Divorced dads: how often do you see your children? (legal, teaching, parent)
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My wife tried to get me to do that route, The weekend father thing. I thought to myself- I never had kids to bring me pain and worry. I had them because they were supposed to be a joy.. This modern thing about.."you can see them once in a while and give me some money" Made no sense to me...So I gradually conned the woman into letting me back in the house...and stayed for the next 20 years.....I had to do my duty - and enjoy my kids- protect them- if I would have listened to the woman..My kids would have grown up white trash.
If you have kids...stick it out and play nice...no matter what...When the father or the mother is gone - they are open to danger- molestation...and exposure to unsavory characters who like to hover like vultures over an injured family....When I re-entered the house...I got rid of all the interlopers...and weasels...My wife used to say to others- It's good to have him around- he keeps the riff raff away.
I find that "seeing" your child doesn't make you a father. If you can see him (on her terms) and you contribute nothing to the decisions affecting his life (only child support), why fool yourself? What kind of fathering is that? If you can, fight for a full/joint custody. If you can't, you should have thought about this possibility before the act of conception. There is little you can do to remain a father.
I wonder if this is what the OP's ex, and other divorced dad's problem is. If they can't run things, they run away? Or they hate their ex more than they love their children? Personally, I can't think of a reason or scenario that would make me just walk out my child's life, and have a hard time imagining why any parent would. There's no such thing as "can't" when it comes to your kids. If it's important enough to you, you can find a way.
I guess the bottom line is some people simply aren't meant to be parents and should never become parents. And those who chose these kind of partners to father our children will have to deal with the consequence of being both mother and father. I think it's ridiculous and beyond selfish that a father would be willing to hurt his own child just to get back at the mother though.
It is the kind where it is better for a child to have a father, and no that his father loves him enough to put up with the drama.
What you have now told your child is he is not worth putting up with a PITA mom for.
THAT SUCKS.
Nope, I will be showing my kid that it's not OK for a man to bend over for a woman and to become a spineless wipe, even for dubious "sake" of a kid, it's not OK. My biggest fear is that he'll grow up into another "nice guy" daddy to have relationship of any kind with uncaring women like his momma. Even stupid guys like me have a point of self-respect beyond which I will not bend. I hope his bar of tolerance for BS will be much higher, and seeing dadda as a spineless playmate and weekend present carrier will not accomplish that.
I wonder if this is what the OP's ex, and other divorced dad's problem is. If they can't run things, they run away? Or they hate their ex more than they love their children? Personally, I can't think of a reason or scenario that would make me just walk out my child's life, and have a hard time imagining why any parent would. There's no such thing as "can't" when it comes to your kids. If it's important enough to you, you can find a way.
I guess the bottom line is some people simply aren't meant to be parents and should never become parents. And those who chose these kind of partners to father our children will have to deal with the consequence of being both mother and father. I think it's ridiculous and beyond selfish that a father would be willing to hurt his own child just to get back at the mother though.
Run things? At this point nobody even asks my opinion, my presence tolerated because (I guess) that extra$ I bring each time. I deeply believe that single mothers are screwing second generations of males already. I don't know, at this point, how to protect my son from a domineering single mother. However, I don't think that if I'll swallow hundreds of "it's none of your business" in front of my son, it will help him or it will show him how much I love him.
Run things? At this point nobody even asks my opinion, my presence tolerated because (I guess) that extra$ I bring each time. I deeply believe that single mothers are screwing second generations of males already. I don't know, at this point, how to protect my son from a domineering single mother. However, I don't think that if I'll swallow hundreds of "it's none of your business" in front of my son, it will help him or it will show him how much I love him.
Sorry. Not being there because you don't like the woman you chose to be his mother will not in any way show him how much you love him. Kids need their dads to be PRESENT. There. With them. Involved. No matter how much you try to convince yourself that you're really looking out for his best interest by staying out of his life to avoid dealing with his mom. That's for you not for him. Very sad. Very sad indeed.
I have my children and I raised them alone, she seen them 1 time in ten years, I asked her to come visit them, even offered to pay for the round trip and hotel for her but she never came, ever, until last year, my daughter was 24 and my son was 16 at the time and after two days told her to leave, and why did she come now?, and that was the last they have seen or heard from her until last week, she contacted DD by text
Sorry. Not being there because you don't like the woman you chose to be his mother will not in any way show him how much you love him. Kids need their dads to be PRESENT. There. With them. Involved. No matter how much you try to convince yourself that you're really looking out for his best interest by staying out of his life to avoid dealing with his mom. That's for you not for him. Very sad. Very sad indeed.
Could not agree more.
I read your responses, RememberMee, and they are all about YOU, not your child. All he knows is you're not there. It really doesn't matter what you think or what you say, it's what you DO. What you ARE showing him is that a father places conditions on love for his child.
Run things? At this point nobody even asks my opinion, my presence tolerated because (I guess) that extra$ I bring each time. I deeply believe that single mothers are screwing second generations of males already. I don't know, at this point, how to protect my son from a domineering single mother. However, I don't think that if I'll swallow hundreds of "it's none of your business" in front of my son, it will help him or it will show him how much I love him.
I think by MAKING it your business, it would. He's your son. How can anybody tell you "it's none of your business" about your own child? This is why I've often wondered is it just a mother/father thing, or a personality thing. I'm not a domineering biach, like you call your ex, but I do know that nobody would ever tell me "it's none of your business" about my own child, just like nobody would ever tell me that I can't see her or be a parent to her. And if somebody dared, I would be moving heaven, hell, and everything in between to do just that. Your son deserves both parents in his life, and you're letting his mom cheat him out of having a dad, just because you don't seem to want to be bothered. It's really sad.
However, I don't think that if I'll swallow hundreds of "it's none of your business" in front of my son, it will help him or it will show him how much I love him.
So you climbed into bed with this woman and made a baby (I'm assuming you had a good time doing that and thought you were an adult) but when things get tough you walk away from that child? And you justify it to yourself by telling yourself he's going to learn something if YOU don't have to listen to his mother. Are you still an adult or did that stop when things got difficult?
If you think he's going to learn anything by never seeing you walk through the door you couldn't be more wrong.
He's an innocent kid. Dang. Sometimes I'd give anything to be able to give kids a parent-transplant.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 08-12-2012 at 07:13 PM..
I used to see my son whenever I could, and it's not much 1-2 times/week, 10 hrs +/-. Sometimes in the middle of a week. I live about 80 miles away. But for now I removed myself from his life. I'm not going to fight over every darn nothing with a disrespectful controlling biatch. It's not good for him to see. I gave her a simple choice, a father for her child or whatever nonsense she decided to do regardless of my opinion (there was no discussion to begin with, just a statement). She's made a predictable choice. And it was absolute non issue (for a sane woman) to argue about. She's chose her way over having a father for her child. It's not going to get any better in the future, so it's better to remove myself when he's very young. I'm not in a position to fight for a joint custody. I'll not be driving 80 miles to be empty space to be disrespected and disregarded, this kind of woman behavior is not good for him to see again. If she will not damage him beyond point of no return, I hope to be his father. Sounds somewhat cruel. But the point is, think twice before fathering a child with a woman, especially "independent" controlling biatches..
I keep thinking about this post and it makes me so sad. The second or third time I read it, I noticed something:
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a simple choice, a father for her child or whatever nonsense she decided
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She's chose her way over having a father for her child
And equally, you chose YOUR way over BEING a father for YOUR child.
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I hope to be his father
Newsflash - the child HAS a father. It's you.
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But the point is, think twice before fathering a child
Agreed. But it's a done deal at this point so you make the best of it. You want to show your child what a man is? A man doesn't walk away from his children. Focus less on her attitude threatening your masculinity and more on your actions proving your manhood.
ETA - I really want to add - the parent who gives up on his/her relationship with a child is not only cheating his child out of a parent but also cheating himself out on one of life's most wonderful and rewarding experiences. It is incredibly difficult even under the best of circumstances - but so well worth it.
Last edited by maciesmom; 08-12-2012 at 07:34 PM..
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