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Bottom line ~ there is NOTHING that would prevent me from seeing my kid. Nothing.
So I cannot understand what would enable someone to walk away.
I agree. My dad left when my mum was 7-mos pregnant with her 7th child when I was 7. As the oldest girl, at 8, she handed me a baby & never took her back, saying I had to be the mum now, as she needed to work & be the dad.
We never once saw dad again. He never paid $1 in child support for any of his 7 children. He never called. He never sent a b'day card. He died a millionaire, while we grew up on gov't food, living in dangerous 'hoods in awful flats. As a baby raising a baby, I did a better job than he ever did. To this day, my sister is more my daughter... she lived with me 'til I was 30. If someone caused her harm, this 120-lb girl would rip them apart limb from limb.
To me, the epitome of unmasculinity is abandoning your child. Those who say they give their child quality time & see him/her once/mo or every other weekend & child support needs to be dragged out of them on an irregular basis, are cowards. Some take better care of their cars & dogs than their kids. Would you father a 3-mo old & leave it unprotected in the streets? That's exactly how your child feels when a weak coward says it's too hard for him to deal with the ex & walks out, then doesn't come back because mum's hostile, she'll just spend the child support (then bring over a bag of groceries, fool, or take the children school clothes shopping or for an ice cream), it's too hard (you made the kids, feed them, teach them, nurture them, let them know they're important & have a purpose).
I recall when my always ragefully angry & frustrated mum screamed at us kids, 'He left me, not you!' Oh, how wrong she was. A man who abandons his children is worthless & by doing so makes his children feel the same, everyday.
Don't worry... I'll get over it any day now.
At very least, MY little one is fine, happy, healthy, married & has a pampered one of her own. And, yes, she's mine... not his.
In our Divorce I had visitation at her convenience and it was never convenient for her and when I did see my children she would have me arrested under false charges. It got to the point it wasn't worth trying to see them.
Yes I paid my Child Support as matter fact I was paying two years on one that I shouldn't of had because he was in prison. But I hadn't seen them for 15 years, just by chance I had a Doctors appointment hundreds of miles away from where I had lived but one of my Children had a Doctors appointment at the same time and place. I didn't recognize this child but my present wife did, she found when their next appointment was and we made sure we was there.
Bad thing is we were apart so long we have our own lives and are strangers and it just isn't working out.
A father who never tries to have a relationship with his own children because of a divorce sounds like a father who is not worthy of the title anyway, and it's probably best to let him go on about his business and not give the kids false hope. I would never feel it's okay for a mother to badmouth the kids father to them, but I don't think I would be going out of my way to make him be a father either. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to, doesn't deserve to, and is not going to. A child knows when a parent's heart isn't really in something. I think it may be best for them to accept it and move on the best way they can, rather than constantly wait in vain and hope against hope that their dad may actually want to be a father to them some day.
I agree. My dad left when my mum was 7-mos pregnant with her 7th child when I was 7. As the oldest girl, at 8, she handed me a baby & never took her back, saying I had to be the mum now, as she needed to work & be the dad.
We never once saw dad again. He never paid $1 in child support for any of his 7 children. He never called. He never sent a b'day card. He died a millionaire, while we grew up on gov't food, living in dangerous 'hoods in awful flats. As a baby raising a baby, I did a better job than he ever did. To this day, my sister is more my daughter... she lived with me 'til I was 30. If someone caused her harm, this 120-lb girl would rip them apart limb from limb.
To me, the epitome of unmasculinity is abandoning your child. Those who say they give their child quality time & see him/her once/mo or every other weekend & child support needs to be dragged out of them on an irregular basis, are cowards. Some take better care of their cars & dogs than their kids. Would you father a 3-mo old & leave it unprotected in the streets? That's exactly how your child feels when a weak coward says it's too hard for him to deal with the ex & walks out, then doesn't come back because mum's hostile, she'll just spend the child support (then bring over a bag of groceries, fool, or take the children school clothes shopping or for an ice cream), it's too hard (you made the kids, feed them, teach them, nurture them, let them know they're important & have a purpose).
I recall when my always ragefully angry & frustrated mum screamed at us kids, 'He left me, not you!' Oh, how wrong she was. A man who abandons his children is worthless & by doing so makes his children feel the same, everyday.
Don't worry... I'll get over it any day now.
At very least, MY little one is fine, happy, healthy, married & has a pampered one of her own. And, yes, she's mine... not his.
A father who never tries to have a relationship with his own children because of a divorce sounds like a father who is not worthy of the title anyway, and it's probably best to let him go on about his business and not give the kids false hope. I would never feel it's okay for a mother to badmouth the kids father to them, but I don't think I would be going out of my way to make him be a father either. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to, doesn't deserve to, and is not going to. A child knows when a parent's heart isn't really in something. I think it may be best for them to accept it and move on the best way they can, rather than constantly wait in vain and hope against hope that their dad may actually want to be a father to them some day.
In our Divorce I had visitation at her convenience and it was never convenient for her and when I did see my children she would have me arrested under false charges. It got to the point it wasn't worth trying to see them.
Yes I paid my Child Support as matter fact I was paying two years on one that I shouldn't of had because he was in prison. But I hadn't seen them for 15 years, just by chance I had a Doctors appointment hundreds of miles away from where I had lived but one of my Children had a Doctors appointment at the same time and place. I didn't recognize this child but my present wife did, she found when their next appointment was and we made sure we was there.
Bad thing is we were apart so long we have our own lives and are strangers and it just isn't working out.
brushrunner
Well, at least you can blame everything on the ex-wife.
I think its their ego- 1- the relationship failed and you kid are reminding me of it somehow and I can't get past that to just love you----2--its too hard----- 3--and hate facing that Bia$$**&^ everytime I want to see my child.. 4 alot of the mom's do this to thier own kids, -keep the father away...5- the other dude is there now-- territory is his... growl---
I think its their ego- 1- the relationship failed and you kid are reminding me of it somehow and I can't get past that to just love you----2--its too hard----- 3--and hate facing that Bia$$**&^ everytime I want to see my child.. 4 alot of the mom's do this to thier own kids, -keep the father away...5- the other dude is there now-- territory is his... growl---
Yes, TT, it's all that. In the cases I've seen, I think it's mainly guilt & selfishness as a secondary cause. In those I've known (I didn't say all, only those I've known), dad cheated, left because the new p*g was pregnant or jealous & didn't want him to give time to his family (thereby dad has an easy excuse... it's not him, it's the new gf/wife), & every time he had to face the ex/wife & children he abandoned, he felt like the low-life schlub he is.
Or, he never cared about or loved anyone but himself to begin with... whenever I hear a divorced man say 'she got pregnant' or 'her kids', I run for the hills. She got pregnant? You mean, you weren't even in the room when it happened? So, Angel Gabriel visited then?
And, yes, if a woman abandons her husband/kids, it's equally as horrendous. Personally, I've never seen that, I've only read about it. I have seen a lot of single moms who never married & the kids stay home alone or with sitters whilst she's out socializing, but that seems to be the younger generations (from what I've personally seen). It should be very, very difficult to have a child. Can't they make non-working naughty bits, only enabled once a plethora of courses are passed & a degree is obtained... by BOTH parents?
I stated very clearly in the first post that I was NOT talking about circumstances where mom pushes dad out of the relationship with the kids.
I appreciate all the responses that have been on topic and well thought out. I don't appreciate the handful of posts that have tried to turn this into "It's all the ex-wife's fault!" That's not the topic at hand. Thanks.
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