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My (9 y/o) daughter got an invitation a week ago for a fun birthday party for a girl she is semi-friends with. They play sometimes, but my daughter is weary about her because the girl and her other friends like to do "naughty" things (like pass notes when the teacher is teaching, not like major stuff). My daughter does not want to get in trouble.
I asked her if she wanted to go and she said "I guess so" (its a sleep over). So I RSVPed yes. This weekend I got a invite to one of my daughter's closer friends that conflicts with the first party! Eek! I'm guessing the other kid didn't get an invite to the sleep over because it seems like the second party planned would try not to cause any time conflicts (all in the same class).
I think I should talk to my daughter and explain we are going to go to the first party because we already said yes and that it is right. She is going to be upset, I think.
When did birthday parties become command performances? If your daughter doesn't want to attend the first one, what's the point of making her go? I honestly don't understand this way of thinking. Yes, she said she would go, I get that. But she can certainly change her mind about which party she would rather attend. Have her call the first girl and tell her she's sorry, but she won't be able to attend after all, and she hopes the birthday girl has a great time. No further explanation needed.
When did birthday parties become command performances? If your daughter doesn't want to attend the first one, what's the point of making her go? I honestly don't understand this way of thinking. Yes, she said she would go, I get that. But she can certainly change her mind about which party she would rather attend. Have her call the first girl and tell her she's sorry, but she won't be able to attend after all, and she hopes the birthday girl has a great time. No further explanation needed.
There is no "we" involved.
I don't think it is a good thing to teach kids to cancel on one friend because you got a better offer. They are all in the same class...all this will come out. She didn't get upset, she seemed to understand and wasnt overly upset or worried.
I just asked my daughter and she said the two birthday girls actually play more together then she plays with either of them. LOL. Drama
Ran into the same situation with my son, I made him go to the first party. I explained to him that once you make a commitment to Attend you don't back out just because you get a better offer. He wasn't thrilled but he went and had a great time.
I don't think it is a good thing to teach kids to cancel on one friend because you got a better offer. They are all in the same class...all this will come out. She didn't get upset, she seemed to understand and wasnt overly upset or worried.
I just asked my daughter and she said the two birthday girls actually play more together then she plays with either of them. LOL. Drama
You said she wasn't friends with the first girl, at least not to the extent she considered the 2nd child. Somebody is going to be disappointed, it's unavoidable. It's either the child who your daughter isn't that close to, or her friend, who, if she doesn't already know she isn't invited to the first party, will shortly.
It's odd that the other 2 girls play together, and yet they didn't invite each other to their parties.
You said she wasn't friends with the first girl, at least not to the extent she considered the 2nd child. Somebody is going to be disappointed, it's unavoidable. It's either the child who your daughter isn't that close to, or her friend, who, if she doesn't already know she isn't invited to the first party, will shortly.
It's odd that the other 2 girls play together, and yet they didn't invite each other to their parties.
One is having a sleep over so she was likely given a small number she could invite. I was surprised she invited my daughter. But my daughter is "popular" and outgoing, so that might be why?
The other one was a full class invite.
I hear my daughter talking more about birthday girl #2, so I assumed they were closer. But they work together more. She swears those two birthday girls play together all the time.
Girl dynamics...makes my head spin. Even when I was a kid!
We experience "Minnesota Nice" a lot too. My daughter's BFF at school (feeling is mutual) has never invited my daughter to a party, sleep over, play date. We have extended invites a few times and they were ignored. But when you see who the mom is inviting, she is inviting her own friends with kids the same age.
HFB you're doing the right thing in my opinion. There is nothing worse than a kid "better dealing" another kid. It's just not nice. Also, you are right, it will come out and feelings will, in all probability, be hurt.
I don't think it is a good thing to teach kids to cancel on one friend because you got a better offer. They are all in the same class...all this will come out. She didn't get upset, she seemed to understand and wasnt overly upset or worried.
I just asked my daughter and she said the two birthday girls actually play more together then she plays with either of them. LOL. Drama
Send a gift for each birthday girl and don't attend either? I am just kidding but what would you do if your child was sick on the day of a party and had 'committed' to going?
I held many 'fun' birthday parties for my daughter when she was a child. There was always someone who didn't come at the last minute for some reason or another - and that reason, as I recall, more than once included deciding to go to another child's party instead. I wasn't bothered by it (much easier to remove one plate from the table usually than to add another) and my daughter never was either. She had many other friends there and even if they remembered that one was missing, that didn't matter 5 minutes later.
Obviously neither of these girls is such fast friends with your daughter that they will suffer permanent trauma if she misses one party or the other. Do whatever you want to do and teach whatever lesson it is you think your daughter should learn but I am not certain it really is that big a deal either way to the girls and in the grand scheme of things - so relax. It is probably more of a problem for you than it is for any of the kids I imagine.
I don't think it is a good thing to teach kids to cancel on one friend because you got a better offer. They are all in the same class...all this will come out. She didn't get upset, she seemed to understand and wasnt overly upset or worried.
So what is your question exactly? Or did you just start this thread out of boredom?
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It is probably more of a problem for you than it is for any of the kids I imagine.
