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Has anyone here ever moved with your child away from their non-custodial parent?
What issues should I expect to deal with?
How hard is the transition?
How do you deal with sharing custoday over thousands of miles?
Does the non-custodial parent get all vacations and holidays?
we moved away from the non-custodial parent, but we had a bit of a ....challenging....relationship w/him as it was. He was a HUGE part of our decision to move. And we didnt move that far, only about 5hrs away.
heres what happened w/us though. He fought it, bad. even though he hadnt seen her in months, he still took us to court and tried to block our move (a bit of a control issue he has!) anyhow, we had to do mediation through the courts and then had a set time to come up with an agreement that we could both agree to. then we had to go back to court again to have the custody visitation agreement modified.
what we went for, was alternating major holidays, 2 four weeks in the summer, and he has the option to have her if there is a 4 or more days off (ie thurs/fri/sat/sun) So far, he's seen her 2x in the last 2 1/2 yrs.....
we also put in he was supposed to call her each Sunday at 6pm. and we got her a cell phone w/unlimited time to call/text w/him.
it wasnt a hard transisition for her, but again, he saw her so infrequently anyhow, a move didnt make much difference.
you can also go down (or have your chld go w/the ncp) and pick out special stationary, pens, stickers, stamps, and disposable cameras to put togeather in a special box they also get to pick out and decorate, and use that just for sending stuff to the other parent.
hope this was a bit helpful...
best of luck toyou
tiffany
I can only speak on the Father's side (my husband) And it wasn't always pretty.
She finally hooked a rich husband and wanted to move from Orlando to Colorado.
Hubby said NO. She calls lawyer....again.
She finally got to go with him with these stipulations
We got him two major holidays every year and from the day after his school let out to the day before he had to go back.
Since it was her idea to move him away from his father, she was to pay the holiday airfares and we paid for the summer trip.
Guess what happened.....we ended up paying for every plane ticket. It got to the point that if we wanted to see him, we had to cough up the $$$. Which we did. Along with everything else we had to pay. It was for him so it was worth it. We dealt with this for 12 years.
What annoyed me is that she would send a list of the clothing she needed us to buy for the next school year. And of course she would only send him with three changes of clothes and one pair of shoes.
So it got to the point that to be fair we would buy half of what was on the list.
Thank goodness that is all over with now.
Most of these questions (i.e., who gets holidays, etc) depends on your custody agreement. If it doesn't account for you moving, you need to go an get it changed.
How often do the children see their father now? How old are they?
Has anyone here ever moved with your child away from their non-custodial parent?
What issues should I expect to deal with?
How hard is the transition?
How do you deal with sharing custoday over thousands of miles?
Does the non-custodial parent get all vacations and holidays?
From what I hear (in this state anyway), you need a pretty damn good reason to move your child away from a loving, involved father...assuming that's the case here, you may not be able to do it. A lot of judges in Texas would just turn you down flat (assuming the father objected, which a lot of them will).
I moved. My ex was not happy about it - at the time my son was about 2 and his father was really involved and saw him 3 nights a week.
But as the years have past (he's 6 now) his dad shows his true priorities are that he's a work a holic and doesn't have the time to do the family thing. He HARDLY calls. He was paying monthly til he didn't have money (he's self employeed) lately. He in the first year or so after our move he would come visit with his new wife for a weekend here or there but hasn't in years now. I give him first dibs on holidays but he hardly takes me up on the offers. He does have him for the summer but even that has dwindled down to half what it used to be - AND HE DOESN"T EVEN SEE HIM! My ex just sends my son to his grandmas for the majority of the week!
We have no formal agreement. We did sign (to my dismay) a letter of intent to give my ex full custody at 10 years old. My husband doesn't think it will happen. But if it does I said we are moving RIGHT BACK to Sacramento, I will not be without my son.
Oh and I told him "You can have Alex for Winter Break" and my ex said - "Oh I can't - I'll be in Europe!"
Thanks for the information. Our custody agreement states if I wish to move out of state with my daughter, I do need to get permission from the non custodial parent. So I know I will have to have a sit down with the father (I have briefly mentioned it to him already) and write up a new parenting agreement with regards to the move.
He is a weekend daddy who with some prompting remembers to pay his child support. He also has a son from a previous relationship, who he did not fight for when the mother left town, and who he sees maybe 2x a year for 2 weeks. He has a history of loosing jobs and working odd hours, and likes to promise allot but not deliver.
Some of the reasons for moving include better education for my daughter and a better environment (I never planned on raising a kid in vegas aka Sin City, So I am hoping he does not try to fight me too much.
If you're expecting a fight, I recommend lining up a job and a home that is better than what you have in Vegas. If you can prove that your child's quality of life will improve and are willing to make concessions with regard to expenses and visitation in light of the distance, the courts will usually not stop you. However, if it's apparent that you are moving just to interfere in the father/child relationship, they can and will stop you.
If you're expecting a fight, I recommend lining up a job and a home that is better than what you have in Vegas. If you can prove that your child's quality of life will improve and are willing to make concessions with regard to expenses and visitation in light of the distance, the courts will usually not stop you. However, if it's apparent that you are moving just to interfere in the father/child relationship, they can and will stop you.
Even if that's not her reason for moving, judges in some states will still stop her if they feel the benefits to the child from moving do not outweigh the loss of a close relationship with the non-custodial parent.
Vegas, you need to do a gut check; how far are you willing to go and how much money are you willing to spend to get this done? If he fights you, it could get extremely ugly. If you haven't already talked to a lawyer about this, I advise you to do so. They're better at predicting the odds of you getting your way on this.
I'm on the other side of this issue...my bf's soon-to-be-ex wants to take their kids out of state because she doesn't like this state, and she has relatives in another state. She has also threatened to move to the state where her online boyfriend lives. No way in hell is he going to stand by and let her do that; they're his kids too. Now that the divorce is pending she's not allowed to take the kids out of state without his consent, and he's going to add a residency restriction to the divorce. That's not something he's prepared to budge on. She's not happy about it, but sometimes you have to sacrifice your own desires for your childrens' best interests.
Also, you'd be surprised how often judges disregard a parent's child support payment history, probably because they don't feel that you should have to buy a relationship with your child. Yes, he SHOULD pay...but if he doesn't and you get to move the kid out of state, who suffers besides him? Your child.
I'm not saying that your situation is anything like his is. I'm just saying...be prepared for a fight if he's not wild about the idea of you leaving the state with his child.
i agree with most of the above too...we had to show my husband and I both had better jobs in the place we were moving, we had family here, and with the new situation, would be able to spend more time with the kids, no sitter. You really do need to show beyond a doubt that the move will be best for the little one.
and as the post above states, most judges will disregard if the noncust. isnt paying child support. My ex was several thousand behind, lost his licence, and jailed numerous times due to nonpayment, and we were told to not even bring it up.
I do think something that went in our favor, was that we took inititive on everything...requested mediation before the courts even mentioned it, (of course, it helped that we showed up, and he didnt) we did all the parenting classes (again, we did, he refused) we wrote and re-wrote the modifications and tried to keep things very fair to him. I think he ticked the judge off a bit when he demanded we pay for all the "entertainment and food" for any/all of his visitations!!! not to mention, of course, that if we moved, he felt he shouldnt have to pay any cs. sheesh. Anyhow, point is, you really will have to show best interest of the child, otherwise, youre not going in w/much of a chance. BTW, is there much chance of coming to an agreement amendment between the two of you? Or w/a impartial 3rd party?
good luck!
Tiffany
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