the kicking out part of what the OP was trying to communicate. Think he/she meant to say there is this forced culture of indenpence and the age happens to be 18 years old.
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IMO, kids are not adults at age 18 and need us the most at that time. Don't want to see my kids broke and or dependent on anyone at 18 on up. If my kids choose to stay with me until they get married I wouldn't mind. In many countries around the world children remain in the home until they get married is the norm with little to no unhappiness involved.
You're entitled to your opinion. It's not the cultural norm in America. I think what so many of us are reacting strongly to is the OP's consistent and persistent tone along the lines of "wouldn't it be better if you did it [x] way," [multigenerational, families keeping kids in house longer and kids taking care of parents in their old age] which is a way that they like and are comfortable with.
Americans are verbally demolished when we even appear to try to impose our cultural norms on other cultures ("back home we do it [x] way" "HOW DARE YOU! THIS IS NOT AMERICA!"). Why shouldn't this person, who appears to be an immigrant, be held to the same standard?
After all, this IS America. And leaving home at 18 IS the norm. If it doesn't work for you, or the OP, ok. Have at it. Your choice. Just don't try continue, again and again, to tell me or imply that believing children leaving at 18 to stand on their own 2 feet is okay makes me wrong.
What exactly are you arguing? If my children are going to goof off in college, then living with me isn't going to prevent it.
Furthermore, why do you assume that I will not support my parents' needs as they age because I left home at eighteen or that my children will not be there for me if I need them? Those two things have absolutely nothing to do with one another.
In the Asian culture, we are suppose to take care of our parents.
Social Security does not give you emotional needs.
If you are an immigrant, you will have a rude awakening. Your children will become Americanized. They will embrace American culture more than your values. Don't count on your children taking care of you when you're older. You'd be very wise to plan ahead and prepare financially for your independences as a senior citizen because it's very unlikely that you will live with your children. I don't care what values you try to instill in your children. Society has a greater influence in the long run, especially since your children will likely marry Americans.
I am Caucasian and I would take care of my mother if it weren't for the simple fact that she was out of my life by the time I was 2 and I didn't meet her until I was 19 and we have never had a relationship.
I once asked her (in the middle of an argument when she made it clear that she wanted me out of her life) "Who will take care of you when you are older?"
In the Asian culture, we are suppose to take care of our parents.
Social Security does not give you emotional needs.
Not that this is any of your business, but my spouse and I do provide a great deal of emotional, physical, and financial support to our parents. There is no need for all of us to live in the same household to understand and fulfill our familial obligations.
Many Americans with older parents are in families where everybody works and therefore there is no one to stay home and take care of elderly parents. On top of that, they have kids of their own to raise. They are called the Sandwich Generation. Also typically it has been the woman in the home who has to stay home with elderly parents. But now these same women are out working and contributing to the family income.
I strongly feel people should manage their lives and their money so that they do not NEED to depend on their children to take care of them. My mother once told me she and my father worked out their lives so that neither one would ever have to live with us -their children- or ask us for money. That was their gift to us. And a great gift it was.
It just so happens that I did take my widowed and ill mother in my home for 10 years. Not because she had no money but because this is how everybody concerned wanted it. Eventually she became too ill to stay in our home and she went to a very nice assisted living home. And just because an elderly person is in assisted living or nursing home does not mean they are not being cared for by their family. It certainly does not mean they have no one to love them or help them.
In America a great deal of stock is put into independence. That is what our country was founded on. Most young people want to live on their own because they want to make their own decisions. If a young person continues to live with their parents, they do not or should not have the freedom to come and go as they please. House rules must be followed.
Studies are telling us that most people today do not think their kids will be better off than the parents are. It is just a fact of life in this economic times. While it used to be everybody wanted their kids to have it easier than the parents had life, it may not be possible for this generation. Many parents see that and are willing to help longer than usual. But kids need to learn they have to assume responsibility for their own lives and start making steps to assure this happens before they are much past 24 or 25.
I'm very familiar with Southeast Asian families where three or four generations llive under the same roof. It's not the nirvana you seem to want to paint. They are just as capable of being unhappy and at each other's throats as an "American" family.
Never mind the fact that they are often sleeping on the living room floor to fit the extended family of 8 or 9 in a small apartment. And the first-generation American children often rebel. In that they are no different from any other nationality that immigrates to this country.
Are there advantages? Yes. But I've seen the disadvantages and the unhappiness and the resentment as well.
To save your money and become rich, you need to sacrifice some things in able to do that.
I moved out at 18 (I am almost 27 now) and 5 thousand miles away from the family who raised me (paternal grandparents) and I am glad I did. I was ready to fly away. I have a completely different outlook on life than the rest of my family.
But my cousins on the other hand..One lived with mommy and daddy til he was 38, the other until she was 36. None of my cousins left the house before they were 25. None of them held jobs til they were in their late 20's. One of them didn't work until he was 35...out of sheer laziness!
No job till late 20's or 35? Wow, thats shocking. I can understand for someone who is disabled though.
Sometimes the parents won't let the female work until she is married.
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Originally Posted by bayarea-girl
IMO, I think some of you are latching onto the kicking out part of what the OP was trying to communicate. Think he/she meant to say there is this forced culture of indenpence and the age happens to be 18 years old. An 18 year old being considered an adult is funny to me in some many ways mainly because they can't even drink at 18 and or get a student loan without their parents signing on the dotted line. Also think this idea of a kid being an adult at 18 has to do with the draft in this country originally then morfed into what we have today.
I'm first generation American. My mother adopted what she thought was the American way. Which is you pay your own way and you are an adult at 18. Some of my friends parents also had this mindset. But for the most part they continued to take care of their children while in College. I had the college of my choice to go to but had to pay my own way for EVERYTHING. In some way my mother thought this would make me strong but in reality I was unprepared and made foolish mistakes (lessons I can pass on to my kids). The jobs a kid can get at 18 is VERY low paying (at one point I had 5 jobs, I think this was unnecessary). My husband also has this 18 year old thing in his mind (he is not American) although it also goes against his culture.
IMO, kids are not adults at age 18 and need us the most at that time. Don't want to see my kids broke and or dependent on anyone at 18 on up. If my kids choose to stay with me until they get married I wouldn't mind. In many countries around the world children remain in the home until they get married is the norm with little to no unhappiness involved.
I am Caucasian and I would take care of my mother if it weren't for the simple fact that she was out of my life by the time I was 2 and I didn't meet her until I was 19 and we have never had a relationship.
I once asked her (in the middle of an argument when she made it clear that she wanted me out of her life) "Who will take care of you when you are older?"
Her response? "I will take care of myself!"
Her wishes will come true in a few years.
So why the 17 year gap?
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