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He sounds like a good kid...At least he is behaving in school...that is important. It seems as though he is sort of having fun triggering you.....Sit down and go over your routine in your head.....Does he have any sugary breakfast cereal, or anything that would make him a bit hyper?? What is the last half hour like in your getting ready routine? Are you rushing around from the moment that you get up?? That is self defeating....it can sort of trigger hyperactivity...Strive for organized, calm....Gt up earlier if you have too, it can help.
I have 4 sons, one with adhd, all adults now....I was a full time college student. I got up very early every morning to get myself recharged for the day....I'd leisurely have my coffee...my half hour of quiet time all day...Then I would get myself ready...and start their breakfast while rousting them.....Hot oatmeal, brown sugar....or something like that...rather than the super sweet cold cereals...Mornings were the absolute worst because my son who has adhd was a terrible sleeper, and mornings were horrific at times.
It helped to get clothes ready, back pack at the door, etc the night before. I hated that last minute rush to look for something...Such a time stealer.
I found it helped to be playful....rather than grouchy...Lets see who can get dressed the quickest...and so on. Maybe have a routine for your son....Give him a job or two that he has to do daily...a part of your leaving routine....Only you know what his currency is, what he enjoys the most, relishes the most. Sometimes kids really need an age appropriate task, one they get a consistent "great job" for.
You evidently are the one getting him ready....and perhaps doing much more of the parenting because of your hubby's hours. Don't forget to make your hubby spend some alone time with your son on his days off....That is critical. Just like we adults feel left out....at least we can rationalize it...maybe vent...or make up for it when w do get some partner time...kids cannot express it this same way. He is likely partly acting out, and partly internalizing his feelings....
Wow...I look back sometimes and wonder how I got through it...And, so miss it as my youngest is just turned 30. Try to enjoy it....and pick your battles....it is a wonderful coping mechanism. Good luck to you
There have been some really good suggestions posted and I thank you all for your advice.
I do tell him in advance that we have to get ready to leave for school soon.
I am right there helping him get his teeth brushed and I stay in the bathroom with him while he uses the potty and washes up.
He loves to do things on his own. For example, I as trying to help him put his sneakers on this morning and he told me "No, Mommy I would like to put them on myself". He actually told me to wait outside, LOL. While I did not wait outside, of course, It was adorable watching him putting his own sneakers on without my help.
I agree, that I need to get his lunch ready in his bag the night before. I need to start doing that again.
That should help me not feel so stressed in the mornings. At night, I am SO exhausted because I am the one most the time who tends to his every need, because his father is usually way too exhausted from working so much... that by the time I get him to bed, I just hit the bed myself.
Have any of you taken toys away if they aren't listening? Or does that lead to a materialistic thinking later on?
Again, I really appreciate most of the helpful suggestions here and I am going to try to incorporate some of them starting tomorrow. Thank you!
At age 3, they realize that they have the power to say no. And also with your husband is working a lot, that also plays a part in his behavior. If he behaves at school, then maybe he's just exhausted and tired of being told what to do.
How about giving him choices, like:
Do you want to go to bed now or at 7:30pm? (Assuming when you're asking this it's 7pm)
Do you want to go home now or in 5 minutes?
I really don't like this method as much of it is bribery as opposed to reward. I raised my 2 sons, a friend's son, my stepson and 2 grandsons. 3 is one of my favorite ages (2-7 being my favorites). Definitely give your child consequences for positive behavior (rewards) and consequences for negative behavior. But keep in mind there is a big difference between 3 and 4 years old. At 3, there isn't so much of the future consequence thinking which a 4 year old might get. Surprisingly, training my service dog was very similar to teaching my children. I expect and need my SD to think for herself, much as I do a child.
What I have a hard time understanding in the above example is why a 4 year old is involved in a team anything. And I definitely would not involve a 3 year old in this way.
He sure will learn. He will learn to fear and will obey for fear of the consequence rather than to do what is required for the sheer joy on his parent's face and the verbal reward.
This is a possibility but it's also that he's being given too many chores to do on his own without parental assistance or guidance. At 3, a child is not capable of remembering and accomplishing these kinds of tasks in sequential order.
OP, as another poster suggested, you need to get better organized so you have time to walk him through each step. Brush your teeth (while you watch or brush your hair in the mirror behind him). PRAISE. When that's done, and you'll probably have to keep him on track so he doesn't wind up playing in the water or blowing bubbles, etc. then you instruct him to potty, PRAISE, and when that's done, you can instruct him to wash up. All of these chores need to be done with you at least nearby if not right there.
Get up earlier, set his clothes out the night before, and try to relax. If you are stressed, your child will know it and will react to that stress. Why are you stressed? Because you are leaving the house, so your child reacts to leaving the house as a bad thing.
The time to teach your child new skills or to hone the skills he may have is NOT when you are stressed or rushed. Reduce your stress, increase your child's cooperation. Enjoy these years, they really are the best - and easiest - times if you go with the flow.
I agree with you on the team thing. And T-ball is the worst anyway, so much down time waiting for the turn. No 3 or 4 year old is going to stand quietly in line (unless you've scared them into doing it, which isn't what I'd call parenting)
Try soccer at 5, its all go then...., though distracted wandering off and dancing around etc, blowing raspberries and other such fun are still part of it at that age
Yes...I have removed toys. I think sometimes it works better to focus on rewarding good behavior over punishing bad behavior.
Maybe try to offer him a special treat everyday for helping Mommy get out the door without the hassle. Maybe a bag of Popsicle's, sugar free......And each evening after super he could have one if he did all the things his Mom asked.
Choose whatever works...just remember it should be age appropriate...A little one doesn't have a concept of time....So, it might need to be more immediate. Like something he treasures to be in the car that he can play with while in his seat belt..So that can be offered daily, as long as he gets ready and follows your routine...
Whatever works is my philosophy. And, all kids are different, so it might take a minute to figure out what he values and use that as a reward. The object being that a young child learns some inner controls for his behavior....
From your first post...it sort of sounds like your lil guy likes to tease and joke..Not a bad trait...He is just using it at the wrong time so it delays your departure and is frustrating you. Figure out how to use this to your advantage.
And, one last thing. I know your hubby is tired...but so are you. I don't think your husband should get a by....it's called parenting. He needs to help...it will be good for your son, and it will teach your son through modeling of his Dad's behavior. Maybe Dad should suck it up and have some play time with this lil guy.
He really is a brilliant, happy and funny child. He loves to make everyone laugh. All the kids in school love him and when they see him they yell out his name.
I did talk with my husband about more quality time even though he's exhausted. He took note. Yesterday, we all went to the park and all of us played in the sand near the volleyball net and I let him and my husband have some time to themselves too.
We live in South Florida, so we can only go the the park and plan outside activities for really early in the morning, or in the evening. When it's somewhat cooler.
I truly appreciate everyone's suggestions. I even implemented the "What do you choose"? and he's responding well to that.
For the past couple of mornings, we have been having contests on who could get ready first, together in the bathroom and when he wins, we play word games with the magnet letters I have before he goes off to pre K for a little while.
It's been working out well!
He listens so much better.
He really is a character though! He says things to me like "OK, MOMMY, I will make you a DEAL", in order to get what he wants.. HAHA!
Thanks, guys! Really!
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