Help! My DW has poor safety awareness (day care, SAHM, teenager)
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Looking for tips on resources, groups, etc. to improve my DW's safety awareness. She is a great Mom to our toddler and 6 year old, but since day one she has had poor safety awareness. We have always dealt with it piecemeal (injury by injury, or risk by risk). Thank God neither kid has been seriously injured yet. But on a very regular basis, she is just not supervising properly. I am talking about supervision, awareness of where the kids are, making sure gates are closed, etc. She admits having an issue in this area. Please: don't suggest I am being overprotective, because I am not. I know that all kids get hurt. I just don't want them to get hurt unneccessarily, or to be killed. We are all good at some things, and not as good at others, and this is just one of her weaknesses. She agreed tonight to really focus on improving in this area, and we are getting some books. But are there groups or really good resources that any one knows of??
Is your wife also unaware of dangerous situations for herself either now or when she was younger? Does she frequently get injured? Or did she have frequent injuries when she was a child or a teenager?
Frankly, this could be a very serious situation for your children. If this is a big enough problem that you are worried about them actually being killed due to your wife's neglect you should immediately get help. Your pediatrician should be able to give your wife suggestions or refer her to parenting classes in your community.
I will be glad to give examples. She will leave gates or doors unlocked. She didn't relock the chemical cabinet last week; the toddler got into the Ajax powder. (Fortunately he did not try to eat it). Tonight she let the six year old push the stroller way too fast and didn't stop him; he crashed it into a fence and the toddler got a head injury. She will often stand with arms crossed, even when the toddler is in a risky position, and he has been hurt because she isn't ready to reach out and block or grab. She will lose track of where he is. (Even as I type this, he just fell off the bed upstairs and is hurt.)
She worked in daycares for four or five years and was excellent at it. Only one child was injured under her watch, and it was quite minor. So it's something about our own kids.
Oh, and she is a SAHM. Which she likes. She is a very responsible person, who was never injured much herself due to being careless. She is quite aware of dangerous situations. She has great safety awareness in theory, but when it comes to "on the ground", it doesn't translate.
That is very strange. I would start by moving the chemicals to an upper cabinet. I'm surprised she isn't learning from her mistakes. What does she say after these injuries occur? Where are you and what are you doing when these things happen? Were you there to see the 6 yo push the stroller? Did you stop him?
I will be glad to give examples. She will leave gates or doors unlocked. She didn't relock the chemical cabinet last week; the toddler got into the Ajax powder. (Fortunately he did not try to eat it). Tonight she let the six year old push the stroller way too fast and didn't stop him; he crashed it into a fence and the toddler got a head injury. She will often stand with arms crossed, even when the toddler is in a risky position, and he has been hurt because she isn't ready to reach out and block or grab. She will lose track of where he is. (Even as I type this, he just fell off the bed upstairs and is hurt.) She worked in daycares for four or five years and was excellent at it. Only one child was injured under her watch, and it was quite minor. So it's something about our own kids.
Oh, and she is a SAHM. Which she likes. She is a very responsible person, who was never injured much herself due to being careless. She is quite aware of dangerous situations. She has great safety awareness in theory, but when it comes to "on the ground", it doesn't translate.
Frankly, I'm even more concerned now that you added these details. Typically a parent would be just as responsible (if not more responsible) with their own children than on a job. Also, at the day care center she would have been watching whole groups of children instead of just one or two at a time.
Is it possible that the reason that none of the children got hurt at the day care center was because there were always other adults around who were monitoring the situation and preventing accidents? Or maybe the day care center had very detailed rules that helped your wife keep the children safe? Maybe your wife has always been irresponsible and unsafe around children but you never realized it until now.
Is it possible that she is just saying that she enjoys being a SAHM and really does not want to do it? Or it is too demanding and overwhelming for her? It is quite odd that she is responsible for herself but not for her own children.
How often do these incidents occur? Several times a day? Once a day? Once a week? Once a month? Are they mainly very minor or more serious incidents?
While it is true that accidents do happen to even the most responsible parents, these accidents/incidents happen very rarely.
Last edited by germaine2626; 07-19-2014 at 08:57 PM..
Frankly, I'm even more concerned now that you added these details. Typically a parent would be just as responsible (if not more responsible) with their own children than on a job. Also, at the day care center she would have been watching whole groups of children instead of just one or two at a time.
Is it possible that the reason that none of the children got hurt at the day care center was because there were always other adults around who were monitoring the situation and preventing accidents? Or maybe the day care center had very detailed rules that helped your wife keep the children safe? Maybe your wife has always been irresponsible and unsafe around children but you never realized it until now.
Is it possible that she is just saying that she enjoys being a SAHM and really does not want to do it? Or it is too demanding and overwhelming for her?
How often do these incidents occur? Several times a day? Once a day? Once a week? Once a month? While it is true that accidents do happen to even the most responsible parents, these accidents/incidents happen very rarely.
I was going to suggest that it could be because day care centers are designed for kids, but I am rethinking. A teacher still has to be responsible enough to close cabinets and put chemicals and art supplies out of reach.
Kids get hurt as toddlers. My own wonderful mother left the dishwasher open while she answered the phone. I ate some dish detergent. It happens.
My own child tripped and fell as a toddler and got cut above her eye.
Children are hurt less often at day cares, because they are holed up in a little room that doesn't have dangerous areas. There are no high places to fall off, no sharp corners, and no computers or TVs to take away the caregivers attention.
Things happen even while you are at home. If you were that worried about it, you would be watching them closer when you are at home too.
Toddlers get hurt, but they learn from their mistakes and grow up.
My advice is to relax about it and further baby proof your home. Chemicals and medicines need to be in a high place with a lock. Bedrooms that are not used often should be locked if they are being unsafe in there. You might need to have stricter rules about jumping on the bed or other rambunctious behavior. Get appropriate climbing structures and buy pads to go underneath them if the kid is a climber. Get appropriate push toys and use them in a carpeted area.
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