Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thank you for all the responses. I am not trying to change him, just trying to find the best preschool situation for him. We don't tell him he is "shy," and I actually asked his teachers this year not to use that word. They did anyway. I suppose he was bound to hear it eventually. As for opportunities to be around other kids, he's been in preschool since he was 1 and been enrolled in dozens of classes, been taken to playgrounds and Little Gyms and My Gyms and this and that since he was born. None of this makes any difference and sometimes seems to make it worse - I only want him to be happy, and many of these activities have been stressful for him. I cannot find a way to help him - maybe because I also was terribly shy as a kid and still don't feel comfortable socializing. I can't really help him because I don't really know what to say or do myself!
In any case, I still don't know what's better - 3 days with younger kids or 5 days with older.
I would go for the 3 days with younger kids... mainly so he gets two days when he doesn't have the angst of trying to fit in or being social. I wonder too if being in dozens of classes, gyms and so in isn't doing more harm than good. The more they are presented with scenarios where they're made to realise they're not the same as other kids, the more it highlights (to the child) their differences and causes them angst. I had a very shy child. While I pushed her into some activities, I tried not to overdo it - and found she was much happier with play-dates with one or two other kids than she was with birthday parties and other multi-child events. She learned by degrees how to socialise.
She's adult now and - while she hates to be the centre of attention and prefers small groups to large groups - she can hold her own in any social situation.
Well you are asking for advice, then leaving only the above as an acceptable answer - not listening to other suggestions.
If you are shy yourself, then I should think you would be best to listen to advice from non-shy people? No?
Why not advice from other shy people?
In my opinion for a child who is shy, the most important thing is to make him accept his shyness and realize that shy people are actually very likeable. Kids very often like the shy kids -- they might not always notice them but the shy kids aren't the little show-offs and aren't brats and aren't mean.
Shy kids just have to come to terms with the fact that they are what they are and they don't like to make a scene so they have to approach everything in their own way. They never have to try to be the class clown, they can be happy in their own shy skins.
Also most shy people do just fine in life, they will find careers that suit them, they will have enough friends -- you don't need to be the life of every party to have your place in this life. My youngest was very very shy, wouldn't talk at all in school until 3rd grade, I discussed what shyness is and how at some point you just can't let it always get in your way, you can be shy all you want but don't let it stop you from doing what you really want to do.
I wouldn't say I was a shy child, but I really didn't want to be bothered with people most of the time. I never approached any kids or started any conversations, and would sit quietly until someone engaged me. I'm pretty much still the same way. I would only be concerned if he seems bothered by being alone or sad that he's not getting the attention other kids get. If he's content with it, he'll grow up to be just fine, learn to speak up when necessary but will be happier being in his own space.
I would say the 3 day a week option is better from the way you describe your son. Gives him time to enjoy his own company and being at home with you. He absolutely doesn't need to be anyplace where hitting and kicking is tolerated for any reason.
Being shy and lacking confidence are not the same thing, so..
OP, since you mention he is academically slightly ahead, I am going to suggest the older class. He won't get bored, he will be stimulated better and pick the school if you can envision him staying there until kindergarten, as in, see if you really like the school and the teachers. Another way to help him overcome his shyness is to provide a familiar consistent long term environment so that once he overcomes any initial inhibitions, he can move on to other things, kwim? Also in this regard going 5 days (even shorter hours) will help make friends, set a pattern, and so on.
Well you are asking for advice, then leaving only the above as an acceptable answer - not listening to other suggestions.
If you are shy yourself, then I should think you would be best to listen to advice from non-shy people? No?
Why? If she is shy herself than she understands the challenges.
I think that if the OP's son prefers a quieter, less social environment three days a week of school is fine for her child. He will go to school to learn how to function in a social environment, but he will also have down days.
I also think that in this circumstances it's more important for him to go only 3 days and having quiet time at home than to decide based on the ages of the classmates. In other words, I'd decide based on the number of days of school rather than the age of the other kids.
My son was and still is very shy. He made some very good friends in PK and now he is a happy 1st grader. See if your son likes something that really sparks his interest. My son loved dinosaurs...at 4 he could talk for hours about them...pronounce all the different ones...so when he went to PK he found "like minds"..boys love dinosaurs....check out this dvd set. Walking with Dinosaurs"...can buy used or the library might have it...then look at the "Nigel Marven" series from the BBC...really great for kids....now my son has moved onto Lego ..which he picked up from his buddies...he watches "Lego movies" on youtube (you have to monitor those...some of them are really violent), but many are made by other little kids...so you son might take an interest in that...plus he can learn to use his "eye to hand" coordination....
I was painfully shy as a child so I know what shy kids have to go through.....good luck...
I know that you didn't ask about the academics and the development side of things but would a class of younger 4s meet his needs academically and developmentally? If not, maybe sign him up for the older 4s and send him 3 days a week. Is that allowed?
I've never been shy and have a rambunctious outgoing kiddo but DH is shy. I will ask him what he thinks about your question and circle back. He was a shy boy like your kiddo so maybe he'll have insight.
Took my shy little one to a "cooperative preschool." To save on costs and mainly deal with my first born's shyness. Parents were the teachers aids and took turns. It helped her with her separation anxiety and she blossomed. Now she is a very social thirty four year old. Wish you well.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
