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Here is the story: Yesterday I'm driving to workout and notice my wife driving my son home from school. She should be at work and I'm done working. Hum! I call and she hesitantly tells me my son had a detention. It's his first one ever and probably served its purpose and his behavior should change for the better. Now with that said, today I'm driving home from work and can not get a hold of my wife or son, this goes on for an hour and a half. Finally my son answered his phone. I said where you at, he said Moms work. Joking I said did you have another detention. He seriously said yes, in a different class. Please tell me why she is hiding this from me.
Here is the story: Yesterday I'm driving to workout and notice my wife driving my son home from school. She should be at work and I'm done working. Hum! I call and she hesitantly tells me my son had a detention. It's his first one ever and probably served its purpose and his behavior should change for the better. Now with that said, today I'm driving home from work and can not get a hold of my wife or son, this goes on for an hour and a half. Finally my son answered his phone. I said where you at, he said Moms work. Joking I said did you have another detention. He seriously said yes, in a different class. Please tell me why she is hiding this from me.
Are you known to over-react? My dad was and, as a result, many things were (and still are) hidden from him. Telling him is just too much trouble sometimes.
Here is the story: Yesterday I'm driving to workout and notice my wife driving my son home from school. She should be at work and I'm done working. Hum! I call and she hesitantly tells me my son had a detention. It's his first one ever and probably served its purpose and his behavior should change for the better. Now with that said, today I'm driving home from work and can not get a hold of my wife or son, this goes on for an hour and a half. Finally my son answered his phone. I said where you at, he said Moms work. Joking I said did you have another detention. He seriously said yes, in a different class. Please tell me why she is hiding this from me.
Probably because you're over controlling. Who spends an hour and a half trying to reach a wife? A calm, level headed husband would leave a message and wait until he hears from his wife even if it's hours later. She's at work for goodness sake. Just the fact you're so insistent on reaching her on the phone indicates you're a difficult to person to deal with IMO.
And who says she's hiding it from you? You didn't give her a chance to tell you at home, after dinner, when the children went to bed. You called her both times while you were driving in your car home from work. You didn't give her a chance to tell you.
How do you react when you get told that your son has done something wrong? Having been on the other end of what you are saying (the wife / mother), I can tell you that it is easier sometimes to not tell dad about things like detentions.
If you are not a volatile parent and you cannot honestly figure why your wife and son feel they can't tell you...the simple advice is to ask them.
Here is the story: Yesterday I'm driving to workout and notice my wife driving my son home from school. She should be at work and I'm done working. Hum! I call and she hesitantly tells me my son had a detention. It's his first one ever and probably served its purpose and his behavior should change for the better. Now with that said, today I'm driving home from work and can not get a hold of my wife or son, this goes on for an hour and a half. Finally my son answered his phone. I said where you at, he said Moms work. Joking I said did you have another detention. He seriously said yes, in a different class. Please tell me why she is hiding this from me.
Because you seem the type....just from one post...to overreact and make things worse. A detention is just not the end of the world....find out first why it was given and be calm whenot you talk to your family. Seems they don't trust your reactions. ...which is your problem.
Everyone's response is right. I tend to react a little overboard. The wife and I have lunch together often and that's when we get to talk and discuss our three kids. I had lunch with her today. She knows I will discipline by taking his phone or even cutting out TV. Just found out the principle called Friday. Even though I was out of town this weekend, we still talked several times. Just wish she would tell me those things and we could make mutual decisions.
Everyone's response is right. I tend to react a little overboard. The wife and I have lunch together often and that's when we get to talk and discuss our three kids. I had lunch with her today. She knows I will discipline by taking his phone or even cutting out TV. Just found out the principle called Friday. Even though I was out of town this weekend, we still talked several times. Just wish she would tell me those things and we could make mutual decisions.
Would it really be a mutual decision or would it be you dictating the punishment?
Would you be happy if she simply informed you and told you the punishment she imposed? Do you really have to be involved in every little detail of parenting? I couldn't imagine my husband being involved in every detail. He got involved in my punishments when I went to him and asked him for help. Normally when the children needed to be punished, they were punished by the parent who became aware or informed of the infraction. The other one of us simply backed that parent up. Nothing was discussed ahead of time. We simply kept each other up to date after the fact.
Honestly, it sounds like you need to work on anger issues. Marriage counseling might be a good idea so you and your wife can be on the same page. It's not good for the children to know she's hiding things from you, but it's not her fault if you're someone she fears telling things to.
Everyone's response is right. I tend to react a little overboard. The wife and I have lunch together often and that's when we get to talk and discuss our three kids. I had lunch with her today. She knows I will discipline by taking his phone or even cutting out TV. Just found out the principle called Friday. Even though I was out of town this weekend, we still talked several times. Just wish she would tell me those things and we could make mutual decisions.
At that point you didn't even know what he's done and you've already planned a punishment. That isnt a mutual decision. Some schools give out detentions for little things...make sure the punishment fits the crime. This is another reason why your family isn't telling you every little thing.
I had a teacher tell me that children shouldn't be punished at home for what happened to a school any more than children should be punished at school for what they did at home. I agree with that for the most part. Detention is punishment enough for the types of things that get detention. It would be more appropriate to punish for things that earn suspension or expulsion. Even then, it's a case by case basis and should be carefully assessed.
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