Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Here's what I see in the world: parents whose responsibility it is to be aware of how the tools they give their kids access to can be used, proactively addressing the risks and the benefits, having ongoing dialogue with their kids not just about technology but about all manner of things. IMO, there are many more parents like this than who say "here" and then have no further discussion.
I only wish that was the case.. I have seen a trend lately that it appears to be moving that way, but at least from what I've personally seen, it isn't there yet.
You are a breath of fresh air in the smog of modern society.
I just wish this "if you can afford it why not" parenting society would think more like you. That kind of thinking is why it makes it so hard for other parents. So many adults think that it's a tool of education. It really isn't, it's for games first, talking to friends 24/7 (is this REALLY a good thing?) and SOMETIMES homework.
I understand what you mean, but you can't control other people.
You can only control yourself.
So blaming other parents for what they choose to give their kids is pointless and irrelevant.
We live in a neighborhood where kids get BMWs when they are 16...the 8 and 10 year-old across the street have dirt bikes, a dune buggy (full-size), trips on their dad's yacht, etc, etc, etc...I am sure they also have all the gaming stuff, too. These are not posers. These are people with real money.
So? So what? We could buy our kid a BMW and 10 ipads a year and it wouldn't be a blip on our financial radar. But we are not going to do that. For xmas, I bought my son 6 books. That's it.
YES, there are people and will be people all around him with all sorts of fancy crap, but I don't plan to teach my son that what he wants should be dictated by the masses. I will teach him to be his own man, to appreciate the value of a dollar, and to follow his own mind and instincts.
There are all sorts of influences out there...the media is overpowering at times. Celebrities are always spewing all sorts of stupid garbage. The prevailing sentiment is that fame is more important and a better road to financial security than substantial contributions to society in the form of disciplined labor.
All parents have to battle that.
So stop worrying what everyone else is doing. Teach your kids to be their own people.
That kind of thinking is why it makes it so hard for other parents.
A strong parent is able to withstand what you apparently see as horrible pressure - or whatever the problem you have with all this is - caused by other people's thinking. It's called "parenting".
Maybe that's something you better start thinking about. If you don't you are going to be absolutely miserable when you find out you have NO control over the parent down the street who bought his kid $2,000 worth of Apple goodies. Really. It will make you nuts if you worry about what someone else is doing. Worry about what you're doing. A huge chunk of parenting is being an..... adult.
You are a breath of fresh air in the smog of modern society.
I just wish this "if you can afford it why not" parenting society would think more like you. That kind of thinking is why it makes it so hard for other parents. So many adults think that it's a tool of education. It really isn't, it's for games first, talking to friends 24/7 (is this REALLY a good thing?) and SOMETIMES homework.
What you haven't addressed (and I have asked many times) is so what? So they use the computer to play games and talk to friends. Why is that a bad thing?
A strong parent is able to withstand what you apparently see as horrible pressure - or whatever the problem you have with all this is - caused by other people's thinking. It's called "parenting".
Maybe that's something you better start thinking about. If you don't you are going to be absolutely miserable when you find out you have NO control over the parent down the street who bought his kid $2,000 worth of Apple goodies. Really. It will make you nuts if you worry about what someone else is doing. Worry about what you're doing.
Bingo. And honestly, I don't recall finding it particularly "hard" to deal with what other kids got. My kids always knew that throughout their lives some people would have more and lots of people had less. It was a fact of life not just about holiday gifts or just about expensive toys. It just was...and is. Trust me there are much much harder things to deal with as parents than what gifts a neighbor gives their child.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 12-28-2012 at 08:47 AM..
Reason: Please discuss the topic, not each other
Here's what I see in the world. Parents who are thinking they are doing the right thing by giving it to them, but they do not possess the understanding of what they are giving to their kids. It's access to everything, all knowledge, all people, all social circles. Would these parents let their kids hang out at the highschool in the back where people are smoking cigs? Well, by letting them explore social media, it's just the same (UNLESS there's heavy monitoring which most parents don't do).
How do you know what parents are doing? I don't profess to know about everything every other person is doing. All I can control is what goes on in my house. I suggest you stop making yourself crazy about the imagined wrongs of the rest of the world.
Bingo. And honestly, I don't recall finding it particularly "hard" to deal with what other kids got. My kids always knew that throughout their lives some people would have more and lots of people had less. It was a fact of life not just about holiday gifts or just about expensive toys. It just was...and is. Trust me there are much much harder things to deal with as parents than what gifts a neighbor gives their child.
This is true both ways. If you are someone who has a lot of wealth it is your job to teach your children to be gracious and to be charitable. If you have wealth it is your job to teach your children that money has a value, but the value of person who has the money has little to do with the money. All that is the job of parents.
I don't worry about people who give their kids brand new cars when they get their license. My kids are fine driving one of our old cars. I don't worry about the kids who were accepted by prestigious universities but are attending our state flagship. None of that is my business.
Fascinating thread to follow, if a little heated at times. Touches on so many issues we are currently grappling with as parents to 10 and 6 year old boys - how to manage the role and scope of technology in their lives generally, what values do we want to teach about money and work and achievement, understanding that their world and the way they experience it is vastly different from when we grew up, but struggling to figure out how much online access is too much and what is appropriate at what age, etc, etc.
My 10 year son would desperately love an Ipad, Iphone, Ipod, primarily because a lot of his friends have them and he feels the odd one out (and I'm not belittling that as a feeling, I felt the same way as a kid over a few things that it seemed like everyone else had). And then his second biggest reason would be the ability to play games on them, followed a very distant third by social media, and I'm not even sure that an educational purpose comes into it for him.
He really wanted an Ipod Touch or an Xbox 360 for Christmas, but instead we gave him some other presents like Lego and a remote controlled helicopter, a check for $75, a list of things he could do to earn some money, and our permission to buy either one when he had enough. (Our previous position had been no Xboxes, PS, etc in the house, although we are happy for him to play them at friends' places and we did get secondhand Nintendos last year for long trips. We also have a Minecraft server that 4-6 kids can play on at a time, so trying to provide some controlled forums for some types of interactive group gaming.)
He's not being hard done by, he still got some great presents that he was thrilled about, and he already has some other money he's earned or been given, so it won't take him that long to get it all together. We could afford to buy him either of the things he wants, but just felt really uncomfortable with the thought of spending that much money on any item for a 10 year old, especially one we aren't thrilled to have in the house in the first place. We also wanted him to experience what it's like to have to save and wait for something, how to research and compare products and sellers and prices, figuring out his own standards of value in money and things, and being responsible for his decisions, including looking after it.
I understand the position of focusing on giving and receiving at the holidays, but the reality is that whatever choice you make, you are also giving a financial lesson of sorts to your kids, whether you intend to or not. Maybe the lesson is that its worth spending money on a quality product, or that it's nice to be able to have the money to spend generously on friends and family, or that you don't need to spend a lot of money to show care, and thought and love. But maybe it's also that if you really want something badly enough, someone else will provide it, or if someone really loves you, they'll buy expensive things for you - or that somebody who isn't willing to buy you expensive things doesn't love you enough. I think one has to be very mindful of how gifts to children are presented and perceived, whatever their monetary value.
I didn't go back and reread over all the pages, but it seemed that a lot of the parents who had bought Ipads and Iphones for their kids had done so around the 12 and up mark, which seems about right to me. I think there is quite a big difference between say a 10 year old and a 12 year old in the need for those items and the way they'd be used. And their ability to look after them. But every family and every child is different, so the answer as to whether it's reasonable to spend that amount of money on technology for a child is always going to be "It depends".
That is an excellent point (about allowing your son to learn about money & responsiblity).
We tried to involve our children in a lot of the shopping decisions when they were younger and it really paid off. Both are in their late twenties and, usually, make very smart financial choices.
I've mentioned it before on C-D but my son, at 29, is probably one of the few people his age who has never owned a car in his entire life. He was able to make do riding a bike & using public transportation(and occasionally carpooling with friends) all through 10 plus years of college. He says that he is sure that he would have had many. many more thousands in student loans if he would have had to pay for a car & insurance, etc.
So the things that you teach, or show your child by example, at age 8 or 10 or 12 can have very far reaching ramifications.
8 to 12 year olds, not teenagers, not young adults..
What I'm getting from a bunch of posters is that if you've got the money then go ahead - spoil the kids rotten with the latest and greatest technology.
That kind of thinking I will agree seems to be the norm here in this country and IMO it's very wrong. I'm not saying don't reward your kids. I'm saying that just because they were born and live on this planet does that make them eligible for 500 to 1500 dollar gifts every christmas and birthday?? (Again I don't know anyone who went and bought a used mac for their kid this year, they were all brand new)..
Yes it does. They are eligible for anything and any amount that their own parents deem appropriate, and want to give them. It sounds like you are jealous. You aren't a parent, you are way involved and judgemental about how parents choose to parent.
So the things that you teach, or show your child by example, at age 8 or 10 or 12 can have very far reaching ramifications.
Showing by example is the most powerful way.
My mother taught me so much just by how she conducted her daily life.
My father taught me how to be scrupulous.
Both of them showed me how to ignore the Joneses.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A huge chunk of parenting is being an..... adult.
Eligible--LOL
