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Have family friends we used to vacation with when children were young. Their daughter ate cake. I mean all she ate was cake, massive amounts of cake. Parents did not seem to mind.
Mom and dad were marathon runners. Daughter eventually joined them for runs and over time increased her endurance. Twenty years later, the adult daughter is a Marathon runner and in terrific shape. She eventually made the connection between fuel and performance and decided to make better food choices on her own. She still loves and eats cake. But she easily burns 1000 calories before breakfast, by running.
I'd focus on healthy food choices; creating a calorie deficit. As he loses weight "exercise" will become easier for him. I'd also center his free time around fun activities that get him moving. Even if its a game of Ping-Pong; my kids sweat like crazy with that and never realize they are "exercising". I wouldn't say a word about "weight loss" or "exercise"; in my mind, that makes it a negative thing he HAS to do. Healthy food choices, and fun activities that encourage him to move.
If your son is on medication that causes weight gain, go back to MD sooner, and if he cannot come off of it, consider adding in glucophage. It is nearly impossible to control weight gain if he is on an atypical antipsychotic, like risperdal or abilify or zyprexa. As for discussion, have the same one you would have with an overwt pet, meaning, none. Just completely change the diet for the entire household. Lean protein, fresh or frozen fruits and veggies, a little no fat no sugar dairy, and a very small amt of complex carbs, perhaps as little as 200 cal/day from carbs. Walk to places for exercise. No pocket money. Pack his lunch. No school lunches. Invite friends to your house, instead of him going there, to gobble high cal snacks. At ten, it is still possible to do this. Very soon, it will be impossible. But no talk. Just do. And get in with MD now to get off med or change med.
1) Genetics are against him. His birth family is indigenous and are able to stay "chubby" with a very limited diet and undernourishment. They are strong, build like tanks though.
2) SSRIs (he is on Zoloft) absolutely do cause weight gain and did for him. It isn't an easy choice to medicate a child and one we didn't take lightly. We did so because our son didn't have a good quality of life due to his anxiety. It was crippling. We will be revisiting if this is the right medication for him with his doctor. It has helped dramatically, but he has had most of the weight gain in the past 2 years since being on it.
3) No he doesn't have a therapist. At age 7, when his anxiety emerged, we sought therapy for him but instead they put us parents into therapy to help our child. It was very helpful and we have "graduated". We have taught him a lot of self soothing techniques, he even meditates. If we need to, we will seek out a therapist for him in the future.
4) While I am at fault for his weight, I will point out my daughter is underweight. I tend to feed the kids healthy, at least for an american diet. The nutritionist was impressed by my understanding of food and my choices. We found some areas we had to work on. One was sugary drinks I allowed once a day, one was the amount of fruit he was eating. (he would happily eat 3 bananas and 4 apple sauces in a day for snacks if I was not watching)
5) My son is very, very picky. He has sensory sensitives which I imagine plays into it. The up side is I can fill up his plate with food he wont touch and limit cals that way. But the nutritionist said at this point we wont be changing *what* he eats or pushing new foods. Just portion control. I think some is just taking small steps instead of a complete sudden over haul and some is that I make pretty good choices in what I do buy.
6) I don't know if anxiety feeds into his over eating. I think its more boredom around the house and just enjoyment of food? I don't know. His anxiety is pretty well controlled with his medication. I know if I serve mixed up food (like casseroles) or salad (or other food that he is sensitive to) he will get very anxious.
7) I think those who said not to talk about it are right. He is a smart kid and I thought if I could get him on board, it would be easier.
8) We are making it a family affair. Even though my daughter is underweight, she is off sugary beverages too...and I only order water (and drink mineral water at home). When my daughter goes to tutoring twice a week, I take my son to the park and I get up and move around with him (instead of sitting on the bench like I used to do). We are starting to bring the dog and his scooter. Walking won't work as I have severe foot arthritis and I can't walk distances.
9) if we end up with time, I will have the children join martial arts. They both want to but my daughter is in tutoring for her dyslexia 2 days a week and we know she will be starting speech therapy 1-2 days a week. Once the schedule gets sorted out we can see if there is a place that has a schedule that will fit ours. Not easy!
Thanks a lot to all the people who chimed in. It gives me a lot to think about.
1) Genetics are against him. His birth family is indigenous and are able to stay "chubby" with a very limited diet and undernourishment. They are strong, build like tanks though.
2) SSRIs (he is on Zoloft) absolutely do cause weight gain and did for him. It isn't an easy choice to medicate a child and one we didn't take lightly. We did so because our son didn't have a good quality of life due to his anxiety. It was crippling. We will be revisiting if this is the right medication for him with his doctor. It has helped dramatically, but he has had most of the weight gain in the past 2 years since being on it.
3) No he doesn't have a therapist. At age 7, when his anxiety emerged, we sought therapy for him but instead they put us parents into therapy to help our child. It was very helpful and we have "graduated". We have taught him a lot of self soothing techniques, he even meditates. If we need to, we will seek out a therapist for him in the future.
4) While I am at fault for his weight, I will point out my daughter is underweight. I tend to feed the kids healthy, at least for an american diet. The nutritionist was impressed by my understanding of food and my choices. We found some areas we had to work on. One was sugary drinks I allowed once a day, one was the amount of fruit he was eating. (he would happily eat 3 bananas and 4 apple sauces in a day for snacks if I was not watching)
5) My son is very, very picky. He has sensory sensitives which I imagine plays into it. The up side is I can fill up his plate with food he wont touch and limit cals that way. But the nutritionist said at this point we wont be changing *what* he eats or pushing new foods. Just portion control. I think some is just taking small steps instead of a complete sudden over haul and some is that I make pretty good choices in what I do buy.
6) I don't know if anxiety feeds into his over eating. I think its more boredom around the house and just enjoyment of food? I don't know. His anxiety is pretty well controlled with his medication. I know if I serve mixed up food (like casseroles) or salad (or other food that he is sensitive to) he will get very anxious.
7) I think those who said not to talk about it are right. He is a smart kid and I thought if I could get him on board, it would be easier.
8) We are making it a family affair. Even though my daughter is underweight, she is off sugary beverages too...and I only order water (and drink mineral water at home). When my daughter goes to tutoring twice a week, I take my son to the park and I get up and move around with him (instead of sitting on the bench like I used to do). We are starting to bring the dog and his scooter. Walking won't work as I have severe foot arthritis and I can't walk distances.
9) if we end up with time, I will have the children join martial arts. They both want to but my daughter is in tutoring for her dyslexia 2 days a week and we know she will be starting speech therapy 1-2 days a week. Once the schedule gets sorted out we can see if there is a place that has a schedule that will fit ours. Not easy!
Thanks a lot to all the people who chimed in. It gives me a lot to think about.
It sounds like you're doing many many things right to get this on track.
I'm not a health care practitioner so these are opinions not advice . If he's adopted then remind him that his healthy size might be different than his sisters or parents.
Use the language around food as it being "fuel", not something to be rewarded with
When you talk about his medication, consider not saying "the medicine makes you gain weight", rather, "because of some of your medicines you might find it more difficult"
If he's picky, taking him shopping with you and letting him choose from categories of food might work? My daughter would eat cut veggies but didn't like mixed salads (even if they had pretty much the same things in them) and you could get him to help prepare as well
I really suggest counselling sooner instead of later, as the longer eating and weight gain issues continue the more difficult it is to turn them around
If it's possible to find an activity with a little more cardio you might find that encourages him, the great thing about a larger boy is football, wrestling and some other sports may allow him to be even more successful due to his size
You may find putting them in the same activity (even if convenient) leads to comparisons that you may not want to deal with...
Finally, you are NOT at fault for his weight. You're a factor, as is medication, genetics and his personality. Taking your piece of responsibility (as you're doing) is all you can do.
It sounds like most of the changes your making are good healthy ones whether he was heavy or not, viewing them that way will lower the risk of him (or his sister) resenting you. Going for walks, getting a WiiFit and playing as a family etc. are all useful.
Good luck with this, he's lucky to be getting help at his age instead of starting in his 20s.
It sounds like you're doing many many things right to get this on track.
I'm not a health care practitioner so these are opinions not advice . If he's adopted then remind him that his healthy size might be different than his sisters or parents.
Use the language around food as it being "fuel", not something to be rewarded with
When you talk about his medication, consider not saying "the medicine makes you gain weight", rather, "because of some of your medicines you might find it more difficult"
If he's picky, taking him shopping with you and letting him choose from categories of food might work? My daughter would eat cut veggies but didn't like mixed salads (even if they had pretty much the same things in them) and you could get him to help prepare as well
I really suggest counselling sooner instead of later, as the longer eating and weight gain issues continue the more difficult it is to turn them around
If it's possible to find an activity with a little more cardio you might find that encourages him, the great thing about a larger boy is football, wrestling and some other sports may allow him to be even more successful due to his size
You may find putting them in the same activity (even if convenient) leads to comparisons that you may not want to deal with...
Finally, you are NOT at fault for his weight. You're a factor, as is medication, genetics and his personality. Taking your piece of responsibility (as you're doing) is all you can do.
It sounds like most of the changes your making are good healthy ones whether he was heavy or not, viewing them that way will lower the risk of him (or his sister) resenting you. Going for walks, getting a WiiFit and playing as a family etc. are all useful.
Good luck with this, he's lucky to be getting help at his age instead of starting in his 20s.
Thanks so much for your helpful post. Lots of good advice here. I am torn on karate. He was in ju jitzu for a while when he was 7 and that was much more challenging. He was really good at it too because he is strong and has a low center of gravity. We moved to a much smaller place and the only ju jitzu place here, from what I can tell, doesn't focus on kids at all. And as far as you can get from where my daughter does tutoring (in case classes over lap). But I will look into it more.
I think you are very right about not putting them in the same class. My daughter in naturally athletic and my son has gross motor delays so he is even further behind physically then she is (and she is younger). But time is soooooooo limited. I promised myself only one afterschool activity per day. I know I can't manage more then that. I guess to be fair, my son runs around to take his sister to her tutoring and speech, he should get a day or two of sports.
Thanks so much for your helpful post. Lots of good advice here. I am torn on karate. He was in ju jitzu for a while when he was 7 and that was much more challenging. He was really good at it too because he is strong and has a low center of gravity. We moved to a much smaller place and the only ju jitzu place here, from what I can tell, doesn't focus on kids at all. And as far as you can get from where my daughter does tutoring (in case classes over lap). But I will look into it more.
I think you are very right about not putting them in the same class. My daughter in naturally athletic and my son has gross motor delays so he is even further behind physically then she is (and she is younger). But time is soooooooo limited. I promised myself only one afterschool activity per day. I know I can't manage more then that. I guess to be fair, my son runs around to take his sister to her tutoring and speech, he should get a day or two of sports.
That makes sense, it seems his physical delays are likely to be as "life impacting" as her learning and speech challenges.
Do his teachers have any suggestions on activities he seems to enjoy? Are there activities he can do at school? One other sport that kids that are larger can succeed at is "field" sports (shot put etc).
Really what you want is for him to start enjoying things, so that additional activity isn't punishment. If he really liked martial arts before then that might be best, and maybe you just don't put your daughter in and make that his special time.
One of the biggest changes my neighbor made was the whole family going for a 20 minute walk after dinner every single night. It was good for ALL of their health, filled some of the normal "boredom" time, and prepared the kids for a little homework before bed.
Edit: have YOU thought about doing martial arts with him? Some kids would love that
3) No he doesn't have a therapist. At age 7, when his anxiety emerged, we sought therapy for him but instead they put us parents into therapy to help our child. It was very helpful and we have "graduated". We have taught him a lot of self soothing techniques, he even meditates. If we need to, we will seek out a therapist for him in the future.
Huh. Would this kind of thing be something useful to him based on his experience.
Oh Poooh. You are doing a bunch under challenging circumstances. Cut yourself some slack. You are not at fault.
Hey, thanks for the link. I am going to get the audio book and listen and see if I could pass anything on to him....and its something I can use (scarfing down a burrito in front of the computer).
I know, my mom is still a huge believer in low fat or fat free everything. I've tried to explain to her that usually when they take out the fat from a food, they add sugar to compensate for the reduction in taste. I'm diabetic and my sisters are both pre-diabetic, so fat free but higher carb foods are the worst thing for us. I know my mom was just following the diet trends of that era, but I think we all would have grown up healthier with more protein, less carbs, and a decent amount of fat in our diets.
You might find it interesting to read Dr Furhman's Eat To Live book. While the plan may be quite drastic a change, he's spot on with what we need to do - eat more fruits and veg, less starch carbs, and less meat. If someone followed his plan 50% of the time, they'd see a huge change in their blood panel - for the better. I did. I have a doc friend who uses this for her patients with much success.
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. If he's adopted then remind him that his healthy size might be different than his sisters or parents.
