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I grew up in a household where guns were always present. Not just one or two, but dozens.
My father was in the military and part of his job was being a firearms instructor.
He started taking us (I had 2 older sisters) to the range at 3 or 4 years old.
The firearms in our house were rarely under lock and key. We knew better than to pick one up and play with it. The only time I can recall ever picking up a firearm without my father being present was when I was 11 and there was a copperhead snake next to the back porch.Took me 2 shots, but I killed it. Also bruised the hell out of my shoulder. (shoulda grabbed the .22 instead of the 12 gauge. OUCH!)
Maybe because firearms were so naturally around all the time they didn't hold any type of mystique for us. Going to the range on a Saturday morning was fun....for a while. After a while, it became sort of...drudgery, lol. I would have much rather sat home and watched Saturday morning cartoons!
When I became a teen...well, it was almost embarrassing. Do you know how many teen boys were scared off because of my dads prominently displayed gun collection? Yeah. Not many second dates for us!
When I left home, I had my *protector*, a small derringer I mainly carried in my purse. Other than that, I didn't have guns around. Later, I even got rid of the derringer. Neither of my sisters had guns.
My kids did grow up with guns around (thanks to Grandpa!). None of them became fascinated with them or played with them.
I have a grandson now. His dad (my son) takes him fishing and target shooting and hopes to take him hunting when he is old enough. My grandson (my son says) seems almost bored when they go target shooting. And never tries to play with the guns.
I don't know. I guess my families rather comfortable and casual attitude towards firearms in the house would horrify most people. No locked cabinets, no gunlocks. Ammo available nearby. Knew how to load them, too.
My husband, who just retired from the military was brought up in a *hippie* family. His parents wouldn't even let him have a squirt gun! No violent movies! Took him to peace protests.
He has a gun collection that rivals what my dad had. He is THE most pro gun person you would ever want to meet. He has told me it is his dream to own a cannon. (Don't worry, I found him one online....the price scared him off!)
I think it might not matter how many firearms a kid is exposed to. For me...meh...guns are not a big deal. Just one thing more I have to dust around here, lol. For my husband...guns are a very big deal.
All of my kids have firearms (they are all adults now). Mainly for hunting and target shooting.
Never had a parent ask if we had firearms before they let their kids come over to play.
Maybe it was that we mainly lived in military neighborhoods and later in rural areas.
Yeah, that was a good one. All the "education" and "exposure" in the world doesn't matter because sometimes "kids will be kids." It's up to parents keep their weapons secured, because just because your kid is responsible around guns, doesn't mean all kids are.
To answer both of you at once, no. I never asked about texting, and I never asked about prescription drugs. As I already said, my three are all in their 20's, and neither of those things were on my radar when they were younger.
I will say, however, that I was pretty diligent about knowing the parents of my sons' friends. And there were a couple that I just didn't feel comfortable hosting one of my own.
It's entirely possible that they lied to me about being gun owners. I don't think they did, but they could have. I think it offered some measure of awareness by even asking. If you own a gun, what have you done to secure it?
We had a few "attractive nuisances" of our own, in that we've had pools and motorized go-carts. I never allowed visiting kids to use them until I spoke to the parents. I expected the same of other parents.
I don't disagree with being diligent about knowing where your kids are going and whom they are spending time around. I think that's pretty important stuff (I have 4 kids in highschool this year )
I think that having a general feel for the people your friends hang out with is sufficient but I respect your position to ask the question.
I'm just noting that the media makes that particular threat, which is let's face a "sexy ratings grabber" when it occurs, seem to be bigger problem than it really is. Kinda like shark attacks. Car accident deaths are common enough not to get heavy coverage and things like OD's are taboo and not ratings grabbers....drownings get some press but just so-so.
Then you throw those against the constant backdrop of urban gang drug related gun violence which represents something like 75% of US gun deaths....and it kinda get's mixed in with the accidental component. I mean, I used to live in Chicago and to outsiders reading stories about the city you'd think it's a war zone when it's really quite safe.
The point has been made several times and I think its worth repeating. The main thing is getting to know the people where your children play. If you take time to have at least a casual relationship with them you are better able to judge their ability to provide a safe and healthy atmosphere for play. Keep the lines of communication open so you know what's going on.
I think that's more important than trying to figure out all the specific things that may hurt a child and asking about them. Especially if no relationship has been established first.
And the same goes for your children. Have an open enough relationship with them that they aren't hesitant to talk to you about what they may have seen or heard at someone else's house. A common sense discussion without a parent over-reacting or becoming panicky helps. Sometimes kids keep secrets because they are afraid the parent will storm over to the friend's house and cause problems that the child prefers to handle himself.
My kids ended up in a few bad situations over the years that were unforeseen. And so we talked about them when they came home. I was pretty upset but I kept my focus on the child. How did he feel? What would he have done differently? Would he like me to help? I did my best to turn it into a learning experience.
For instance, your post comes across as very confrontational. Were you to ask someone about guns in the house, I imagine they either wouldn't answer or would ask you to leave, since it would come off as sounding almost like you want to pick a fight about it.
While you could always ease into it, keep in mind that even responsible gun owners have been vilified to the point that they may not want to answer, or may not answer truthfully. You're already asking an uneasy question and the last thing you'd want the other person to do is feel attacked.
Your kidding right? I'm not going to barge in demanding to know if a person has a gun and demand their permits, BUT if I say "hey, I'm curious, do you own a gun, do you keep it locked up and the bullets separate?" and then the guy tells me "I don't have a gun" but I found out he's LYING, how am I supposed to react? "Oh he lied, it's cool!" How is asking "do you own a gun?" an uneasy question? Asking "do you own a ***** how, often do you use it" that's an uneasy question. There's no shame in owning a gun.
Responsible gun owners are not afraid to say "yes I have a gun, yes I keep it locked up, yes the bullets are separated and nobody knows where the key is except me and my wife." Or whatever.
BTW I'm not even anti-gun, I've shot guns, I've taken gun safety courses, I've handled ALL SORTS of guns, worked in law enforcement for 4 years, I still think gun safety is a priority. I have seen too many accidental gun deaths... It's not a joke to me. If a parent tells me he doesn't own a gun and something happens to my child cuz of his negligence how do you go back from that?
And teaching your kids to stay away from guns... ha, like anytime your parents told you to not do something you listened? That's what kids do! They don't listen!
I do know for myself I'm going to do my best to get to know the people my children want to be around, their friends parents, etc. And if I suspect they own a gun, of course I'm going to ask what they are doing to keep it safe. If I think they aren't being forthcoming then my kid just won't get to be around them.
Do you have a standard questionnaire about safe conduct that you use when ascertaining if the parents of your kids' friends are gonna be "safe." As I am sure you know acting safe brings a lot more into play than simply guns.
Would you mind posting your comprehensive safety question list. I am sure to many it would by useful to many.
Thanks in advance
When my brother was young, he went over to a pool party and almost drowned because the "responsible adults" were too busy getting drunk to pay attention. Even though my mom was ASSURED by the parents they would watch him because he wasn't a good swimmer. My mom happened to come by early to pick him up and found him in the pool and had to JUMP in, pull him out, and perform CPR. So yeah, it's not far fetched to want to know how your child is going to be watched when you aren't around.
So yeah, if I take my kid over to your house, or you are taking him with you and other kids to some place, say a theme park, it's NOT far fetched for me to say "so how many adults will there be watching the kids?" and so on. I TRUST the parents to watch over my kid when they say they will (just as I would do my best to watch over their kid and keep them safe).
Your kidding right? I'm not going to barge in demanding to know if a person has a gun and demand their permits, BUT if I say "hey, I'm curious, do you own a gun, do you keep it locked up and the bullets separate?" and then the guy tells me "I don't have a gun" but I found out he's LYING, how am I supposed to react? "Oh he lied, it's cool!" How is asking "do you own a gun?" an uneasy question? Asking "do you own a ***** how, often do you use it" that's an uneasy question. There's no shame in owning a gun.
Responsible gun owners are not afraid to say "yes I have a gun, yes I keep it locked up, yes the bullets are separated and nobody knows where the key is except me and my wife." Or whatever.
BTW I'm not even anti-gun, I've shot guns, I've taken gun safety courses, I've handled ALL SORTS of guns, worked in law enforcement for 4 years, I still think gun safety is a priority. I have seen too many accidental gun deaths... It's not a joke to me. If a parent tells me he doesn't own a gun and something happens to my child cuz of his negligence how do you go back from that?
And teaching your kids to stay away from guns... ha, like anytime your parents told you to not do something you listened? That's what kids do! They don't listen!
I do know for myself I'm going to do my best to get to know the people my children want to be around, their friends parents, etc. And if I suspect they own a gun, of course I'm going to ask what they are doing to keep it safe. If I think they aren't being forthcoming then my kid just won't get to be around them.
You've got your head in the sand if you think gun ownership isn't a fraught and volatile subject. Lots of responsible gun owners don't discuss their guns for a variety of reasons.
Just ask if there are any weapons or peanut butter in the house.
If the peanut butter is secured, my kid can go
If the guns are there, regardless of secured, f them gun nutters. can't trust kids or adults. They can come over to my house.
same with a pool. . of course. at least until my kids can swim.
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