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My third daughter is 15, the other two are adults now. I had this problem briefly with my second daughter, the other two were/are easy to get up and get going.
I thought about it logically and approached it in the same manner.
First, if she is having such a hard time getting up in the morning then she needs to go to bed earlier, so her bedtime was pushed up 30 minutes earlier than it had been. That made it an hour earlier than her older sister and she hated that! Also, she had to pick out her clothes and lay them out before bed in addition to getting her things together in her back pack for school.
Second, if she is having a hard time falling asleep, then her room needed to be devoid of things that are distracting. The only thing that could be in her room was her radio/alarm clock and the radio could be on. She didn't have a cell phone, but that would have been the first to go.
Third, having a hard time getting up meant that she obviously needed help getting up. I gave her 5 minutes past her alarm sounding the first time before I came in and woke her up myself, which she despised terribly. I turned on the overhead light which was very bright, turned off her music and I let the dog in to jump all over her.
Fourth, I walked back in after 5 minutes to check to make sure she was actually out of the bed.
It didn't take long for the last two things to trump everything else. She absolutely did NOT want me waking her up like that. She felt it was abrupt and put her in a horrible mood. Plus, she did NOT want me walking in and embarrassing her to find her half dressed on the occasion she actually did get out of bed when I left. So, she began to make sure she really did wake up when her alarm went off and she took her clothes in the bathroom when she went in to potty and put them on in there.
Pretty soon she decided the best way to avoid the 'brutal' wake up by mom was to get herself up early enough to shower and wake up on her terms. This made her mood much better in the mornings and she was able to be ready on time. She hated getting up in the morning period, but the shower made such a huge difference.
This took about 2 weeks to fully accomplish and once she was in the better routine and no longer an issue getting up, her bedtime and routine became a little more flexible and was a non issue.
Today she is a high school math teacher and school starts at 7:30. She gets up at 5:30 in order to be there before 7:00 and absolutely loves being an early bird in the mornings. (now she just gets cranky if she hasn't eaten dinner by 6 PM because she is ready for bed by 9 PM at the latest! LOL)
She could have taken a bus to high school, but she would have been one of the first ones on meaning she would have been on there for an hour and a half or so. Instead I could take her, she could get an extra 45+ minutes of sleep and we could have some good talks in the car on the way to school. (Once her moods allowed for it anyway) :-)
My third daughter is 15, the other two are adults now. I had this problem briefly with my second daughter, the other two were/are easy to get up and get going.
I thought about it logically and approached it in the same manner.
First, if she is having such a hard time getting up in the morning then she needs to go to bed earlier, so her bedtime was pushed up 30 minutes earlier than it had been. That made it an hour earlier than her older sister and she hated that! Also, she had to pick out her clothes and lay them out before bed in addition to getting her things together in her back pack for school.
Second, if she is having a hard time falling asleep, then her room needed to be devoid of things that are distracting. The only thing that could be in her room was her radio/alarm clock and the radio could be on. She didn't have a cell phone, but that would have been the first to go.
Third, having a hard time getting up meant that she obviously needed help getting up. I gave her 5 minutes past her alarm sounding the first time before I came in and woke her up myself, which she despised terribly. I turned on the overhead light which was very bright, turned off her music and I let the dog in to jump all over her.
Fourth, I walked back in after 5 minutes to check to make sure she was actually out of the bed.
It didn't take long for the last two things to trump everything else. She absolutely did NOT want me waking her up like that. She felt it was abrupt and put her in a horrible mood. Plus, she did NOT want me walking in and embarrassing her to find her half dressed on the occasion she actually did get out of bed when I left. So, she began to make sure she really did wake up when her alarm went off and she took her clothes in the bathroom when she went in to potty and put them on in there.
Pretty soon she decided the best way to avoid the 'brutal' wake up by mom was to get herself up early enough to shower and wake up on her terms. This made her mood much better in the mornings and she was able to be ready on time. She hated getting up in the morning period, but the shower made such a huge difference.
This took about 2 weeks to fully accomplish and once she was in the better routine and no longer an issue getting up, her bedtime and routine became a little more flexible and was a non issue.
Today she is a high school math teacher and school starts at 7:30. She gets up at 5:30 in order to be there before 7:00 and absolutely loves being an early bird in the mornings. (now she just gets cranky if she hasn't eaten dinner by 6 PM because she is ready for bed by 9 PM at the latest! LOL)
She could have taken a bus to high school, but she would have been one of the first ones on meaning she would have been on there for an hour and a half or so. Instead I could take her, she could get an extra 45+ minutes of sleep and we could have some good talks in the car on the way to school. (Once her moods allowed for it anyway) :-)
This is kind of where we are right now. I took her phone with me when I went to bed this week which is usually around 9 because I get up super early. She is definitely on the teenage clock and stays up later than we do, but at least she doesn't have the phone to distract her. I'm going to give the phone back but told her that it has to be off by 10 or I'll take it again. She said she wants to give it to me while she's doing her homework because it's a distraction and causes her to drag out her homework.
Like your daughter, she hates to be woken up abruptly, but I told her last night that if she doesn't get up with the alarm, I have no choice but to go in and wake her myself. She got up with the alarm clock today, but we'll see if she continues to do so.
I don't mind taking her to school at all, but I just want to leave on time. Like you said, it's a good chance to talk and if she's in a good mood, she often tells me things that are going on with her and her friends.
I read your post again OP, but the following her to school part renders a slight feeling of disturbance. I can understand you want to protect her from predators but following her discretely as she walks to school just defeats the purpose of starting to walk to school, which is a responsibility and a newfound level of trust. If she is doing well in school, than she already has the necessary intrinsic motivation to procure an excellent education, and most likely aware of the various infractions that may occur if truancy is committed.
And while there may a sexual perpitrator in your area, molestation is not very common. People just think it is common because of the advent of mass media and "sexual predator locator apps/websites" A sexual predator is not going to approach your daughter on a large, populated city street and just snatch your daughter away. The chance of her being kidnapped by a predator is very low.
Edit: And a three-mile walk is not very long or difficult at all (maybe it was because I was on cross country when I was in high school). It's about the length of a few football fields. If I couldn't walk three miles, I would probably be out of shape. If she walks six miles every day going to and going home from school, imagine how fit she would be!
If she walked to school every day, I certainly wouldn't follow her. I was uneasy with my decision yesterday and that was how I made my peace with it.
As I've said in some other posts, I don't mind taking her to school at all, but I just want to leave on time. For some reason, driving in the car, even for a short distance, sparks good conversations.
She got up on time today and we'll see what happens in the coming weeks.
I apologize but I cannot read the entire thread so maybe this has already been covered.
What time is she getting to bed. if she gets to bed at a decent hour she should be able to wake up and get going in time to either ride with you or catch the bus. And when she "goes to bed" does she hang out on Facebook or play computer games or talk on the phone?
I think it is time for some tough love.
Tell her you are leaving the house at exactly xyz and she better be ready. if she isn't she will be stuck at home all day, be counted absent-unexcused- and better have something to show for how she spent her day. No phone, visitors, etc. See how she likes that. She is way too old to be so irresponsible about getting to school on time. Let her know she will not be able to drag into college classes or work 10-15 minutes late and that kind of tardiness makes co workers angry and bitter.
Years ago we had to take in a young person(15) because of family circumstances. Her mother told me to do whatever I felt necessary to get her child to comply with our house rules. She came from a home with no rules.
I told her she had to have lights out no later than 11 every school night and be ready to catch a ride to school at a certain time every morning. I got her an alarm clock. She dilly dallied and was late the first 3 days. On the 4th day I waved her ride on when she wasn't ready and refused to wake up my babies to lug to the car to take her to school.
She was furious and called her mother in a snit. Mom racked me over the coals and said getting the kid to school should be my priority. I told her the kid should make it her priorityto be ready when her ride got there and that was part of her problem. She was relying on her mother to do what she should be doing herself. After that the kid was ready and sometimes even early. The rest of her stay with us went very well and I sent home a kid who learned a little bit of self reliance and maturity.
Funny .. I used to do that to myself as a teenager. I knew how easily I'd turn off 10 alarms if they were right next to me. At one point, I even had two around my room so I'd get up and walk twice just in case. Girls take long to get ready. I knew I needed that time, or I'd go to school wearing a potato sack.
Momtothree has great advice. Don't let her get away with you just leaving. Force her to get a routine together now. The earlier she gets in the habit of being responsible in the morning to herself and her obligations, the easier it will be as she goes through to college and/or a career.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Warsie
No, given people can choose their class times and therefore....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00
Not always, I remember taking a few classes that were only offered at 8am.
I know that I had many 8 AM classes that were required and only offered at that time.
And, it gets you ready for the job market. You can't tell your new boss, "Sorry, but I won't be on time most mornings because I like to sleep late amd sometimes it takes longer to fix my hair or to get dressed." Well, I suppose that you can tell your new boss that but he/she probably won't be your boss for very long before you get fired.
This is kind of where we are right now. I took her phone with me when I went to bed this week which is usually around 9 because I get up super early. She is definitely on the teenage clock and stays up later than we do, but at least she doesn't have the phone to distract her. I'm going to give the phone back but told her that it has to be off by 10 or I'll take it again. She said she wants to give it to me while she's doing her homework because it's a distraction and causes her to drag out her homework.
Like your daughter, she hates to be woken up abruptly, but I told her last night that if she doesn't get up with the alarm, I have no choice but to go in and wake her myself. She got up with the alarm clock today, but we'll see if she continues to do so.
I don't mind taking her to school at all, but I just want to leave on time. Like you said, it's a good chance to talk and if she's in a good mood, she often tells me things that are going on with her and her friends.
You could move up the time you have to leave so she has to get started earlier, I agree that letting her walk could create problems, it may stress you too much until you know she's safe at school and like someone said, that invites others to offer her rides and you may not want that. I also agree with using drivers ed as a carrot.
Or sit down and explain that driving her is making you be too late at work and that the bus would work better for you. Make sure you savor the moments, if she's 16 already, the time you have left raising her is going to fly by. Soon you won't have to go through any of this.
There are problems here. You need to talk about this, away from home, maybe go to breakfast Sunday am, ask what is happening at school, ask if she is depressed, or bullied, okay, if she is not, ask if she feels depressed, make this ALL about her...she will probably just put you off....then, make it about you....and having a job, and having to be to work on time, and what you can do as a team to make that happen, and what you will do if she is not ready.
There are some attitude problems here....because when I told my kids it was time to go, they hit the door....
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I knew how easily I'd turn off 10 alarms if they were right next to me. At one point, I even had two around my room so I'd get up and walk twice just in case. Girls take long to get ready. I knew I needed that time, or I'd go to school wearing a potato sack.
