Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We have a family who we are not close with, but they are friends. We don't do much w/ them, but have been to the same neighborhood functions & our children are the same ages, in the same grades.
I have gone to afew "mom's night out" w/ this woman ( along w/ several others) and we find them ( parents) to be really nice people.
Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for their daughters , so our children do not do much together unless again, it is a neighborhood arranged activity or something for school, dance ,etc..
Their oldest especiallybis just not a nice girl. She is however, a very smart & sneaky girl who knows exactly when she should be putting on an act formher parents.
She is so nasty to my daughter and really only speaks to her when it is " necessary". When her other friends are around, it is as though my daughter does not exist.
The good thing is that my daughter doesn't care for her much ( because of the way she acts) & so she just kind of doesn't bother with her.
Unfortunately, the mom has been sick & they have needed to reach out to others this Summer for help. I have offered once or twice but they had many offers, so I really haven't done too much. Thry have now asked if we would mind taking their girls for a day because the dad will be out of town all day one day this week. My daughters really do not want to spend a day with their daughhters. "Pretending" to like each oher, knowing that the next day, they won't bother with them.
Our girls are only (7 & 11) so they don't really understand when I say we should just do it because it is the right thing to do, to help out, grin & bear it... They see it as them always having to be the "nice" ones.
I would love to help because it is he right thing to do & the parents are such nice people. I know they would be shocked to learn their girls can be so nasty. At the same time, it isn't fair for my girls to be treated the way they are.
I don't mean this in a smart aleck way, but at "what" age is it appropriate to teach children that sometimes we do things because it is the "right" thing to do and to help others?
I understand how it isn't fair to your own daughters, but if you can explain it to them as an instance of helping some one in need of help that is a good lesson to learn--no matter what age.
Use this as a teachable moment. If you are a religious person, you can this this to teach them what your faith says about helping those in need. Even if you're not religious, you obviously value helping others in need as the morally right thing to do. You can use this to teach that to your girls. As parents, we can talk to our kids until we're blue in the face. Nothing hits home though like an example and modeling the behavior we want our children to develop.
I would love to help because it is he right thing to do & the parents are
such nice people. I know they would be shocked to learn their girls can be so
nasty. At the same time, it isn't fair for my girls to be treated the way they
are.
Soo....the thing you can't decide is whether setting the example for your daughters is to do the right thing or to do the right thing only when there is no discomfort or inconvenience involved?
Why would the parents need to be told that their daughter is nasty? If you personally witness it, then handle it. Otherwise, the exrent of your involvement is to advise your own daughter on handling situations if she asks. To be honest though, you are only hearing your own daughter's side of the story. Your friend's daughters could very well be saying the very same thing about your own daughter. I always tried to keep that in mind when listening to kids (my own included).
Last edited by maciesmom; 08-18-2013 at 01:49 PM..
I would help. Talk to your girls about why. Sometimes in life you do have to grin and bear it. And sometimes you do things to help out those who need it. It's only one day.
Tell them to put themselves in the other girls shoes. I'm sure it's not easy having a mother who is sick and relying on others kindness to get through it.
^^^ I absolutely agree & I do think my 11 yr old understands to a point but she said to me" mom, I think it would be nice for us to help Mrs. N, but I just don't think it is fair I have to stay here & pretend to be friends w/ "Susie" when she is so mean to me" .
I kind of feel as though I am pushing her feelings aside to a point....
^^^ I absolutely agree & I do think my 11 yr old understands to a point but she said to me" mom, I think it would be nice for us to help Mrs. N, but I just don't think it is fair I have to stay here & pretend to be friends w/ "Susie" when she is so mean to me" .
I kind of feel as though I am pushing her feelings aside to a point....
"Mom, I think you should help Mrs. N as long as I don't have to be put in an uncomfortable position."
That's when the lesson is, our own feelings aren't always the most important things going on. I don't think that 7 and 11 are too young to understand this at all. People learn what they live, they don't just turn a certain age one day and just get it
Last edited by maciesmom; 08-18-2013 at 01:46 PM..
Why can't you and your girls go to their home for the day? That way you can help their Mother or just be there if she needs anything and you can keep an eye on all the girls in their own home.
Since it's only for one day, I'd consider an outing - that way, the focus isn't so much on the girls having to hang out being bored. If it's only just them, without the excess friends, you never know, they might even get along.
I'd help, and explain to your girls that doing the right thing isn't always pleasant.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
