Who would you side with? Am I being selfish and immature? (child, grandpa)
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I haven't read all of the comments but yes, you are being selfish and immature. I love to travel as well, but realize that my children come first. I do plan on traveling with them once they're old enough... But until then, any kind of plans are on hold.
Bringing a child into this world is a huge obligation and not one to be taken lightly.
Extended periods of time away from your child between the ages of 6 months and 3 years (ie: more than 48 hours) can result in Reactive Attachment Disorder which could damage your relationship with your child permanently, as well as your child's relationship with others.
I really hope your state of mind changes after baby arrives! Good luck to you!
Based on what I'm reading on the mayo clinic site far more needs to occur to result in Reactive Attachment Disorder. A baby coming from an otherwise loving home isn't going to entirely flip over 48hrs. OTOH, I can see how waking up in a foreign home, with relative strangers, could scare the crap out of a baby. This might result in some kind of temporary insecurity and increased levels of stress hormone. RAD is more so due to complete neglect as I understand it.
Whoa...RAD! OK, can we get back to discussing whether OP is being selfish, if traveling is off limits as parents, and/or if one's life ends with children. These are broad enough topics within the scope of the OP. We are venturing way off here...
Ok then - OP isn't being selfish, she's just having normal first time parent worries, travelling is not off-limit as parents and our lives don't end when we have children instead, in a way, they actually begin.
Whoa...RAD! OK, can we get back to discussing whether OP is being selfish, if traveling is off limits as parents, and/or if one's life ends with children. These are broad enough topics within the scope of the OP. We are venturing way off here...
Thanks!
Discussing the possibility/impossibility of RAD is within the scope of the OP's defined topics.
She specifically asked if leaving her child for 10 days could harm her child mentally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thewitchisback
Can someone tell me what would happen if my husband and I left a let's say 6 month old baby with their very responsible, capable grandparents for 10 days? Would that harm the child mentally in some way?
It is totally absolutely necessary to travel kids-free SEVERAL times a year to maintain your sanity and enjoyment of life, if you have good close relatives to leave your baby with. Our kids are our blood suckers, and we need time to regain our strenght. When they are 4-5 years old, it becomes much more fun traveling together, but better wait till they are 7-8.
I haven't read all of the comments but yes, you are being selfish and immature. I love to travel as well, but realize that my children come first. I do plan on traveling with them once they're old enough... But until then, any kind of plans are on hold.
Bringing a child into this world is a huge obligation and not one to be taken lightly.
Extended periods of time away from your child between the ages of 6 months and 3 years (ie: more than 48 hours) can result in Reactive Attachment Disorder which could damage your relationship with your child permanently, as well as your child's relationship with others.
I really hope your state of mind changes after baby arrives! Good luck to you!
That you would bring RAD into this discussion turns my stomach and really makes me angry. I would suggest that you do a bit more research on RAD before coming here to fear monger. In the OP's case, leaving her child in the care of a grandparent for more than 48 hours is most likely not going to cause RAD. Please go and read some heartbreaking accounts of actual RAD---they are heartbreaking for everyone involved.
Brought to you from a parent who actually does have a child diagnosed with RAD from spending almost 4 frickin' years in an orphanage. Thank goodness we don't have a severe case but it is there and we've had to deal with many attachment issues. Other parents have had it waaaay harder than us. That is why I'm disgusted that you would bring this up in the OP's case.
It is totally absolutely necessary to travel kids-free SEVERAL times a year to maintain your sanity and enjoyment of life, if you have good close relatives to leave your baby with. Our kids are our blood suckers, and we need time to regain our strenght. When they are 4-5 years old, it becomes much more fun traveling together, but better wait till they are 7-8.
I'm not saying I want to travel all year round. Just a couple nice child free trips once or twice a year (at most). So it is hard to reconcile myself to the fact that this wouldn't be able to happen.
Why wouldn't it happen? My parents shipped us off to our grandparents' house once my sister was old enough for kindergarten, for a couple weeks every summer while they travelled. Once we were old enough for summer camp, that's where we were, with the grandparents being "first to call" in emergencies while the parents were travelling. We had a fantastic childhood, grew up very close to our parents AND our extended family on my mom's and dad's side, had our own adventures at camp, our parents were happy because they got a couple weeks off without the kids every year to be adults instead of "mommy and daddy" 24/7. We learned a bit of independence from our parents, and grew up to be capable independent adults who still enjoyed the closeness of family.
No one's saying you can't ever let your kids out of sight forever. No one's saying you're doomed to an eternal life of mommyhood. You'll just have to put off Paris for a few years, and accept that the trip might only be 2 weeks instead of a month. Not a big deal. It's something normal adults who do NOT have children have to deal with too, because in most working environments, no matter how many weeks of vacation you get from the boss, you still can't take more than 2 weeks at a time.
Don't forget also, there's always a 3-day weekend if your parents are up for a long weekend with the grandkids. A local "vacation" away from the kids is usually doable.
There's no shame in wanting a vacation away from your kids. There's also no shame in the kids wanting a vacation away from their parents. It's part and parcel of childhood, and adulthood.
It's only selfish if you think that the only choices are motherhood, OR having fun, and you're regretting motherhood as a result. THEN, it's selfish. Because you're choosing to only see two options and rejecting anything inbetween. The mature, adult person would see all the options.
As I said I have a strong sense of duty...so I will fully care for everything the child needs. A parent's duty is to take care of their child. Hence the sadness that I know I cannot go on trips and keep that part of my old lifestyle. I'm not actually going to go to Paris ...if I were I wouldn't be feeling sad about my fake planned out Paris trip. Am I not allowed to feel sad about it?
Yes my child was planned but can't I feel sad still about my movements being restricted by them? Should I just ignore those feelings?
No, it's totally OK to dream and plan. Your life is not over because you have kids, and whoever thinks it is must be a really boring parent.
You can bring your kids on vacations or leave them with relatives for a week. But I would wait until your child is a year old.
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