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I loved being a mom when my son was a baby...even being exhausted! He was a handful at 3, 9, 11... but the teenaged years were pretty hard. No lie. 14 on up = sleepless nights, arguments, tears, threats of running away (ME!!!), frustration almost beyond my limits, etc.
Yes, parenting takes a huge toll on everyday happiness, that is true. But there are also a lot of beautifully fulfilling and happy moments as well. The Ying and Yang of parenthood so to speak.
And I love him more than anyone on this planet. He's almost 20 now.
Raising kids is hard....really hard. Especially if your children have special needs (and many do).
But my kids give my life meaning...and I consider them my biggest accomplishment. I am proud of the people they are becoming, and I love them fiercely. My life is much richer because they are in it.
I loved being a mom when my son was a baby...even being exhausted! He was a handful at 3, 9, 11... but the teenaged years were pretty hard. No lie. 14 on up = sleepless nights, arguments, tears, threats of running away (ME!!!), frustration almost beyond my limits, etc.
Yes, parenting takes a huge toll on everyday happiness, that is true. But there are also a lot of beautifully fulfilling and happy moments as well. The Ying and Yang of parenthood so to speak.
And I love him more than anyone on this planet. He's almost 20 now.
I have 3 teenaged daughters and I agree. I'll take diapers and sleepless nights anyday over the drama and teen crap
I have 3 teenaged daughters and I agree. I'll take diapers and sleepless nights anyday over the drama and teen crap
I so agree x 1000. The teenage years are much harder than I ever anticipated. I would gladly go back to the diapers and terrible 2's. It has been very frustrating. Abstractly I knew teenagers would have an attitude and issues but I had no idea how hard it would be. Most difficult thing I've ever been through as a parent.
If I got pregnant unexpectedly, being TRULY 100% childfree (not just without children), I would never have the child. And don't say "you don't know until you accidentally get pregnant." Maybe some people don't, but believe you me - there's no way in hell I would have a kid. That problem would be taken care of ASAP. Just the thought of being pregnant gives me the absolute creeps and squicks me out. Never never never never no. I would cut off my thumb before giving birth. *shudder*
Huh? I don't understand what that means. If I don't have children, I'm "childfree." Am I missing something?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25
Apparently there is a difference between childfree and childless.
Agreed. I am childless and happy with that decision. I find the term "childfree" juvenile and stupid. There is nothing wrong with the term childless.
This thread is making me terrified to have children. I have severe depression and chronic fatigue, and simply do not function unless I get at least 9 hours of sleep. I'm worried I would lose my job and end up in a mental facility due to lack of sleep in the first two years of parenthood. It takes a lot of exercise and sleep for me to function even somewhat normally. There are also many physical and mental health issues on my side of the family that are highly heritable. On my dad's side of the family, for example, nearly half end up with some sort of depression, and suicide is common. My wife has bipolar and she totally lost it just babysitting my sister's three year old, acting in a way that I worry that if we had kids could be turn into abuse. Neither of us particularly like kids. But we feel like it's what we are supposed to do, and we are under tremendous pressure from everyone in our families to have children. I think deep down we do want children, but I'm worried if, given our circumstances, having children would be irresponsible. My biggest worries are that we will be terrible or even abusive parents and that our kids would have mental disorders. My wife's mom attempted suicide a couple times due to how horrible my wife was when she was a kid - kids with bi-polar are even tougher to raise, and I don't know how we would make it if our kid had bi-polar. I would honestly be more comfortable with adopting a child to avoid passing on some mental and physical disorders, but that's not what anyone in my family or probably even my wife want. We are both very loving people, however, and we have animals and are excellent pet parents. We have both asked our psychiatrists and therapists their opinions on us having children and the answer was that parenting for us could be more of a challenge that for most people, but mental disorders don't necessarily always get passed down, and even if they do, some of the greatest individuals in history have had some form of depression. My therapist has known me for a very long time and even said she thought I would be an excellent father because I'm a very kind person. I have horrible fits of rage sometimes due to my depression, but have never once abused another person or animal, at least since I've been a teenager - I usually just internalize it or blow off steam through exercise or prayer.
I don't blame you for being concerned. You don't have to have children if you don't want to. Don't let society pressure you and don't let your families pressure you. If you don't want to--don't. You have nothing to apologize for to anyone. I do personally have children but it's been much harder than I ever imagined when they were just abstract dreams in my mind. The fantasy is far from the reality. I respect childless people and I don't think there is anything weird or wrong about it. Whether you have children or not at least you are thinking about it very thoroughly and not just jumping into it. That's more than a lot of people can say.
I so agree x 1000. The teenage years are much harder than I ever anticipated. I would gladly go back to the diapers and terrible 2's. It has been very frustrating. Abstractly I knew teenagers would have an attitude and issues but I had no idea how hard it would be. Most difficult thing I've ever been through as a parent.
True dat. I tell people...little kids have LITTLE problems. Big Kids have BIG problems.
Oh to go back to the days when all of life's problems could be solved with a bowl of ice cream and an episode of your favorite TV show
Look, you can say over and over again that it's a joy that I can't experience - but it's pointless, because I don't like kids and don't want them, so it would never bring me joy in the first place. I'm defensive because I'm so sick of being told that my life just can't possibly contain the amount of joy and fulfillment that the life of someone who is a parents contains. I can't imagine being so damn arrogant, pretentious, and condescending. THAT'S why I'm defensive. It's insulting. My life CAN and WILL and DOES contain the same amount of joy - it's just different because it doesn't come from being a mother. The end.
Also, you haven't experienced the childfree life if you're a parent - being childfree means you NEVER want kids and do not have them. You were simply childLESS until you had the children that you always wanted, and (in most cases) planned on having someday.
I don't presume to think you have more or less joy than me. It could be the same-less-or more. I don't know but I'm not going to think you aren't as joyous as me just because you don't have kids. I do have children but won't pretend it's a rose garden. It's not. I don't understand why parents would tell you your life can't possibly be as fulfilling because you don't have kids. People saying that are incredibly ignorant imho and I understand why it would be annoying. I am not sure if I would have had more or less joy had I not had children. I have no idea. I will say there have been great times and bad times. I don't understand why people would judge you for not having kids or act like you are weird or whatever. I will never understand it. I do remember a lady asking me why I didn't want more kids like I was weird. At the time I only had 1 and was newly divorced (I had another one later with my husband once we were stable and ready). I just rolled my eyes and thought I don't want to squeeze one out every two years that I may or may not be able to take care of (the lady had 5 and could barely take care of them).
Last edited by missladytexas; 08-25-2015 at 08:40 PM..
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Am I missing something? 
