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Here's my wishful thinking update: Mom: Son, I have some news. Darling GF's father called and he asked us to tell you that you can no longer see his daughter. Son: Yeah, she texted me on Friday. Her parents are jerks but we decided to cool it anyway. Is there more of that chicken?
Any suggestions on how to handle this? I am livid that her parents dumped this on us (but it may be for the better because we can break it to him "gently").
Parenting really sucks sometimes...
I would just ask the parent, as they are calling 1) why are you calling me? I have no problem with my son seeing your daughter and therefore don't consider your input signficant.. . .
I will let my son know of your wishes, but I really don't plan on helping you enforce this. I will help them where possible.
Sorry for being away all weekend. I agree that some of the advice and comments were laughable. Some others posted amazing advice and seemed to truly understand the situation.
Update: We were going to wait until Sunday to tell him because Saturday was his birthday and, well it just sucks to get news like that one your birthday. However, circumstances were that we told him Saturday evening. He took it calmly, left the house crying (we had taken his car keys earlier in the day to prevent him from driving), came back after about 1/2 hour and sat on the front porch and talked with us. He is heartbroken, but seems to be dealing with it in a healthy way.
Counceling is not out of the question if we decide he needs someone neutral to talk to. I am going to check his phone online tonight to be sure he is not sending tons of txt and calls to her number.
Lunch break is over. Have to head back to work. Thank you everyone that really showed understanding and compassion...in times like this, it's appreciated more than you know .
I beg to differ...they could press charges against him for harassment, trespassing, stalking - a number of things if they wanted to, and they do sound like the kind of people who would be that extreme.
I just have to comment on this statement and others like it in this thread. People clearly have a pretty skewed view of how our legal system works. Individuals don't press charges. Prosecutors press charges if, and only if, a crime has been committed. Individuals can make police reports but it's not up to them to decide if it will lead to any criminal charges.
Calling your girlfriend or seeing your girlfriend is not harassment or stalking in any state regardless of what the parents think. The behavior has to be rather extreme, repeated and threatening, in general, in order for it to be considered harassment or stalking. If the boy goes onto the family's property without permission then, yes, it could be considered trespassing but unless it's repeated I highly doubt that any prosecutor is going to waste his time charging a juvenile who is clearly not a criminal.
Even if a prosecutor is overzealous he still has to follow the law and you can't make a few phone calls between two friends into harassment or stalking. The OP should not worry about her son being charged with a crime as long as he doesn't actually harass or stalk the girl.
Harass: (1): to annoy persistently (2): to create an unpleasant or hostile situation for especially by uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct
Stalking: (1) : Pursue or approach stealthily: "a cat stalking a bird" (2) : Harass or persecute (someone) with unwanted and obsessive attention: "the fan stalked the actor".
Update: We were going to wait until Sunday to tell him because Saturday was his birthday and, well it just sucks to get news like that one your birthday. However, circumstances were that we told him Saturday evening. He took it calmly, left the house crying (we had taken his car keys earlier in the day to prevent him from driving), came back after about 1/2 hour and sat on the front porch and talked with us. He is heartbroken, but seems to be dealing with it in a healthy way.
Counceling is not out of the question if we decide he needs someone neutral to talk to. I am going to check his phone online tonight to be sure he is not sending tons of txt and calls to her number.
Aw man... I feel bad for him. I don't know what to say, cuz there's nothing that can make the situation better for him. I hope he bounces back quickly.
I just have to comment on this statement and others like it in this thread. People clearly have a pretty skewed view of how our legal system works. Individuals don't press charges. Prosecutors press charges if, and only if, a crime has been committed. Individuals can make police reports but it's not up to them to decide if it will lead to any criminal charges.
Calling your girlfriend or seeing your girlfriend is not harassment or stalking in any state regardless of what the parents think. The behavior has to be rather extreme, repeated and threatening, in general, in order for it to be considered harassment or stalking. If the boy goes onto the family's property without permission then, yes, it could be considered trespassing but unless it's repeated I highly doubt that any prosecutor is going to waste his time charging a juvenile who is clearly not a criminal.
Even if a prosecutor is overzealous he still has to follow the law and you can't make a few phone calls between two friends into harassment or stalking. The OP should not worry about her son being charged with a crime as long as he doesn't actually harass or stalk the girl.
Harass: (1): to annoy persistently (2): to create an unpleasant or hostile situation for especially by uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct
Stalking: (1) : Pursue or approach stealthily: "a cat stalking a bird" (2) : Harass or persecute (someone) with unwanted and obsessive attention: "the fan stalked the actor".
I have a pretty good understanding that in this country when a girl (or her parents) accuse a boy of doing something even close to inappropriate, the boy is often considered guilty until he hires a lawyer to help prove his innocence.
Parents of sons are wise to protect their sons from false accusations which CAN AND DO sometimes lead to charges being filed against a young man by an overzealous parent or a girl and her parents with a skewed agenda. By "lead to" I am saying CAUSE THE CHARGES TO BE FILED.
Until you've known someone falsely accused of something you may have a hard time believing all the grief, trouble and costs something like this can bring.
In addition, even if these controlling parents don't succeed in getting criminal charges filed (which we all know individuals can't do themselves, but thanks for the attempt at a legal lesson) there is always civil court.
The point is, these parents COULD make a lot of trouble for this young man and his family, so it was wise of our OP to take the situation seriously.
Sorry for being away all weekend. I agree that some of the advice and comments were laughable. Some others posted amazing advice and seemed to truly understand the situation.
Update: We were going to wait until Sunday to tell him because Saturday was his birthday and, well it just sucks to get news like that one your birthday. However, circumstances were that we told him Saturday evening. He took it calmly, left the house crying (we had taken his car keys earlier in the day to prevent him from driving), came back after about 1/2 hour and sat on the front porch and talked with us. He is heartbroken, but seems to be dealing with it in a healthy way.
Counceling is not out of the question if we decide he needs someone neutral to talk to. I am going to check his phone online tonight to be sure he is not sending tons of txt and calls to her number.
Lunch break is over. Have to head back to work. Thank you everyone that really showed understanding and compassion...in times like this, it's appreciated more than you know .
Thanks for the update - been thinking of you and your family
Sounds like he is doing as well as a young man who has had his heartbroken can.
Times like this can bring about some soul growth and maturity for a young person. I am praying that is the case with your son and that he will bounce back without too much trouble.
Sorry for being away all weekend. I agree that some of the advice and comments were laughable. Some others posted amazing advice and seemed to truly understand the situation.
Update: We were going to wait until Sunday to tell him because Saturday was his birthday and, well it just sucks to get news like that one your birthday. However, circumstances were that we told him Saturday evening. He took it calmly, left the house crying (we had taken his car keys earlier in the day to prevent him from driving), came back after about 1/2 hour and sat on the front porch and talked with us. He is heartbroken, but seems to be dealing with it in a healthy way.
Counceling is not out of the question if we decide he needs someone neutral to talk to. I am going to check his phone online tonight to be sure he is not sending tons of txt and calls to her number.
Lunch break is over. Have to head back to work. Thank you everyone that really showed understanding and compassion...in times like this, it's appreciated more than you know .
After university they will have all the time in the world to destroy their lives. Until then, their only job is to study.
You must have missed my post way back toward the beginning where I mentioned that my son had a steady girlfriend in high school and they studied together a lot. She graduated from Stanford last year and he received two college scholarships for undergrad, graduated magna c#m laude (CD won't let me spell that middle word out), and is now completing his first year of graduate school. They stopped dating when they started college because they were too far apart, but they're STILL friends and talk on the phone occasionally.
And another thing I hadn't mentioned then is that because he is so comfortable around girls, he actually shared a 6 bedroom house two blocks from campus with 5 girls his last three years of college. He wasn't dating any of them; they had boyfriends that lived elsewhere. I met them all several times when I visited his school for concerts. Great bunch of young ladies, all very smart and one was elected to Phi Beta Kappa. I'm just as happy that my son gets along with the opposite sex so well that he can be friends with them like that as I am that he's successful in school.
Relating to the opposite sex is a long-term project, and I think it's undesirable to start on it as a naive beginner when everyone else has a 5-6 year head start.
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