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Just saw this today, read through the whole thing at one reading. My thoughts (and yes, I'm one of these parents with grown kids):
Kids will play one parent off the other at times. It's inevitable. If DH really had a good reason for saying "no", other than he just didn't want to deal with it then or something similar, he should have told you, OP, and you could have called the parents and said your daughter couldn't go. Otherwise, it's just one of those things that happens in childrearing. Parents disagree. A lot. At least that's how it was when we did it.
To the rest of this board: I do not think this incident indicates the parents need marriage counseling. Good Grief! Just talk it over. This policy of asking the kid, "Did you ask your mom/dad already? What did s/he say" seems silly to me.
To the OP regarding the rest of the play date:
As so many others have said, you agreed to the playdate; they went on a bike ride, for Goodness' sake!
*****
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete
Why? Especially for a last-minute play date, or coordinating activities with other kids in the household, sometimes plans need to be modified. Off hand, I can only think of one time where that has happened, but from then on the general rule has been to just give me a heads-up. Which isn't too unreasonable.
And what happens if they go to a planned movie where cells have to be turned off or to some other (planned) activity where they might not hear a phone, such as ice skating, and your plans change? You can't plan out every contingency.
To the rest of this board: I do not think this incident indicates the parents need marriage counseling. Good Grief! Just talk it over. This policy of asking the kid, "Did you ask your mom/dad already? What did s/he say" seems silly to me.
Yeah, if I say no, I usually don't notify my husband. No is no. Occasionally our middle daughter tries to get away with this, so we'll ask her first what the other said. If she is caught lying, she's punished.
So you are ok with your kids going out places with people you never met?
That's the problem; why should I be ok with her going out with strangers?
The problem is, you and your wife don't communicate.....And, you are holding it against your wife. And, you are allowing your daughter to go to friends homes who you have not introduced yourselves to.
Correct that.....When you go drop off your daughter for playdates, speak to the parents....If your gut feeling is telling you things are not kosher, Do not leave her.
Personally, I liked when my kids friends came to our home....I was sort of the kool aid mom....most of the time i had a house full after school.....i knew where mine were....and I was always the type to make the friends call their parents if we were going to do something spontaneous....
So, meet the parents, lay down your rules....And, they will either go along with those rules, or they won't have your daughter over......
Be proactive.....does no good to be mad after the fact.
Yeah, if I say no, I usually don't notify my husband. No is no. Occasionally our middle daughter tries to get away with this, so we'll ask her first what the other said. If she is caught lying, she's punished.
Apparently Mom didn't even know the DD had asked her father first. I don't see the point in an inquisition, and I'm not being snarky. I can't imagine every time my kids asked me to do something my saying, "Did you talk to your Dad? What did he say?", then checking with DH.
No. I would not be ok with this. It would be one thing if they made an effort to ask you but they didn't. Your daughter also should have told you she asked her father and he said no. At least at that point you could have talked with him about it. If your area is not that bike friendly and your daughter hasn't ridden in a while, that makes it worse. I understand your concerns.
I grew up in the 80s/90s. My mother was someone you might call protective. She made me aware of the dangers out there. However, she did let me do a number of things. But as a parent myself in this day and age, I don't think I would let my child do even what my mother let me do. I have a boy, but people are not discriminating and many people out there hurt boys too. In my free time I am a child advocate and have done research on a plethora of news stories. I am highly aware of the stories out there.
My son is still young at 5 so obviously I'm protective now, but I don't think that will diminish too much with time, just altering how I do it with age. When you read local stories alone practically everyday about an attempted abduction in this neighborhood, a person exposing himself in that neighborhood, etc., you start to become a little paranoid as a parent and for good reason.
You live in Florida, and no offense, but if someone wants to find the crazies that's where they should go. There is a constant stream of crazy **** coming out of Florida. It's common knowledge.
My big thing is communication. If that's not there, you don't go. If I can't trust you to communicate with me, you burnt your bridges to do it again. That is how I think now and how I will continue to think.
It's unfortunate that your husband is not working with you on this. He was the one that said no the first time, I don't get why he suddenly doesn't care now.
Apparently Mom didn't even know the DD had asked her father first. I don't see the point in an inquisition, and I'm not being snarky. I can't imagine every time my kids asked me to do something my saying, "Did you talk to your Dad? What did he say?", then checking with DH.
I say it all the time. It takes 10 seconds? They tell me the truth including if they've already asked him. NBD
Apparently Mom didn't even know the DD had asked her father first. I don't see the point in an inquisition, and I'm not being snarky. I can't imagine every time my kids asked me to do something my saying, "Did you talk to your Dad? What did he say?", then checking with DH.
But you do believe that whenever the kids ask you to do something, it's your responsibility to follow up with your husband? I don't get it.
If DH really had a good reason for saying "no", other than he just didn't want to deal with it then or something similar, he should have told you, OP, and you could have called the parents and said your daughter couldn't go.
Here you say that the girl's dad should have advised his wife he said no. I'm not even touching why it's mom's responsibility to call the friend when the conversation is between dad and daughter.
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