Saying "no" vs. diversion (spanking, toddlers, toys, parents)
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It's trendy these days among certain kinds of parents to avoid saying "no" - just re-direct the child to something else. But a discussion on another thread really drives home the importance of saying "no" to young children as opposed to just diverting them to other interests or activities.
A child should learn from an early age that he can't have his way all the time. Parents should actively teach this. Some examples:
1. Place some candy on the coffee table. Tell your 2 y/o that the candy isn't for him. Watch him try to grab it. Tell him not to grab it. When he grabs it anyway, swat his hand. Tell him to put it down, or calmly take it away. Don't give him anything else to make him happy (but do let him find something else on his own). Let him just meditate on the fact that no means no and he can't have what he wants at this time.
2. Give your 3 y/o a toy and let him play with it for a while. While he's enjoying himself, tell him to give the toy to someone else. If he refuses, give him a little swat or two and calmly take the toy away. Don't give him anything else to appease his anger (but once again, do allow him to move on to something else if he chooses). Let him think about that fact that sometimes he can't have the toy he wants. And make sure he's not allowed to throw a physical tantrum.
Repeat these and similar set-ups as needed.
It won't take long to see your child's behavior improve, even when you're not around anymore.
Last edited by WesternPilgrim; 09-23-2012 at 05:27 PM..
set up is the perfect term for it. there will be enough REAL opportunities not to have to set up a toddler. I believe in saying NO when and where it is appropriate and quite frankly think there is too much "Now Bobby what did i say" over and over again. But I don't think a swat or two is appropriate unless the kid is in danger of being hurt.
set up is the perfect term for it. there will be enough REAL opportunities not to have to set up a toddler. I believe in saying NO when and where it is appropriate and quite frankly think there is too much "Now Bobby what did i say" over and over again. But I don't think a swat or two is appropriate unless the kid is in danger of being hurt.
Yes, there are enough real opportunities. Good point. But setting things up keeps the parent from being lazy and taking the easy way out with diversion.
I think you could accomplish the same thing without the swats. But the advantage of swats is that it gives a little more gravitas to the parental "no", which is important in other contexts.
Poor kid is going to end up w/ a really red hand from all of the hand swats.
Not so. It only take one or two at any given time. And if he still doesn't get it by three or four (highly unlikely), you've made the the point and can just keep the candy or toys away.
It's trendy these days among certain kinds of parents to avoid saying "no" - just re-direct the child to something else. But a discussion on another thread really drives home the importance of saying "no" to young children as opposed to just diverting them to other interests or activities.
A child should learn from an early age that he can't have his way all the time. Parents should actively teach this. Some examples:
1. Place some candy on the coffee table. Tell your 2 y/o that the candy isn't for him.
Set your child up for certain failure so that you may have the pleasure of smacking his ass. Real life does not work like that. I have no problem with No. But life has enough situations in it for them to learn from that you don't have to set them up for a power display.
Last edited by JustJulia; 09-24-2012 at 11:41 AM..
Reason: deleted rude comment
It's trendy these days among certain kinds of parents to avoid saying "no" - just re-direct the child to something else. But a discussion on another thread really drives home the importance of saying "no" to young children as opposed to just diverting them to other interests or activities.
A child should learn from an early age that he can't have his way all the time. Parents should actively teach this. Some examples:
1. Place some candy on the coffee table. Tell your 2 y/o that the candy isn't for him. Watch him try to grab it. Tell him not to grab it. When he grabs it anyway, swat his hand. Tell him to put it down, or calmly take it away. Don't give him anything else to make him happy (but do let him find something else on his own). Let him just meditate on the fact that no means no and he can't have what he wants at this time.
2. Give your 3 y/o a toy and let him play with it for a while. While he's enjoying himself, tell him to give the toy to someone else. If he refuses, give him a little swat or two and calmly take the toy away. Don't give him anything else to appease his anger (but once again, do allow him to move on to something else if he chooses). Let him think about that fact that sometimes he can't have the toy he wants. And make sure he's not allowed to throw a physical tantrum.
Repeat these and similar set-ups as needed.
It won't take long to see your child's behavior improve, even when you're not around anymore.
Doesn't sound like a recipe for a peaceful home life to me, for either the parent or the child. Teasing isn't nice, no matter what the end goal is, and that's what this "helpful" hint advocates.
Do we really need another thread on smacking kids around?
Set your child up for certain failure so that you may have the pleasure of smacking his ass. Real life does not work like that. I have no problem with No. But life has enough situations in it for them to learn from that you don't have to set them up for a power display.
You hit the nail right on the head.
Last edited by JustJulia; 09-24-2012 at 11:42 AM..
Reason: removed reference to deleted comment
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