Dispelling the Stereotypes of Drugs and Youth (party, legal, teens)
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I apologize in advance for the length of this post.
I read an old thread about a 15 y/o girl that overdosed on Ecstasy and my heart sank at all of the negative comments about her. I had to wonder what stupid decisions the posters when made they were in their teens. At least if you know the brain isn’t fully developed, maybe those judgements may have been different.
The human brain isn’t fully developed in decision making and consequences of risk taking until roughly age 25.
Every kid that uses drugs or alcohol as a teen or young adult doesn’t come from a bad home. If they did come from a bad home and used drugs to escape their home life, then my heart goes out to them.
I came from a wonderful loving home with seven kids and two of us used drugs and alcohol. Maybe it was birth order, but it surely wasn’t bad parenting. My younger brother and I were stupid. I chose to drink and do drugs because it was “liquid or pill” courage. I’m shy and I used it to be more communicative. I used drugs occasionally from age 15-25. I quit because I almost died due to an allergic reaction. My brother chose to turn to alcohol first because our brother committed suicide at age 15 and my parents buckled down on him. My parents never had a clue when I had been drinking or was on something. I would start drinking with my friends around 5:30 and down a quart of beer and be sober by my curfew at 9:00 and I’d chew grape gum because my Mom hated the smell of it. My brother got caught several times being drunk by my parents. He ended up becoming an alcoholic until about age 30 and he’s been sober over 20 years. My Dad had 2 beers a day and that was the extent of alcohol use in our home. We never saw either of our parents drunk.
My brother and I are both lucky that we didn’t die because of the poor choices we made when we were young. We were young and stupid. Some kids never touch drugs or alcohol and I guess their brains were more developed or they had high IQ’s in knowing the consequences of bad decisions.
I had two sons and I told them about my drug use and that it almost killed me. Their Father is an alcoholic and I stressed my concerns that they may be prone to alcoholism. I was a good Mother to my sons. My older son got alcohol poisoning at a Frat party and he knew it because he was an EMT at the time. He stopped and only drinks on occasion now, but I will always have that fear in my mind that he could turn to it. He’s quiet and shy like me. Their father and I divorced when they were 11 and 18. He disowned them at age 13 & 20 to choose his new wife and her family over his boys.
My younger son was the opposite. He could talk to anybody. He was bullied as a child and became an advocate for anyone he saw being bullied. When he was 11 y/o, he joined the Navy Sea Cadets and loved it. He remained in that program until age 15 and then joined the JROTC in high school. He was also in a pre-Navy prep program in high school. He was on the right track in life until….. I caught him high on something in high school. His pupils were dilated and his pulse was racing and he was messed up and I asked him what he took and it was over the counter allergy pills. I took him to the ER and they just had him on an IV until he was okay and let us go home. A couple of months later, I heard him falling in his bedroom and I went in to find him sitting on the floor trying to speak, but it was unintelligible and I called my other son who was a Paramedic by this time. We took him to the ER again and he had taken some type of cough syrup. I also found out that he had taken several of my Xanax that I took on occasion. I took him for counseling and I thought he was okay.
He went into the Navy after graduation for two years active duty and two years of Reserves. He bought a sports car when he was in school in FL and totaled it in the first week. He was always a risk taker.
He came home after his two year duty and got a job and got laid off. He was going to Reserves and was a mentor for the Sea Cadets at the base. He was loved and well respected by his peers. He was going to get an award the following weekend from the Navy for Blue Jacket of the Quarter. I thought everything was fine. His 21st birthday came and I had the talk with him and told him to call me if he got drunk (because I knew he would). He went out to dinner with his Dad and brother 3 days after his birthday. He was still awake when I got up the next morning and seemed to be sober. I had a date that afternoon and he was giving ME dating advice. I got ready for my date and he went to bed.
I came home around 7 PM and was excited to tell the boys about my date and the guy had bought me roses. I talked to my older son who was in the living room and I went to tell the younger one. I knocked on his door a few times and when he didn’t answer, I opened the door and flipped on the light to find him lying on his bed with foam on the side of his mouth. I screamed for my son to come and check him and he screamed that he was dead.
I was overwhelmed by the kindness of total strangers. The Navy had their own Memorial service for him where they presented me with the award he should have gotten that day. The entire Reserve officers and even the Sea Cadets that he mentored were there and were such a wonderful source of support for me and they loved him. His one officer was crying during their ceremony saying how much they’d miss him joking around and his willingness to do anything for them. I’m blessed to have a very loving and close family that has literally given me a reason to live these past years.
The point I’m trying to make here is that we all make bad choices and kids don’t realize the consequences of those choices. I could have been in my son’s shoes 30 years ago.
The girl that was being bashed took Ecstasy and was 15. Comments were made like, “Anybody that does drugs deserves to die.” “There’s an example of poor parenting.” “She’s just thinning out the herd.” “Yeah, then these morons have tributes to them like they were good people.”
People don’t realize that kids have been using Over the Counter Drugs and prescription drugs found in their own homes for at least the past seven years and it is a MAJOR problem.
My son’s cause of death was toxic poisoning due to combination of alcohol and morphine. I called the coroner to see what the morphine could be because he wouldn’t take illegal drugs due to being drug tested by the Navy. He told me it could be anything from Advil to a prescription pain killer because the body breaks down chemicals to the original component of the drug. I had hydrocodone, so he could have taken that. I was a good parent and anyone that knows me or my sons can attest to it.
I’m 58 and don’t understand the cruelty of people when a kids dies. Is my son’s death more acceptable because he used OTC or prescription drugs? I think not.
Have any of you gotten behind the wheel of a car as an adult after drinking? How is that any different from a kid making a bad choice? At least their brains aren’t fully grown in risk and decision making.
How many people that drink alcohol go home and pop a handful of vitamins or aspirin to prevent a hangover? How many drink and then take muscle relaxers or nerve pills? That combination just might kill you someday.
Because alcohol is legal, is it acceptable for a drunken adult to make a bad choice to drive and kill or maim somebody?
I’m surrounded by the most loving people anyone could ask for and I’m not looking for sympathy.
I’m being totally honest and my grief is no longer raw. I’m hoping that maybe some parents, keep a better eye on their prescription meds and OTC drugs. Not being a good parent doesn’t always apply to these situations. In my situation, it didn’t matter that I was a good parent. He made a tragic mistake.
I honestly want your feedback. Thank you in advance.
It's been almost 5 years and I can talk about it. I thought I'd have some responses by now. Please don't feel that I'll be too sensitive to discuss this. I think it's important for people to be aware of the drugs that kids are experimenting with from their own homes or family homes.
First, I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you. There are a lot of reasons kids use drugs and a lot of influences contribute to it versus there being one reason. The most direct predictor is their choice of friends. Things like attitudes toward use, school success or failure and parenting etc. can influence where the child goes and with whom but the association with drug using kids is the most direct of the influences. This obviously doesn't hold true for every single kid, but research tells us this is the case in general. For the others, it's still multi-determined.
Regarding the cruelty of people, some of that has to do with the anonymity of online posting, others are a whole other topic.
I lost my brother 3 years ago on Valentine's Day to booze.
I have had a war against all intoxicants. Booze is legal. Always will be legal. Nothing will change that. But to legalize other intoxicants is the height of stupidity.
So anyone who willfully ingests some foreign substance to get a high is incredibly stupid. I attack those who do that. No one forced them into that self-destructive habit. Nobody forced my brother to drink yet he gave up a wife and child for the bottle. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Yes its your body, but the wreckage you impose on yourself far surpasses what you do to yourself. It impacts family who scratch their heads and wonder "where did we fail him/her"? Truth of the matter is its usually not the failing of family but of the person who fails themselves.
I lost my brother 3 years ago on Valentine's Day to booze.
I have had a war against all intoxicants. Booze is legal. Always will be legal. Nothing will change that. But to legalize other intoxicants is the height of stupidity.
So anyone who willfully ingests some foreign substance to get a high is incredibly stupid. I attack those who do that. No one forced them into that self-destructive habit. Nobody forced my brother to drink yet he gave up a wife and child for the bottle. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Yes its your body, but the wreckage you impose on yourself far surpasses what you do to yourself. It impacts family who scratch their heads and wonder "where did we fail him/her"? Truth of the matter is its usually not the failing of family but of the person who fails themselves.
The user is to blame and no one else.
I know, I have seen it firsthand.
Well when it's a young child it is often the failing of the family. The family was responsible for that little person and clearly they failed in that responsibility by leaving them to make decisions on their own; they abandoned them.
Well when it's a young child it is often the failing of the family. The family was responsible for that little person and clearly they failed in that responsibility by leaving them to make decisions on their own; they abandoned them.
Correct but the majority of abusers are technically able to perceive what is destructive behavior.
First, I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you. There are a lot of reasons kids use drugs and a lot of influences contribute to it versus there being one reason. The most direct predictor is their choice of friends. Things like attitudes toward use, school success or failure and parenting etc. can influence where the child goes and with whom but the association with drug using kids is the most direct of the influences. This obviously doesn't hold true for every single kid, but research tells us this is the case in general. For the others, it's still multi-determined.
Regarding the cruelty of people, some of that has to do with the anonymity of online posting, others are a whole other topic.
All the best to you and your family.
I do agree with you that there's many factors. I did my best to educate him, but it didn't work. When they did the autopsy, a researcher from the Univ. of Pitt called and asked if they could take a slice of his brain, I guess for different types of studies they do on young adults that had had a past history of drug use and I agreed. I released all of his medical records to them and then a researcher came to the house to go over his history with me.
I was definitely afraid of drinking being that he just turned 21, but I thought he had stopped doing drugs since he was doing so well in the Navy.
I do agree with the anonymity of online and I just don't understand the lack of compassion or stereotyping the cause.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt and informative post!
The kid should have ended up in jail for a while when he was first caught. He never got the message that drug abuse is unacceptable behavior.
I'm not sure where you are, but they don't put kids in jail for over the counter drugs. And he most definitely got many messages from me and I also took him for counseling for it. He chose not to listen.
I lost my brother 3 years ago on Valentine's Day to booze.
I have had a war against all intoxicants. Booze is legal. Always will be legal. Nothing will change that. But to legalize other intoxicants is the height of stupidity.
So anyone who willfully ingests some foreign substance to get a high is incredibly stupid. I attack those who do that. No one forced them into that self-destructive habit. Nobody forced my brother to drink yet he gave up a wife and child for the bottle. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Yes its your body, but the wreckage you impose on yourself far surpasses what you do to yourself. It impacts family who scratch their heads and wonder "where did we fail him/her"? Truth of the matter is its usually not the failing of family but of the person who fails themselves.
The user is to blame and no one else.
I know, I have seen it firsthand.
I agree with you that it is the user's responsibility. I do have to say that young people take a lot of risks, not only with booze and drugs, but even when they drive. How many young kids are killed in accidents because they have the need for speed and feel they are invincible.
I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. It's not easy loosing a sibling. I've been there too.
I was worried about my sons because their father is an alcoholic and most of his family was. I was worried that it could be hereditary or they would be more prone to addiction. I don't know how much truth there is to that though.
Thank you for offering your insight and I feel that booze should also be illegal.
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