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I lived in a near suburb of Chicago most of my life, an area filled with tight lots, lots of pollution, low quality of living and close minded people. The funny thing is...I never noticed it until I went away to college. I used to think that the way I lived was "normal", I thought having metal on your doors was something that everybody had to do...and that kids across America had to be in by Sunset, because things were just to dangerous at night. It is only now that I realize how much I missed out on in my childhood, through my experiences at college. It wasn't until I met other people, that I realized how different my childhood had been.
When my roommate first told me the stories about how he was able to walk to the movie theatre after dark...I was shocked, never in my life had I heard of parents letting kids do such a thing. He followed it up with stories about the county fair, riding his bike to the other side of town, going to HS football games and not having to be patted down for weapons. I soon heard very similar stories from others I met, and thats when it hit me...I missed out on so much in life by living in an urban area. Sure, I learned the values of diversity and how to watch my back...but I never could walk to my friends house alone, go to the county fair or hang with friends for that extra hour after the sun fell. While I struggled to find friends at my gang infested High School, my roommate was enjoying his first kiss, while a kid in my chem class was lighting papers on fire, my roommate was learning the foundations of organic chemistry in his AP class. It hurts just thinking about it.
So whats my point to this? My message is for parents to reevaluate the communities your children are living in. If you live in an urban area, look around and make sure this is where you want your kids to grow up. It might be, or it might not...but make sure the conversation happens, so your child doesn't end up pondering what could have been years later.
Thanks
(I will be happy to make follow up comments, and answer any questions you might have)
You feel that you lost out because your parents couldn't afford to raise you in a posh, insulated suburb or exurb that was high-income, well-groomed and well-policed with all of the upper-middle-class amenities? What crumbs they were! If only they had worked harder, and been more affluent, you could have had a more comfortable and leisurely life, instead of the more common one that most people in America live.
Actually, if your parents had been wealthier, you could have had a more insulated lifestyle in Chicago, gone to a private school, had a car to drive to your friends' houses, or to some high-end recreation after school... Yes, your parents really did you wrong, son.
You feel that you lost out because your parents couldn't afford to raise you in a posh, insulated suburb or exurb that was high-income, well-groomed and well-policed with all of the upper-middle-class amenities? What crumbs they were! If only they had worked harder, and been more affluent, you could have had a more comfortable and leisurely life, instead of the more common one that most people in America live.
Actually, if your parents had been wealthier, you could have had a more insulated lifestyle in Chicago, gone to a private school, had a car to drive to your friends' houses, or to some high-end recreation after school... Yes, your parents really did you wrong, son.
I said none of those things, I was blessed with wonderful parents...and in no way was I poor. My parents had lived in that community their whole lives, and didn't want to see that the area had changed...they realize this now, and moved after I went to college. I never once mentioned anything about living in a "posh" area, and that is not what I meant at all...
I said none of those things, I was blessed with wonderful parents...and in no way was I poor. My parents had lived in that community their whole lives, and didn't want to see that the area had changed...they realize this now, and moved after I went to college. I never once mentioned anything about living in a "posh" area, and that is not what I meant at all...
It's interesting that you still believe that you were deprived in some way. You were exposed to more realities, the crime, the pollution and so on. That is the "norm" for most Americans. The comfortable, insulated middle-class suburban lifestyle you are idealizing has its advantages, for some people. But the teen experience for a lot of kids from the suburbs is not as rosy as you (or your friends) make it out to be. There's a lot of messed up stuff going on in the suburbs too. The lawns are just larger.
My kids were largely brought up in that type of idyllic town you wish you had had. It was wonderful for the reasons you mentioned.
But, they were far from anything cultural, museums, theater, concerts, even sporting events. They never learned how to navigate mass transit. They had little experience prior to high school with any families different from theirs.
Chicago may not have provided you with a big backyard, but surely there must have been positives for you.
No one's childhood has everything. You didn't "miss out." You had different experiences than other people. you had "wonderful parents" who raised you in a neighborhood where they had roots. And, hey, the affluent suburbs are home to some pretty closed minded people too.
No one's childhood has everything. You didn't "miss out." You had different experiences than other people. you had "wonderful parents" who raised you in a neighborhood where they had roots. And, hey, the affluent suburbs are home to some pretty closed minded people too.
Exactly.
Any choice you make will mean you won't experience the thing you didn't choose. I grew up in a very rural area, and spent hours and hours in the woods, exploring. I used to bemoan that my kids didn't share that same upbringing - I absolutely treasure that time and space I had as a kid. Bemoan, that is, until when I expressed that to my kids, both of my sons said, "I think we would have been pretty miserable!"
I had the woods and outdoors and quiet, but I rarely had friends over, unlike my friends that grew up in suburban neighborhoods. Going to a museum was a once-a-year trip, if that, and a really big deal. I didn't learn how to ride a city bus until I was in college. My kids, who've been raised in urban neighborhoods, have friends over often, museums are seen as a matter-of-course thing, they know how to ride the city bus and can hail a cab if needed.
Different experiences, each with their own pros and cons.
I do really wish we could see more stars now. THAT is one thing I really wish my guys could experience - stepping out the back door and seeing a sky full of stars, nearly every night. Thank goodness there are still places they can experience that, not every night, but when we're there.
I traveled my whole life as father was career Army officer. I longed for cousins and family reuinons, and a home town. When I met people with the upbringing i so envied they told me tales of miserable family relations, forced get togethers and small minded people in their towns. They couldn't wait to get away. They envied me my travels, souvenirs of far away places and experiences they could never have.
We all seem to think the grass is greener. What is important is that you had a great family with love. Where that is really doesn't matter.
No one childhood has everything. I'm sure you have plenty of experiences that your roommate did not, and he probably is envious of some of the things you were able to do.
For what it's worth, many Americans did not have the life described by your roommate, either. I don't think that reflects a typical American childhood these days, either.
I also wouldn't be so quick to depict this as an "urban" thing. There is no one "urban" norm. Kids in various suburban or small town environments can have rough experiences, too, just as kids in the city don't necessarily go to gang-infested schools or live in terrible neighborhoods. And it sounds like your parents must have done something right: you made it through high school and are attending college, after all.
Not everyone has the financial means to pack up and move to a more upscale locale. And despite saying that this isn't about money, when it comes right down to it, it probably is. That goes for locations of all types. If your roommate lived in a safe town (or suburb) with a roster of AP classes, odds are that it was a middle-class or wealthy community. Just check out the many small towns out there struggling with poverty and environmental issues (my husband spent his first few years in a small town that is now a Superfund site, so don't think rural or suburban areas are necessarily pristine...), or, for that matter, the ultra-posh city neighborhoods where the wealthy kids enjoy a life of luxury.
In any case, your childhood is over. Learn to appreciate what you DID get out of it, and don't dwell on what you didn't. Also for what it's worth, I attended a fairly rough inner-city junior high (went to city public schools the whole way, but both the elementary and high school were excellent by all counts, but the junior high was a different story). I had some great teachers, but a fairly sizable portion of the student body was obviously headed nowhere (other than maybe jail) fast. Being aware of some of those realities is a learning experience in itself.
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