The post I never wanted to make but knew I would (daycare, parent)
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The OP and her daughter can't be compared to Jersey and Jersey's daughter. Jersey's daughter was being a responsible young adult attending college while living at home causing her mother no problems. The OP's daughter was being very irresponsible to the point CD members encouraged her to kick her out of the house. She hasn't been responsible and has managed to become homeless in the process. I can understand not wanting to allow the daughter back home. It would be a step backwards. It would be enabling.
BUT it's wrong to draw the line at adoption or nothing. Ivory should help the daughter find housing via providing her with first month's rent and security deposit. She needs to be placed in a position where she has a chance to succeed. The fact she finally got a job is an indication that this pregnancy is a wake up call for her. The pregnancy and baby might be the very thing that inspires her to pull her life together. Ivory needs to step up and help her daughter get an apartment. Then she can sit back and let her daughter figure it out.
Um, didn't I say we need to find her a place to live?
I haven't read all the pages yet so somebody may have already said this stuff.
If she's an unarmed guard, she can pick up the phone to call the cops just as well pregnant as she could if she wasn't pregnant. That's all they're trained to do, call the police if they see something suspicious. Most security companies tell you really clearly during training that you are only to observe and report. I've known people who worked security until the day before they delivered their babies. If she has to stand up for her entire shift, she may get uncomfortable toward the end of the pregnancy.
She's going to need to get on Medicaid so that she can get prenatal care. The easiest way to do it probably is going to a free pregnancy testing clinic, where they will help her apply for Medicaid and find her a doctor to go to.
Once she has Medicaid, she can get WIC which will provide some healthy foods for her during the pregnancy, and formula for the baby if she ends up needing it. WIC can give her a referral for food stamps if she's eligible...a pregnant person counts as two family members when you're looking at eligibility guidelines.
As far as a place to live, they can afford an apartment if both are working full-time, even at minimum wage. They only need a 1 bedroom at first, they need to get a roof over their heads and they can worry about the baby having her own bedroom later on. They should look for an apartment that offers a move-in special. A cheap hotel with weekly rates might be an option temporarily. It would be more than an apartment but they wouldn't have to pay utilities and deposits for utilities, and it would be furnished.
All this is assuming her pregnancy goes well and has no complications. If she has problems and ends up on bed rest or something like that, she may need your help. Proving your point with her by refusing any sort of help could have major consequences. No matter how you feel right now, that's your grandchild growing in her belly.
My mother was determined not to do anything for me during my first pregnancy, not even give me any baby gifts or even buy baby clothes at a garage sale. She said I just should have planned better. She did more for her friends who didn't need anything from her. She referred to the baby as "it" at first and insisted we were too far to visit (about 12 miles from her house). She still expected me to have baby pictures taken and give them to her, when I was so broke I didn't even have underpants. Sometimes what a parent thinks of as "tough love" is just convenience for themselves and a delight in seeing their child suffer...not saying that's you but that's how my mom is. Now my mom's at the age where she has started to need my help and I have to say that I will make sure I take care of my own family and my own needs and I will not go without anything to help her....that's the example she gave me. I'll tell her she should have planned better.
I don't think she qualifies for Medicaid because obummercare requires my insurance to cover her until she's 26. The baby isn't covered on my insurance. She is already getting prenatal care.
I'm thinking they can afford an apartment too. If they get WIC and food stamps for food and there's help for insurance for the baby, they should be able to do it. I know there's help for day care.
You may not think this is tough love but it is. She needs to make her decisions with her eyes wide open and that means she needs to face her reality. Unfortunately, there won't be help from us both because we don't have it to give and because it's not warranted in a situation where what is desperately needed is for them to grow up fast before this baby gets here. At the very least this baby deserves parents who are semi adults. This is not a game. Making it easy for her makes it a game. This is for real.
Um, didn't I say we need to find her a place to live?
Housing subsidies are generally available to those with no income or a modest income. Pregnant women and women with young children go to the top of the list with the administrators of these programs, since society doesn't want to see homeless children out on the streets.
Its a tough situation to be in. I'd be tempted to give her a list of public resources and tell her that unless she places the child for adoption she can expect no help from home.
Um, didn't I say we need to find her a place to live?
Good. We can't help you find housing resources unless you tell us which metropolitan area she lives.
If there aren't resources available, fork up the money for security deposit, first month's rent, and utility deposits for a cheap apartment somewhere that allows her access to transportation, her job, and a grocery store. I remember you kept her car, but I don't know if you ended up giving it to her. If you still have her car, give her that too. If she has housing and transportation to get to work, she'll have the basics needed to start building a responsible life.
This might be the very thing that turns her life around. Try to be as positive as possible. As someone said, "Yay, she got a job!" That really is a big improvement from where she was.
Did you kick her out? It says he "made" her leave. I'm wondering if she is not welcome in your home, or you really do not have room for her?
Adult or not.. 2 adults can barely survive on minimum wage combined.
That's why she needs to get her butt down to the welfare office. I'm thinking that with food stamps and Medicaid for the baby they can use their income to pay for an apartment. It should be the two of them working as a team to care for this baby. I don't think they'd do that living here or with his parents. His parents don't have room either so I don't think that is happening.
Dh changed the locks on the house on her several weeks back because she refused to get a job and had dropped out of school. She told him she hadn't had a job for 18 years and didn't need one now. She only got a job when she found out she was pregnant. At least that's one positive. It's sad that that's what it took.
I don't think she qualifies for Medicaid because obummercare requires my insurance to cover her until she's 26. The baby isn't covered on my insurance. She is already getting prenatal care.
Obamacare doesn't require you to cover her on your insurance until she's 26. It allows you to do so if you choose, and it's a good thing you do provide it because it doesn't cost you extra to do so since you already have another child covered. The baby will qualify for Medicaid when he/she is born.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I'm thinking they can afford an apartment too. If they get WIC and food stamps for food and there's help for insurance for the baby, they should be able to do it. I know there's help for day care.
I know quite a few young adult couples with children who make minimum wage or slightly above it who have their own apartments. It can be done. It really comes down to if there is a safe neighborhood within their budget. My city does have affordable safe neighborhoods. They're not pretty, but they're safe. Hopefully your metro has them too.
I don't think I can with the changes in health care. My insurance company is required to keep her on until she's 26 because of obummercare. She costs me nothing to insure because I'd still have to be on the family plan with or without her. I'm hoping there's some kind of state plan for the baby.
This has already been answered and the answer is Medicaid.
I don't think I can with the changes in health care. My insurance company is required to keep her on until she's 26 because of obummercare. She costs me nothing to insure because I'd still have to be on the family plan with or without her. I'm hoping there's some kind of state plan for the baby.
The ACA only requires that insurance companies give parents the option of insuring their children until age 26, it does not require that you do it.
I understand that you have to make a decision about this situation that is best for your family, but I hope you at least portray a more positive attitude toward your daughter's situation. If she is determined to keep the baby, saying that she is ruining her life, her bf's life, and the baby's life won't help anyone.
She has job, regardless of her reasons, and hopefully the baby will force her to grow up. She may end up surprising you.
Last edited by raindrop101; 06-23-2014 at 10:29 AM..
...several weeks back...she told [DH] she hadn't had a job for 18 years and didn't need one now.
This is why I agree that she should not come back to live with you at this time. But you do have to help her get on her feet living elsewhere. Once she becomes responsible, you can help her more in the future. If she completely turns her life around, you may want to help her return to school someday. Don't plan to cut her off for eternity. Don't hold this mistake against her forever. If she becomes responsible over the next few years, she should be forgiven and helped to create the best life possible for your grandchild.
i haven't read any farther then the op. we have at least one home for pregnant girls here. i'm sure you have the same. that could help temporarily, at least. good luck.
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She only got a job when she found out she was pregnant. At least that's one positive. It's sad that that's what it took.